Cut to the BAU team walking back into the offices looking tired and spent and AAARGH ELLE!!!!WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR SPINE!?

 JJ asks Calvin why HerringBoned was playing the unsub and Calvin explains that Sarge punished him for mouthing off earlier by making him play the unsub and sticking him in the trunk of a car all afternoon.

JJ asks how then could the real Unsub have known about the re-enactment and Morgan says cops talk and pissed off cops talk loud to anyone who’ll listen.

Gideon asks what they know, rhetorically, saying the unsub went from wounding civilians to executing a cop.

He says the unsub’s escalating and not staying on script. Don’t go off script in a Mandy Patinkin project Unsub. Only Mandy can do that and only because he is awesome.

Hotch repeated Gideon’s earlier point, ‘sometimes it’s what they don’t do’

Reid says the unsub did not pick HerringBoned at random and Morgan says he didn’t take the gut shot.

Gideon asks why, looking to his team for the answer looking for all the world like an maths teacher, its adorable, then answers for them ‘he wants to send a message’ and Hotch guesses ‘no one takes credit for (my) work’

Gideon aggress, saying the unsub’s ego wont allow it (I said this earlier, remember) and Elle says they still don’t know why he wounds them.

Gideon says if he hasn’t had contact with his victims he’ll have contacted the media and Elle says that he hasn’t.

Gideon says the unsub then, has contact with his victims.

Morgan got a call like halfway through that and comes back to announce Garcia nailed down the geographical profile and that the scenes focus on two places. Hotch says ‘the hospitals’ and every one shits a brick.

Well no that’s a lie, Gideon just looks like ‘I totally called this’ and walks out.

We’re in the car with Calvin, Gideon and Reid and Gideon talks about Hero Homicide (see!!) and Reid explains that the best known case was a male nurse, Richard Angelo who poisoned victims so he could rush to the rescue when they crashed. Apparently he killed 25 people and that’s just that ‘we’ know of.

Calvin asks if he hurt them to save them, how did he kill 25 people?

Gideon shrugs ‘he wasn’t very good at it’

Reid says hospitals don’t keep records of people who almost die(they do, they’re called medical records…but you’re pretty so what ever)

Calvin asks what the profile on one of these men would be and Gideon lists arrogant, conceited, thought he was superior to every one he met.

Calvin says that’s like every surgeon, ever, and Gideon flashes back to meeting Dr Red Herring then says…i…think to Calvin cos Reid didn’t meet the guy and also…clearly isn’t listening, [Red Herring], pulling out his cell phone and calling some body, Garcia I guess, telling them to search RH first.

The teams arrive at the hospital and Gideon tells Calvin to have a discrete perimeter set up around the whole block, then Hotch says something about checking his car as the rest of the team head inside.

 In the room from earlier, the team are sat around as a fax comes in and Morgan tells them Red Herring was Army…there’s another HAIR IN THE FUCKING LENS, and Gideon looks slightly pensive, aaw I bet like he’s thinking he practically had the guy and didn’t know it.

Morgan goes on to say that RH started out in MP (Military Police) school so that’s where the law enforcement back ground comes from, and that he was a doctor with special forces which translates to, something of a complete bad ass, and hat since he was discharged in 2001 he’s bounced around from hospital to hospital.

Gideon asks if RH has been under any stress lately and Butch Mc’Hair says a month ago RH was passed over for chief of surgery.

Morgan heads off to…do something, I wasn’t listening and Butch tells Gideon where to find RH.

Cut to RH and his fish eye lens in a…sciencey looking room as Gideon walks in behind him. RH asks where Butch is and Gideon says she isn’t coming, so RH tries to dismiss him.

Fool.

He says he’s busy and Gideon channels his inner ten year and goes ‘Busy with what?’

RH: ‘Things’

Gideon: ‘What kinda things?’

hehee

RH turns to glare and spots Elle gegging in through the viewing window, like, subtle, bitch, god, and realisation dawns. He asks if they’re actually considering him a suspect and Gideon just tells him yes.

RH says that’s disconcerting given what happened to their last suspect and I wish Gideon had gone ‘he wasn’t nearly as suspect as you so watch it bud’ But instead Gideon asks if he doesn’t want to know why?

RH snarks ‘Collective incompetence’ and Gideon just blinks.

He asks if RH has heard of Hero Homicide and RH asks incredulously if he’d be les suspicious if he let his patients die.

Gideon’s like ‘well…yes…’

Outside Hotch walks up to the rest of the team and tells them RH’s car is a red two seat Maserati and JJ sighs ‘of course’

Hotch says if RH is the shooter he has a different car and we’re back inside the room with Gideon as he say ‘this time of killer seeks the power over life and death. He covets the power of God, you know any body like that?’ as he paces the room and…okay he’s turned his back on a man he at least suspects is very dangerous which is either very bold, very stupid, or, he doesn’t suspect him as much as we think he does.

RH channels Alec Baldwin in that film where he’s an egomaniacal surgeon and says when his patients are in the operating room they need God and that’s exactly what he gives them.

He …ugh, he says a line that basically compounds his God complex, something about if some ones holding your beating heart in your hands, who do want holding it…me?or God?’ But he says God all derisive so I’m like…huh? Plus the guy is kind of overacting now.

And the fish eye lens is really dizzying.

Gideon just asks where RH was that day at 3 and RH says he was in his office with some lady Doc who also, thinks he’s a god.

He practically dares them to go ask her and Gideon wordlessly leans on the door with this ‘you’re not leaving til I know about that’ look on his face.

Outside, Hotch takes Reid and heads down to the ER, Hotch telling Reid he suspects the lady Doc will corroborate RH’s story.

Reid asks if Hotch no longer thinks RH is the shooter and Hotch says that Richard Angelo killed people because he was a no one in real life so craved recognition whereas RH is a top surgeon and has power and recognition.

Reid says Surgeons are a different breed, the stars in their field and RH definitely isn’t one of them…that makes no sense. RH is a star in his field, I thought that was the point, he’s so good that It inflates his ego some more?

Fine if Reid wants to counter but give him a legitimate argument at least, say RH is a good surgeon but he’s doubted or something.

Any way they reach the ER and a Hotch asks an orderly/nurse/doctor looking dude who is not only some one I recognize but so visibly shifty that again, first time I saw the episode I guessed it was him. I shall call him…Mini-Me….no I’ll call him Dr Evil…what, it works!!

Any way he fucking visibly shits a brick when he sees Hotch’s badge and goes off to fetch the lady Doc as requested.

Hotch goes back to the discussion saying that RH isn’t a star surgeon but gets respect and excitement the lack of which are motivations for Hero Homicide and…again, I thought RH WAS a star surgeon….ugh.

Any way, Reid says maybe its not exciting enough so that’s why RH/The Shooter shoots three people at a time but Hotch points out he can only operate on one person at a time so its not that much more exciting for him.

 They look around the bustling ER and see one doctor splitting his time between like, three or four patients

Hotch and Reid quickly figure out that the Unsub is an ER doctor, since he gets contact with the victims, he works on the exact same shift change so it’d ‘come to work, three shooting victims’etc and Hotch whips out his phone to call some one but a nurse tells him he cant use his phone in the hospital.

Hotch and Reid very quietly pull her aside, Hotch giving the smallest badge flash in history and say their looking for a man who works the second shift who’s a new transfer.

Nurse tells him they’ve had no new transfers in the past two weeks. Hotch asks if she’s sure and she gives him a look like ‘no I’m bullshitting because I like lying to the FBI’

 Hehe.

We go back to Gideon emerging from the X-Ray room looking…hilariously shaken. He leans on the wall and tells the girls that RH has the worst narcissistic personality disorder Gideon’s ever seen which makes me wonder what happened between them when we where with Hotch and Reid.

 He says RH isn’t the shooter and we see a small army of cops marching through the corridors, passing by Dr Evil who seems to give one of them a familiar nod and I like the impression their that he’d know a few cops here and there.

 He is, by the way, so obviously guilty,  but looks like he’s cutting to run when he sees even more cops pass by ahead of him. Clearly thinking he’s caught he ducks into a new corridor and into a staff room where he pulls a big military looking sports bag out of his locker, stripping his lab coat off to reveal a frankly weak looking but huge ‘Rangers’ tattoo on his arm…it seriously looks like the drew it on in felt tip but what ever.

We cut back to the ER and Reid is sort of casually but blatantly checking people out, scoping the room, and Hotch, right up in Nurse’s personal space like, how the hell has she not licked his face to pieces, and when she goes to leave he really gently grabs her and pulls her back and actually looking a smooch panicked repeats the profile to her. She gets all scared looking and says its [Dr Evil] and that he picks up shifts at Arlington occasionally.

Hotch, not taking his eyes off her, asks if Evil is here today and Nurse is visibly freaking out, swinging her head all around the place like a complete mental and generally being really obvious and Hotch adorably gently grabs her again and tells her to be calm…re-watching that bit as she reels around Reid flinches like, rather strongly as she turns towards him. Hmm.

Any way, Hotch is like ‘be calm…is Dr Evil here today?’

Nurse nods and Hotch ask if she sees him.

Heh, the angle they’re filming at is over Hotch’s shoulder with Reid just visible in the back ground.

When Hotch says ‘do you see him’ and Nurse looks around, The Goob must be touching his own face or something but it looks for all the world like he’s hiding his eyes, heheee.

Any way, Nurse looks around and says the cant see Dr Evil and Hotch is like ‘fine, Reid, go tell Gideon’

Reid starts to rush off and Hotch tells him to take it easy and Reid just snaps into cool mode which ties into before about how Morgan had to grab him in the park, he can clearly play cool when he needs to so…

Any way, as he’s walking he looks up and his eyes go wide as we see Dr Evil storm around the corner with cammo’s under his lab coat and a big ass gun too.

He pulls the gun out and smacks the shit out of Reid with it.

We see that Hotch has moved out of line of sight, not knowing it, just to move, and a security guard steps right in front of Dr Evil.

We see the gun firing at the light board and all the lights go off as emergency lights snap on and we see Dr Evil with Security Guard as a human shield, pointing his gun at Hotch who looks pissed.

Hotch draws his gun like lightning and we get a quick cut of Gideon, Elle and JJ hearing the gun shots and alarms and running towards them.

Dr Evil snaps no body moves, and no body dies and we fade to black on Hotch in shooters stance while alarms blare over head.

We come back where we left off and Dr Evil is telling Hotch he better be sure he can hit the head cos Dr Evil has his own gun on full auto, so anything less than a head shot and he goes down squeezing the trigger.

 Hotch, looking like it causes him pain, lowers his own gun and  Dr Evil kicks the security guard to his knees, moving forward to claim Hotch’s gun…

I’m a little let down that when Dr Evil was in so close, Hotch didn’t try anything, he could have grabbed the gun and punched Evil from an elevated position since he’s not just taller but Evil is stooping, but I guess he didn’t want to take the risk.

Evil calls for poor, terrified Reid to get over near Hotch and our boy does, looking, as I said, terrified. Evil tells Hotch to get Reid’s gun but Hotch is like ‘he doesn’t have one’ so Evil, doubting them, tells them to put their hands on their heads.

Reid does so at once, shaking like a leaf (this kind of physicality I believe) but Hotch takes his time to do his, which, hee.

Evil tosses Reid’s bag away, searches him, then calls the security guard, by name no less, Keith, to cuff the boys, those plastic cuffs that have no give and have to be cut off.

 He tells Keith to back up til’ Keith is gun but level, then smacks him in the face with the weapon, knocking him the fuck out.

 Reid looks like he’s about to hurl but Hotch just looks quietly, seethingly pissed, heh, and when Evil orders them to get on the ground, Reid’s ass hits the floor so hard I’m sure there where bruises(kinky!). there’s some really nice script and acting work at play here, cos Hotch doesn’t sit down straight away, Evil doesn’t tizz out he just says ‘have a seat’ and Hotch, again slowly, lowers himself to the edge of the desk.

Awesome blocking as well because it puts him more or less eye level with Evil, giving him a level of equality, and takes the focus off the obviously less threatening therefore more likely to be a target Reid.

Also…sets up for later, which…awesome.

But yeah, there’s clearly a level of…respect from Evil for Hotch which comes across in a neat way, and makes how Hotch uses it all the more fun to watch.

Evil asks what the hell kind of FBI agent doesn’t carry a gun and Reid…doing a pretty decent job of being cool, corrects that he’s a profiler.

Evil is like ‘Oh you think you can figure me out?’ and Reid is like ‘Well, we did, that’s how we found you’ but Hotch, seething, hotly, tells him to shut up.

Reid does, looking abashed but with a hint like he gets why Hotch is pricking up a little and Evil is like ‘no don’t shut up, tell me what you think you know about me’

Reid looks up, wide eyed as a child and sort of hesitates to speak and Hotch (and I think he had his plan from the second he sat down above Reid, giving him the same superiority Evil has, so I don’t take a word he says as real) says ‘Go ahead Genius, tell him. Tell him! But remember, get it wrong and he’s going to kill you’ in this cruel, cold tone of voice.

Reid, with a bloody lip and nose and seriously aaaw tears in his eyes, looks at Hotch, then back to Dr Evil just…terrified out of his mind and it’s so harsh! And I have to add, he looks like a child caught between two bickering parents and unsure which one he ought to be looking to for confirmation of how to proceed, cos Hotch is is boss and the coolest head, but Evil has the gun. Which is awesome acting right their cos it just nails Reid’s emotional immaturity in some areas.

 Reid again, hesitates and…okay he says later on when he figured out the plan but I like to think he suspects here cos its not like him to keep quiet, even if he’s terrified, it’s out of character so I think he has an idea of what Hotch is doing. I mean he, like me, must have figured out why Hotch hasn’t sat on the floor so…

Dr Evil totally takes the bait and says since Hotch is the boss he can tell Evil what they know.

Hotch says ‘we know you shot eleven people and left us nothing, we know you executed a cop in front of the FBI and got away clean and I know you plan to go down in a hail of bullets’ nice quiet switch from ‘we’ to ‘I’ there.

Evil, again, buys into it and goes ‘what else do you know’

I tell you what I know, that there are SWAT guys tooling up for war out side…and I know that because I CAN SEE THEM!

We’re out in the corridor with the rest of the team and the SWAT army and Morgan’s explaining Dr Evil’s back story (Army, Rangers, Sniper, Dishonourably Discharged, Cop for nine months, fired when they found out he lied about the discharge, got a nursing license, bouncing between hospitals ever since)

Gideon takes all this in silently then turns to stare in the direction of the ER, his face cold, hard.

Back in the ER, Hotch is still going, ‘I know you’ve been the smartest guy in every room you’ve ever been in and no ones seen it etc’ he basically is taking everything insulting in the profile and making it complimentary, saying Evil isn’t a bad person, he helped save all his victims, the guy who died wasn’t his fault, it was the EMT’s not getting there on time.

Evil is like ‘took em 13 minutes to get there!’ and Hotch is all, yup, now lets barricade the door.

Evil has half lowered his gun at this point and is like huh?

Hotch says let him and Reid barricade the door so them outside can see he’s got two Feds in there doing his bidding.

Evil says Hotch would send some signal and Hotch is like ‘they knew you where here, knew you where armed, what signal can I send them?!’

Evil raises his gun again and the hostages get all gaspy as Reid looks terrified again and you can actually see him thinking ‘I’m going to watch Hotch die’, go Goob.

Evil thinks it’s a tactic and Hotch just gives him a look like ‘I so don’t even care’ and Evil is like, the barricades a good idea but why would Hotch want to help him.

Hotch is like ‘I don’t’ and Evil says ‘Wait…you said they ‘knew’ I was in here’

Hotch does a great job of faking like he’s shit one and goes ‘Uh…I said they knOw you’re in here’ and Evil’s like oh no you didn’t and Reid is like ‘why does it matter’ and Evil says it matters cos Hotch wants to help him even if he doesn’t know it, and tells Hotch to tell us why.

He says if Hotch lies or leaves anything out, he’ll shoot him.

Hotch takes a breath and says ‘they knew he was here and they knew he was armed and they knew he’d fight to the last. And they sent me in here with an unarmed kid who cant shoot himself out of a wet paper bag’

Reid actually looks really stung at the last and Evil smirks ‘They set you up’

Hotch agrees and says they’re probably laughing about it right now and Evil says that’s why he wants to help.

Hotch says he doesn’t want to ‘help’ as such but he knows that when the cops come in to get revenge for HerringBoned Evil will go down shooting and in the crossfire a lot of ‘us’ are going to be killed.

 Again, the hostages gasp and fret and Hotch is like ‘they’ sent him in there (the ‘to die’ left unspoken) so why should he make it easy for them.

Outside, Gideon pulls Sarge aside and asks him not to go in yet.

Sarge says Gideon has to consider the possibility that Hotch and Reid are dead, or at least disarmed and Gideon’s like ‘yeah but Hotch is in there with his profilerness and he’ll totally get Evil onside and get him to walk out peacefully’

Sarge reminds him Evil shot ten people, he killed a cop! And Gideon’s like ‘yeah the cops dead, move on, this man is a violent deranged paranoid and sees the whole thing as a game and will do what ever he has to. He says if Sarge sends the men in they’ll just become villains in his little hero fantasy and they’re letting Evil call all the shots.

Sarge asks how unarmed men are going to stop him and Gideon says they’re not unarmed, they have the profile, they understand[Evil]

Sarge has a pretty funny look on his face like ‘yah, I’m so sure’

He says his men will be ready to go in, in three minutes, that Hotch and Reid, have those three minutes.

Gideon watches him storm off, probably thinking ‘yeah thanks tool, I’ll just call Hotch and let him know’

Back in the ER, Hotch says ‘You know why they took Boy Geniuses gun away?’

Poor Reid man!!

Hotch says Reid failed his qualification and twice a year he has to listed to Reid whine about re-qualifying and he tutors him, but Reid fails again.

-         I have to point this out, for me this is totally about Hotch reminding Reid about guns, about him tutoring Reid only days before and about his second weapon. Which is brilliant for many reasons because a)we see how fucking cool Hotch is under pressure b) we see his understanding of how Reid’s mind works and c) even though it’s a total ploy it fits perfectly with the whole vibe.

Evil is like ‘I totally have it worse’ and says everyone in there undermines him.

Hotch says ‘Put them next to the barricade’ and Reid is like BAM looks right at him and you just know that if he didn’t get it before(which I maintain he did, to a degree) then that’s where he did.

Hotch says when SWAT comes in it’ll solve both their problems, that that sort of thing (killing civvies) could ruin a cops career.

Evil ‘You are one sick dude’ hehe

Hotch, dead eyed : How do you think I found you?

Out side SWAT are geared to go and Sarge yells to ready teams for assault. I cant help but think Evil would surely be able to hear them but no one else does as we see Gideon and the team looking pensive…again…some more…I should hot key that.

Any way, in the ER the hostages are moved and Hotch asks if he can ask a favour.

Evil ‘You can ask’

Hotch says he figures he not getting out alive, so can he kick the shit out of Reid.

Reid’s face at this is heart breaking but…knowing that he knows the plan, that’s some damn good acting from the Goob/Reid.

Hotch says Reid’s been a pest for three years now (meaning he’s been a fed since he turned 21 which I guess would mean he at least joined before then? And was probably classed as some sort of trainee or what ever til he was legal?)

Bless his heart, Reid actually looks to Evil like, for help, but Evil is…well he’s evil, and goes ‘knock yourself out’

Hotch pounces on Reid who makes this little noise sounding all of ten and aaargh its so harsh!!

We see SWAT moving into position then we’re back with Hotch kicking the SHIT out of Reid, snarling ‘how smart are you now smart guy’ punctuating each ‘smart’ with a vicious kick to the ribs ‘Its front sight, trigger press, follow through! It’s not that hard, a Dalmatian could do it!’

He’s awesomely just re-schooled Reid on the shootage, so…heee!

Reid grabs at Hotch’s leg and you can totally believe he’s like, out of it, clutching at what ever and Hotch barks ‘Let go!’ while Evil looks on, evilly loving it because he’s sick.

Reid and his adorably odd socks roll over onto his side, his hands sort of curled up hidden by his body and legs.

We hear a foleyed sound effect of a gun being cocked and flash to SWAT lined up outside, all their guns primed and ready.

In the ER, Evil asks a spent Hotch if he feels better while Reid lays coughing painfully on the ground.

Hotch takes a deep breath and stares right at Evil, saying ‘I think he got the message’ which HA!!!

Evil laughs and looks over at Reid’ who’s still curled on his side, then his eyes zero in on Hotch’s ankle holster which of course is exposed and empty.

He’s goes ‘whats that?’ and we cut to SWAT outside preparing to go in 5, 4, 3

We see the holster again and pan up Hotch’s body to his face as he looks up, and…it’s a fleeting shot but the face on him, he is sad, terrified, he takes this breath like ‘this is it’ and we see Evil has raised his gun to shoot and Reid spins around and shoots the motherfucker right between the eyes!!!!!!

All of which happened in 2 seconds.

And rocked.

 Sarge outside snaps ‘WE GO NOW!!!’ as Hotch yells ‘Federal agent!!it’s all clear!’ and opens the door from the inside, saying its clear and letting SWAT in.

 We see Gideon and the team rush forward, dropping Evil’s file on a chair, forgotten and in VO Hotch quotes Shakespeare ‘Nothing is so common as the wish to become remarkable’

We see Evil’s body bag being wheeled past an ambulance, Reid sitting in the back watching it go.

Hotch walks up with this hilarious slump to his shoulders like, he’s not only exhausted but he’s really feeling bad but also sort of pissed he’s having to apologise, its great.

He takes this big breath and asks if Reid is okay.

Reid looks at him for like a nano second and is like ‘yeah’ and Hotch is like ‘…Nice shot’ with the perfect expression on his face like ‘what the hell do I say?’

Reid nods then says ‘I was aiming for his leg’ which is adorable again, some more and Hotch does this brilliantly hopeless half smile like ‘Oh…right’ then goes, without looking up and truly sounding ten years old ‘I wouldn’t have kept kicking but I was afraid you didn’t get my plans’ and its like…its exactly how a kid would apologise, without saying the word ‘sorry’ and half shifting the blame off them selves.

Beautiful work from Gibson here, like, seriously, adorable, brilliant, totally awkward.

 Reid says he got the plan as soon as Hotch moved the hostages out of his line of fire and Hotch is like ‘well I hope I didn’t hurt you too badly’ and again, cant even look at Reid when he says it, I love him I love him.

Reid says ‘Hotch I was a 12 year old child prodigy in a Las Vegas public high school…you kick like a nine year old girl’

Hotch breaks out grinning and so does Reid and its like apology, accepted and its so cute and I die.

Reid goes to give the gun back and I’m not even going to gripe about how the gun would have been seized in the ER as technically its evidence in a death even if the death was justified, I love this scene that much. Hotch tells him to keep it, that as far as he’s concerned Reid has passed his qualification and …I guess you can tell the official board that Hotch.

He leaves and Reid stands up, walking past Morgan who has cutely come over to see if Reid is alright.

Reid wordlessly and without stopping tosses Morgan the whistle(which he kept!!) and gives him a nod of ‘yeah’ and walks off, cool as a fucking cucumber.

Morgan regards the whistle and nods ‘Touche Kid’, walking into the fade down.

We’re back on the jet and the team barring Reid and Gideon are sleeping as Gideon walks to Reid’s seat and asks if he’s okay.

Reid, the left side of his face bruised and sore looking says Gideon was right, you don’t need a gun to kill somebody and Gideon sits across from him and says ‘No, you don’t’ and Reid says ‘But it helps’ with this tiny smile.

Gideon just says, ‘yes, it does’

Reid shifts in his seat and says ‘I know I should feel bad…about what happened, I mean…I killed a man. I should feel something…but I don’t’ with this confused little frown.

Gideon says ‘Not knowing what you feel…that’s not the same as not feeling anything’ with this deep frown of concern but like…understanding, as Reid sort of nods like ‘O…k?’

Gideon goes on ‘This is gonna hit ya, and when it does…there’s only three facts you  have to know’ Reid leans forward, eager to learn, love it, as Gideon says ‘You did what you had to do…And a lot of good people are alive because of what you did’

Reid takes this in then asks ‘What’s the third?’

Gideon, looking him square in the eye, his face totally serious ‘I’m proud of you’

Reid, bless, manages to hold in this giant grin, but his eyes light the hell up as he takes this in. He’s meeting Gideon’s eyes and he sort of glances away as you see him think ‘proud of me for something technically bad’ and Gideon lowers his head like…I don’t know like the weight of what he’s just said is a lot. Reid is blatantly giddy but knows he shouldn’t be and sort of leans back in his seat, going back to staring out of the window, the corners of his mouth twitching with the urge to turn up in a big smile as Gideon just looks…sad, I think, that Reid is going to have to deal with this now, which, totally aaw!

That whole scene, aaaw!! Both those last two scenes, aaaw!!!!

 Once again, it’s the quiet moments between the leads that make this show so brilliant, like that, you sort of get the feeling that Gideon’s never really said that before, not really, and Reid’s been dying to hear it, and never got to, so its actually a very big deal but its almost soured by what its been said over so neither of them can be totally content to just go with it which is sad but at the same time, aaaw!!!

Criminal Minds Episode 6!

LDSK!!

Long Distance Serial Killer, by the way.

Now, I learned all I need to know about snipers from…that episode of CSI Miami about snipers, so when we open on a shot of a box kite and an American flag both blowing sort of…to the right…I know the killer is using them as wind markers.

We pan around from the flag and kite to see the kid flying the kite looking like he thinks he’s speed demon…seriously kid, it’s a box kite…get over it.

 Any way we see that we’re in a park and its pretty busy, people on bikes, and a boy and his father playing football.

As the kid runs into a tackle by his dad, all very ‘aaw, fathers and sons’ we cut to a finger on a trigger squeezing-before we cut to Reid in goggles and earphones, firing off a gun and looking nervous as hell.

We see his target, and not a single bullet has hit inside the lines, as Hotch, coaching our resident genius, explains a SWAT learned way to shoot; focus on the front sight not the target, controlled trigger press, and follow through, come back to the target after the shot.

He asks Reid what he did wrong, listing off all his rules monotone, all business, and Reid is like ‘didn’t follow through’ and sighs, saying his firearms classification is tomorrow and that he barely passed the last one.

He’s pulled his earphones off, by the way, and as Hotch steps around him, drawing his gun and listing his rules, Reid grabs the headphones and clamps them back on, slamming his hands over his ears as Hotch shoots and hits the target dead on.

He lets Reid shoot again, explaining that if he follows the rules he’ll hit his target every time.

Reid takes up his gun, frowns uncertainly and takes aim.

The gunshot carries us back to park, where the football playing father has fallen out of shot(excuse the pun) as his son escapes the tackle and runs to an imaginary touch down, cheering to himself.

He turns around and sees his father is laying where he fell, on his front, facing away from him.

The kid scoffs at first, all ‘I’m not falling for it’ as he walks back towards his still motionless father.

As he gets closer he starts to frown, realising his father might not be okay, and eventually he turns his dad over (I say he turns his dad over, the actor totally turns himself since he outweighs his ‘son’ by about a hundred pounds) to see blood all over his fathers pristine white shirt.

 The kid naturally freaks out and we get Scope vision as the shooter pans over the park and focuses on Kite kid. The Scope pans down to the kids gut and a gun shot rings out as we flash cut back to Reid who we see, has landed three shots on the targets crotch.

Hotch asks if Elle taught Reid that, which, hehe, I like when Hotch is funny, and Reid frets that ‘they’ will take away his gun.

Hotch tells him profilers aren’t required to carry and Reid exposits that Hotch carries two. This is just so we know, later, that Hotch has a gun on his ankle, and he brings it out, fires of a few rounds that of course hit dead on, then tells Reid that Gideon said to him, when he first joined the BAU, ‘You don’t need a gun to kill some one’ That’s true. You can use a knife or a candle stick or engineer a car wreck…

Reid says he doesn’t understand and Hotch tells him he will, then wishes him good luck and takes his leave.

Reid picks up the gun and takes aim, and we seamlessly cut back to Scope Vision, tracking a girl on a bike.

Back to Reid as he fires a shot, then we cut to the next day at the BAU office where everyone is business as usual.

 As Gideon walks in, Elle tells him and us that Reid failed the qualification.

Gideon is all ‘no big, he can re-test in two weeks’ but Elle points out that he’ll be embarrassed so they shouldn’t mention it.

Gideon nods and looks all fatherly at the team all ‘yeah, lets not’

Morgan is all ‘not a word’ blatantly the mean big brother.

Reid storms in looking pensive and sits at his desk, and Morgan, shooting a look at Elle and taking something from his desk, walks over and gives Reid a ‘sympathetic’ look saying ‘hey, we’re all here for you’

Reid, adorably, looks up at Morgan with an expression like ‘what ever you’re going to say, say it, I don’t believe for a second you’re sincere’

Morgan goes ‘seriously! If you need anything…’, then, like the ass hole he was in season one, pulls out a football whistle on a chain and loops it over Reid’s head, giving it a toot ‘Just blow on that’

Reid is just staring at him and as Morgan, dickishly, walks away, Reid tears the whistle off and slams it on the table, frustratedly running his hands through his hair as Elle looks on sympathetically.

 JJ comes in with case files and gives the team the skinny on the shootings at the park, apparently it’s the third of its kind in two weeks and Elle asks if it’s a sniper as the team begins to peruse the files.

Morgan says they don’t use the word ‘sniper’, JJ explaining that the publics perception is that the FBI doesn’t have the best record with snipers.

Hotch amends that Snipers are professional marksmen and ‘these men’ aren’t snipers.

Elle asks what they call them then and Hotch says LDSK.

Reid explains ‘Long Distance Serial Killers’ and Elle asks how many they’ve ever caught using profiles.

Gideon says ‘None’

Credits.

I have like, a head ache? But in my nose. I have to go to town tomorrow.

Round Table Room; Hotch is explaining that its been two weeks, six shootings, all shot in the abdomen, with one and only fatality was a father of three, shot in a shopping mall car park. They list the other victims, explaining that investigation has found no link between any of the victims.

The shooter uses frangible bullets which fragment on impact, so they cant get a ballistics match, the victims we saw get hit survived but saw nothing, and one of them has an intact bullet lodged in his spine.

The doctors at the hospital are debating over whether or not they can remove the bullet without paralysing him.

 Morgan says that without a witness or piece of forensic evidence, they’ll only have the profile to go on…dun dun duun!

Cut the the BAU Jet and Gideon VO’s a quote from Nietzsche.

On the jet, Hotch explains that since LDSK’s are rare there isn’t a defined profile for them, but there are certain traits; They’re always male, they always have some form of military or police training, they always contact the media or police. To me that seems like enough information to start a profile I mean at the very least you could say they have a sense of honour or justice that has become warped, you could say they’re egotistical because they like to claim credit for their actions, plus there’s a certain kind of mind that can kill people so if they’ve had military or police experience, they’re at least emotionally okay with taking life.

Elle asks if its to relive the experience or to take credit and Gideon explains that its both, that all serial killers like to find ways to relive the ecstasy of the kill, either by talking with the police or media, or by returning to the dumpsite to interact with the body (ew)

Gideon says that LDSK’s, by definition don’t have this interaction with the victims.

Hotch says the Beltway Killers left a tarot card at their crime scenes and then later called a tip hot line which led to their capture.

Morgan points out that their UnSub hasn’t contacted any one, but Hotch says ‘he will’

Elle asks what they have until the UnSub does make contact, and Gideon says that sometimes its not what an UnSub does that reveals his profile but what he does not do.

Reid says this UnSub does not kill his victims, and Gideon says ‘Underkill’ is a unique signature, and Hotch asks if that is because the Unsub cant make the head shot, he doesn’t have the skill, or he doesn’t want to.

We fade to the park from the opening and a Detective Calvin, a lady cop, is waiting to greet Hotch, Morgan and Reid.

There are cones on the ground where the victims fell and Hotch says the killer must have shot from round about where they are stood, in the parking lot, close enough to make the hit but far enough away to remain unseen.

Reid says that shooting to wound makes the UnSub a Sadistic Killer, and Calvin asks if that helps them at all.

Morgan says they know a lot about sadists, but that most want to be close to their victims to watch them suffer.

Reid says that if the UnSub had a large, powerful scope he could watch the victims suffering.

Calvin asks how they determine he’s a sadist and Morgan says they spend some time in his shoes and let him, The UnSub, tell them.

Cut to the hospital where Dr Red Herring(spoiler!) is being berated by Chief Of Medicine.

It seems like Dr Red Herring thinks he can remove the bullet without paralysing the patient but COM doesn’t believe the arrogant ass wipe and is reluctant to let him try.

Gideon shakes COM’s hands and moves to shake Dr RH’s but RH steps back and says he doesn’t shake hands, basically saying he cant risk his hands being injured which…tool, you just don’t want people to touch you cos you have a god complex.

Ugh, actually though, I hate shaking hands, I was raised catholic and theres a bit in the mass where you have to shake everyones hands and say ‘peace be with you’ and it just…even as a kid knocked me sick cos a) I hate touching people and their hands always feel squicky and b)I don’t know what they’ve been doing with their hands! And I’m pretty sure Peace comes before Communion so you touch these dirty hands then touch the communion wafer and put it in your mouth?

And the communion wafer is manhandled by either the volunteer parishioners or the priest and we all know they’re mentalists so just ugh, ugh.

ANY WAY, Dr RH’s is all ‘my hands, you understand’ and Gideon gives him a look like ‘Understand you’re a shmuck, yes’ as RH asks what the team are looking for as profilers and Gideon explains that how the LDSK shoots can tell them a lot about him.

COM takes over to show the X-Rays of all the patients while Dr RH looks on and does a decent job of looking suspicious but not really obviously like ‘its so totally undoubtedly him’ suspicious.

COM explains the bullets fragment upon entry which we know, and he and RH piss some more about whether Dr RH can or cant remove the single whole bullet.

There’s…a weird camera thing going on here, its almost fish eye lens on Gideon and COM and then on RH, which…I don’t know…is it to make it seem like RH has some sort of…looming presence? Cos seeing up a mans nostril doesn’t make him loomy…it makes him…well, nothing.

A woman I’m going to name Butch Mc’Hair asks what significance the bullet has in the profile and Gideon explains it gives them a rifle type which can be hugely significant to the profile. I’ll buy that.

Butch asks RH if he thinks he can safely perform the surgery and we’re back up his nose (with weird lighting as well, from the X-Ray box but its almost greenish, it makes it look like RH should be painted green and wearing a hat and cawing ‘I’ll get you my pretty!and your little bullet too!’) for him to say he KNOWS he can perform the surgery.

Everyone looks a little pensive but we don’t care cos we’ve jumped back to the park and we’re staring at a handicapped parking space.

Hotch remarks that the space couldn’t be further from the entrance of the building it should be for, and it has line of site for all three shootings.

Morgan asks and Hotch talks it out; At that range the unsub would need to factor in wind speed, so he’d need some where with a wide range of fire.

We see Behavioural SFX as he talks, an average looking dude pulls up in a car, checks out the flag and pulls a can of paint from his pocket while Hotch prattles on that he ensure the space would be empty when he came back; We see the unsub spray painting a fake handicapped insignia onto the floor.

Okay, the park wasn’t that crowded but I have to call total bullshit, a handicapped parking space doesn’t guarantee it would be empty, people aren’t that nice, so, shut up show.

Moving on, Hotch says the shooter shoots from his car and Morgan points out that that would mean he’d want to leave quickly and not stick around to watch the people suffer.

Detective Calvin has this hilarious look on her face that screams ‘y’all know you contradict one another, right?!’ and I have a look on my face like ‘Y’all know that there’s a hair in the lens in this close up of Calvin, right?!’

Reid says leaving makes him not a sadist and Calvin asks what it does make him.

Hotch tells us all ‘A very smart, very resourceful, very paranoid sociopath’

Side Bar; Since I have to have something complicated and…vaguely homoerotic done to my laptop on Thursday, I have just spent…more or less the entire night since half five (It’s 4 am as I write this) saving my various important files to various new places, external hard drives, USB’s, hell in some cases just emailing them to my self.

My photo’s saved on this computer, alone took up 21 emails to myself, and that’s with an average of say…200 pictures per email. The biggest file was the Tim Burton collection I needed for my cult 204 project last term which took up 3 emails. Johnny Depp is CRUELLY pretty.

We go back to the hospital where Gideon, JJ and Elle are sitting around waiting to hear back on surgery.

Elle wonders why the Unsub shoots between 2.55 and 3.15pm and Gideon says that’s when he’d do it since there are less cops on the street. He explains that cops overlap their shift changes so there’s always some one minding the shop, second shift starts at three, first shift walks at three thirty.

JJ says that would mean more cops around, surely and Gideon says in theory yes, but then again, explains; He says the first half hour of your shift you’re in roll call, not out on the street( I watched Third Watch…and know this to be true) and the last half hour you’re at the station doing paperwork, booking your perps.

That 25 minutes is a bad guy’s golden window.

Elle asks who outside of law enforcement would know that then realises the Unsub knows it and while she never says it, the implication is the Unsub is a cop. Gideon says he’s considered the possibility of this as Dr RedHerring comes back in surgical scrubs with the bullet in a little plastic bag.

 He holds it out for Gideon to see then very rudely drops it on the table which pisses me off for two reasons a) RUDE and b) even though its not like a massive drop or owt, isn’t that just a little bit risky? I mean potentially it could scratch up the bullet or change some microscopic piece of evidence that could end up being super vital later on.

Elle does this awesome double take at him like ‘you did NOT just dis Gideon AND our evidence!’ and Dr RH snarks that he hopes they find it useful before turning to leave.

Without looking up from the bullet, Gideon calls him back, then looks at him and asks how the patient is.

Dr RH says the patient will be fine, just like he totally said, DUDE. Or words to that effect, then winks at Elle who looks like she threw up in her mouth a little, then walks out.

JJ gives Elle a look like ‘yikes’ then says Radiology can take photos and email them out for consults…i…don’t know what she means by that…of the bullet, the wound?

 Gideon says to contact Hotch and get the bullet to Garcia, and to tell him about the Shift Change thing.

Cut to Hotch, Morgan and Reid at the police station looking at maps and Morgan’s phone rings.

 He answers it and we cut to a close up of Garcia’s lips as she says ‘Isnt this spooky?’

Morgan (and the rest of us) is all ‘Isnt what spooky?’ and Garcia says that Morgan was thinking about her right then, and then, she called him, and isn’t that spiritual.

Morgan puts on a valley dude voice and goes ‘Uh, who is this?’ and Garcia’s face falls and she snaps ‘Why do you hurt me?’ but jokingly and fun.

Morgan laughs and asks if she’s gotten a geological profile yet and she says she has good and bad news as we cut to Hotch and Reid telling Calvin they think the killer has intimate knowledge of law enforcement procedures and Calvin already looks like ‘Don’t even go there bitches’

Reid, his cheekbones looking fabulous, asks how far out of Calvin’s stations jurisdiction line the second crime scene was (i…don’t remember if they mentioned on the show before but just in case you didn’t guess, the shootings have happened in different jurisdictions, different police territories) Calvin says about...something miles, not a lot but I’ll be damned if I’m going back to check and Reid and his CheekBones speculate that if the Unsub knew how hard it is for cops from separate jurisdictions to interact and communicate on mutual cases, he might have intentionally crossed jurisdiction lines to fuck the investigation up.

Calvin looks pissy again, but with a ‘I don’t believe this’ smile, says ‘y’all are saying the shooters a cop’ and…this might be the only time I’d allow for ‘On Site’ Cop angst.

Hotch says it’s a possibility and explains that the shooters technique, his knowledge of procedure etc are indicative.

Calvin, fairly says his technique is also indicative of time in the army which doesn’t mean cop and Hotch agrees, as Morgan comes over and corrects, ‘Marine’ (best snipers in the world) Ranger, or other specialised unit’ in a way that makes me think he knows from example, not angsty or anything just…intimate knowledge.

He explains that the bullet comes from a…fnarly garly barly gun basically it’s a rifle with a shorter barrel than the average which makes it harder to shoot, especially from the distances the shooter has, indicating specialised training.

Reid points out that if he’s trained, the shooter knows exactly what he’s doing and Hotch finishes the thought, he intended to wound.

Hotch says its is if the shooter needs to show them how smart he is and Morgan says Garcia cant get a geographical profile (that’s when the get an idea where he might live depending on where he kills/attacks) without more data, since the killer doesn’t focus on one area.

Calvin asks what kind of data and Morgan says more crime scenes.

Hotch says she’s going to get them, that the Unsub has something to prove.

I gotta ask, again, first time I saw this ep and the guy was only killing to wound, I thought Hero Homicide[Not in as many words but the concept at least] Which is when some one engineers injuries or disasters because they get off on the buzz of saving the lives of the people they’ve hurt, the most famous case involved…I think an ICU doctor poisoning a bunch of patients so they’d Code, so he or she could rush to the rescue… they explain it in this ep but there ya go.

We cut to a restaurant with an out doors seating and focus on a couple talking( Guess, Garcia didn’t have to wait very long) about…a security guard and a kid who has been suspended or something, it cant be this couples kid cos …I don’t know, expulsion(which the kids facing) seems a bit much for any kid they’d have…who’d be all of two…they’re young, is what I’m saying.

Any way, there’s that…soft whistle-thwack that accompanies very quiet gun shots and the woman gives this…sigh…almost like she’s just uncontrollably wet herself only its not funny its creepy cos her face is so sad looking.

She says she doesn’t feel well and excuses herself to the bathroom but as she stands up we see a bullet hole and blood on her dress.

Her fuck wit husband is like ‘duh, ders sumthing on you dress’ as she starts to rightly freak out, and as Husband stands up, there’s a great moment where, the camera is level with his abdomen as squibs on the front if body goes off and behind him, a wine bottle explodes with the bullet impact, nice timing there prop guys, and he falls to the ground as people start losing their respective shit. It looks for a second like the waiter who was near the wine bottle might have some glass in his eyes cos he’s holding his hands on them, and then he gets shot too so its like, dude, shoulda called in sick today or what.

For no good reason at all, like, its clearly midday so why isn’t she in school, there’s some little girl there who sees everything an screams her fool head off and…okay, I hit pause to write this and I have it frozen on a close up of the girl screaming and seriously…I think she’s supposed to be around ten? But judging by the lines on her forehead and around her eyes? She’s really, really not ten…hehe.

Any way they fade to black over the girls (snerk) screaming face doing the same thing they did before which is, as the music builds to the climax and the fade comes in, there’s a double gunshot like AS the black comes up and the music halts. It’s a cool effect.

We come back to see the cops and our team are all over the scene, Elle telling us it’s the same guy but only 48 hours since the last shooting.

Gideon is hilariously but like, importantly, probably, stooping and squinting out into the street, and says that media attention and the FBI’s presence will only escalate ‘his’ desire to shoot again. Calvin; ‘Meaning?’

Gideon says its going to get a lot worse.

I get momentarily distracted by one of the deputies in the back ground who is pretending to talk to the guy he’s stood with and is stroking his chin like ‘why yes Watson, these shootings present a terrible conundrum, the game is afoot!’

I have to rewind and doing so makes me look harder at some of the shots and I think its just weird lighting but it really looks like the street back ground is a green screen…any way, JJ says they need to give a profile and asks if the teams ready and Elle points out they’ve crossed jurisdictions again.

Gideon says they’re ready to give a profile but the cops aren’t going to like it.

He says it with this shake of his head, sounding all harried like he’s talking about a cake he made and the international league of bakers he has to present it to…in my head…

Cut to a squad room and a bunch of cops including some dudes in jump suits who are SWAT, standing around while JJ says that the profile they’re giving is not to be given to the media and doing so can get people killed. Then she steps aside and lets the team take over and I…don’t understand why she had to do that…I love her and all but wouldn’t that work better coming from Gideon, the leader?

It’s like the teacher needlessly explaining something the head teacher is about to explain any way, like….its just weird, and seems to exist just to show JJ being part of the actual presentation which, fair enough but…still…..

Hotch steps up into Behavioural SFX and says they’re looking for a 30 to 40 year old male driving a car large enough to shoot from but nothing so big it’d be noticed.

He says it’s probably, like the Beltway shooter, a sedan customised to let him shoot and to conceal the sound.

 Like I say, BSFX is going on for all of this so we get Scope Vision again and basically a repeat of the pre credits bit.

Hotch says the shooter is a narcissist, works out obsessively and is never without a weapon; We see shots of the Washington shooters, I think? Intercut with shots of a tarot card, the some guy playing the shooter, nice body, in front of mirrors, striking shooting poses.

Hotch says the shooter is totally self centred and cant empathise, and he’s incapable of admitting fault so blames everyone else around him when things go wrong. Gideon is scoping the room, awesomely.

Hotch says the unsub has no friends and will have changed jobs a lot. He is drawn to high stakes jobs in a need to prove his superiority to a world he perceives has undervalued him and the shootings are the ultimate expression of that need.

He breaks out the ‘we wont say it aloud just yet but totally think it’s a cop’ angle and Gideon gets a reaction shot of like ‘this is it’

Naturally a cop jumps on this and Hotch basically says ‘this guy is or was a cop’ and some smarmy looking 2^nd Red Herring…Officer HerringBoned(he dies, spoiler) snarks the killer must be driving a white van too, and people snicker and giggle.

Some sergeant looking dude pulls rank and tells Hotch they can talk in his office while HerringBoned shoots beams of death from his eyes.

In the office Hotch, Calvin and JJ explain they want to re-enact the third shooting, conveniently the one we saw, as it will give them certain ideas about the traffic to and from the park, things witnesses may have seen but not realised the importance of, and Sarge agrees to it.

Out in the office, Gideon is sort of manically scribbling a note as Reid walks up to him looking adorKable.

HA! I totally put that word in my dictionary, then forgot I did it.

Any way, Gideon asks Reid how he’s holding up and Reid says without a gun on his belt he looks like a teachers assistant…I think you look alarmingly skinny but that’s nothing to do with guns so back to the scene.

Gideon stands up…sort of wired, and says Reid doesn’t worry about how he looks…but not in an insulting way, and Reid repeats what Hotch said about what Gideon said about not needing a gun.

Gideon says the only truly effective weapon they(profilers) have is the ability to do the one thing the killers cant; Empathise. He says the killers dehumanise their victims and the profilers humanise the killers.

Reid says Gideon’s only saying that to convince Reid he doesn’t need to carry a gun and Gideon says he doesn’t care if Reid carries a gun or not, that the deadliest weapon they have is an accurate profile.

Reid bitches ‘of course you believe that’ and Gideon snaps ‘The foot path killer he had a shotgun to the back of my head, I’m here he’s not’ and walks away leaving Reid looking pensive, but hilariously, not like he just got a bollocking, just like he still wants his freakin gun GIDEON.

 Is…the footpath killer dead then cos uh…that’s not what happened in that episode….

Any way we cut to the re-enactment and various team members have video cameras feeding to a mobile unit van, and are standing in the positions of the eye witnesses so they know more or less what the witnesses would see.

Reid is standing where Kite Kid was and says he can see the parking lot so might have been able to see the car if he’d looked down from the kite.

Gideon tells the ‘unsub’ to pop the trunk to see if Reid can see it and we see a car parked behind Hotch, the trunk popping open and HerringBoned with a gun, leaning out. We don’t see that it’s HerringBoned…but it totally is so…

Reid says he cant see it and Gideon has the teams move to their new positions.

In the van, JJ is watching the news and sees a report is running about their current re-enactment of the shootings.

The reporter ‘reveals’, inaccurately, the shooter is a cop and JJ gets pissed, saying the only people who knew where cops and only cops had something to lose from breaking the news to why would they?

Calvin asks the same question and there’s a weird cut where we get her reaction shot before JJ says ‘contact with the media’

I’d also like to point out that as soon as she saw the news, JJ started eyeing her cell phone like she knows(and she does) that any second its gonna start ringing.

 Calvin goes ‘WHAT?’ and Gideon says the cop who leaked the story is a good suspect and contacting the media is his way of keeping the whole thing alive…surely shooting more people keeps it alive just as well?

He and JJ rush out and he, JJ, Calvin, Sarge and the other SWAT guy from before who laughed at HerringBoned square up to the reporter who’s like, right next to the van. JJ tells him he needs to identify his source and Reporter gets all ‘I know my right’s’ or he tries but Gideon just arm locks him and cuffs him without a word as Reporter bitches at his cameraman to get it all on film.

JJ is cool as ice as she tells Reporter the FBI considers the shootings acts of terrorism so under the patriot act they can detain him as long as they need to and he finally says he only has a cell number. Gideon calls Hotch who calls Garcia for the number trace and once again, there is a HAIR IN THE LENS like seriously, get this show a fucking budget!

As Hotch is giving Garcia the number we see Scope Vision tracking Gideon, JJ and Calvin as they walk through the park all quick, then slides over to Elle, then back to Gideon.

 Normal Vision shows Calvin asking Gideon if he shouldn’t pull the team out of the park and Gideon says if the shooter’s there he’ll know something is wrong and start shooting.

Garcia tells Hotch the cell number is part of a batch purchased by the local police department and Hotch pushes for a name.

She tells him it’ll take a sec so he asks for a location as Calvin runs up to him, which we see through Scope Vision.

Garcia tells Hotch the cell is in the park and Hotch relays this to Calvin as we get more Scope Vision of…REID!!!! DON’T YOU DARE!!!

Again it jumps to Elle and I notice she has AWFUL posture, like what the hell way is she standing?!

Hotch is like ‘Name Garcia!’ and she names HerringBoned.

Hotch tells Calvin and she balks and tells him HerringBoned is the unsub.

Hotch, hehe, is like ‘fucking duh woman’ and she reiterates, HerringBoned is playing the unsub.

Hotch looks over his shoulder at the barrel of a gun sticking out of a trunk like three feet away and we see inside the trunk, HerringBoned is looking through his scope as his phone rings and he cancels the call.

 We see he has a fuckin’YOOOGE, USMC (United States Marine Core, Huah!) tattoo on his forearm and there’s more Scope Vision, this time after focusing on his finger on the trigger, of Elle and her appalling posture. I want him to kill her, bitch cant even stand up straight.

Also its nineteen minutes in, as if this dude is the killer.

We fade out and come back to Hotch and Calvin coming back to the incident van and telling Sarge to call HerringBoned in since he’s the leak.

Sarge immediately gets on the radio and tells his team he need SWAT in the lot that HerringBoned is the shooter so come heavy.

Wow. Sarge really hates HerringBoned.

Hotch is like ‘we said ‘leak’ not shooter dude’ and Sarge says best case all HerringBoned is is the leak, and he(Sarge) isn’t going to risk any of his men getting hurt, they go heavy and they take him clean.

Calvin and Hotch exchange pensive looks and Hotch looks right into the frigging camera, heheee, then looks away super quick so you almost let him get away with it but heheee! And also GIVE THIS SHOW SOME MONEY SO THEY CAN DO RETAKES WHEN THEY NEED TO!!!

I mean its not even for acting either!!! I’m beginning to suspect that this show was, in the early days, a One Take kind of show, so bravo to the actors for being able to produce some stellar acting on what has to have been a limited shoot.

More Scope Vision of Elle and her like…really, really god awful posture, talking on her phone, crookedly because her spine is shaped like a pretzel, then swinging to JJ and Gideon and…okay, the music on Elle is like, a little bit tense, then as he swings to JJ and Gideon it gets like a ‘thrill’ of violins, like the equivalent of a gasp…I sort of love that even the show is like ‘fuck off Elle no one cares. And stand up straight’

 HerringBoned puts the gun down and calls out on his radio for whats going on and seriously if you hadn’t already figured out he wasn’t the shooter, that hopefully clued you in(that and the whole ’20 minutes in’ thing, and the fact his scope is different, and the fact he’s never pointed the gun directly at any ones abdomen, but rather just at them or in JJ and Gideon’s case, between them)

He Scopes again and again, looks at Elle and tbh I think he’s just hot for her.

Outside the car we see SWAT sneaking up behind him and dropping a smoke bomb right beneath the trunk so all the smoke goes fully inside the tiny enclosed space like dude!!!!!! Harsh.

HeringBoned coughs and gags as expected and I’m surprised we don’t see a lung come flying out.

We see Elle hit the deck (didn’t have far to go there you crooked spined whore…I don’t know why I’m so angry about her bad posture…but I am) And Morgan has to grab Reid and pull him down too, which…i…don’t buy. There’s a sense to the whole thing that its planned, that they’ve been told, act normal till you see the gas, then hit the deck…so why would Reid not know? To not tell him because you think he couldn’t act natural is as stupid as it is dangerous, I mean why not just tell him to walk behind a tree?

 It’s one thing to set a character up as a somewhat introverted genius type who just plain isn’t physical, but to set him up as sort of a joke and as like, dangerously physically inept in that respect is as clichéd as it is, as I said, stupid.

Any way, Sarge and SWAT are surrounding the car and Sarge tells HerringBoned to toss his rifle and side arm out.

HerringBoned can speak(I guess he had a gas mask in the trunk…and some oxygen tanks) and says he doesn’t understand and Sarge tells him they know what he (HerringBoned) did.

HerringBoned says he can explain and Sarge snaps ‘don’t make me give the order’

I imagine HerringBoned’s thoughts are some where along the lines of ‘wow they really don’t like us talking to reporters’ since he’s so not the shooter and trying to make us think he is just sucks.

 He tosses out his guns, and as ordered, slowly climbs out of the trunk, shooting more beams of death at Sarge from his EYES and the dozen or so SWAT guys pounce on him and cuff him.

We see him being escorted by all of the SWAT guys as a bullet hole appears in the middle of his forehead and props to the effects guy who remembered the red mist behind his head just before he falls. Any one who still thinks he might be the shooter? Really, that many of you?…huh.

SWAT all go nuts screaming ‘shots fired’ and we see JJ and Gideon who where walking towards them, duck, Gideon jumping on JJ who just drops, which, aaw!

We see the other teams members head for cover as SWAT look around for the shooter and we see a shot of Gideon looking up to look around, clearly still keeping JJ down, which again, aaaw!!

We see the shot came from some where higher than the parking lot and a gun barrel retreats inside a trap license plate that folds back into position.

We come back and they’ve moved briefly into Papa’s office to discuss further. Reid and Gideon are focusing on the fact Kidnapper said ‘Owed’ the money, and that the ransom demand sounded scripted, like he was reading aloud, while the rest of the conversation sounded normal, and he was most relaxed talking to Cheryl.

They have six minutes left and Gideon asks how quick Papa can get the cash.

Papa looks pensive and we cut to the kitchen where Cheryl is pouring her self a glass of wine, her hands shaking.

Elle comes over and wordlessly takes both bottle and glass away and Cheryl’s all ‘uh, dude?’ she says she knows she shouldn’t but given the circumstances…

Elle says they need her at her best when the kidnapper calls back and Cheryl asks if they’ve had many cases like ‘this’

Elle sort of non answers ‘I’ve seen my share of abductions’

Cheryl says she doesn’t know how Elle can do this job. Elle says the men she hunts down are cowards who pick on the weak, usually women and children. She says there’s nothing she likes more than to put the bastards in jail.

Don’t know if it was an intentional scripting trick there, but she said ‘Men’ which, okay, its true most killers/kidnappers are men, but I prefer to think that as two women, Elle’s is sort of catering her words to make Cheryl trust her more by being like ‘us against them’ sort of thing.

Any way, she says Trish is alive, like Cheryl ‘felt’ so she should trust her instincts since they’ve been right this far.

The phone rings again and Gideon lets it ring a couple of times before he answers.

We get a Kidnapper VO of a montage as he explains that Cheryl will do everything, she’ll touch the money, she’ll carry the bag, she’ll bring it to the location, if she’s wired or they use a lookalike Trish dies.

We see Reid typing ‘he’s trying to get her alone’ once again totally getting things but not totally getting WHY things, like he’s guessed the guy wants Cheryl alone and unprotected, but not why.

Like I say, montage of Cheryl packing the bags, shot of Elle in front of the microwave, the clock read line 2.16 or something when seemingly only minutes before it read ‘8.22’

Although I’ll allow that a butt load of time might have passed for them to get the money…depending on when it gets to like, dawn…

Any way, Kidnapper says he’ll give instructions by cell phone as Cheryl drives and oh, he says she must make the drop at exactly 3am, so, good job props people and my apologies.

We see Cheryl zip up the bag of money and hoist it off and I’m trying to think how much $500,000 would weight cos Cheryl’s kinda teeny.

 Hotch says they cant let her go alone and Papa is like ‘he sees one of you…’

Hotch says one car, unmarked, tinted windows.

Papa looks at Reid who looks…its just a beautiful shot of Reid giving this minute nod but, I have to point out, Papa’s eye line doesn’t match where we know Reid is sitting but what ever, it looks like he’s basing his decision on Reid and Gideon which I like since they’re the smartest members of the team for different reasons and its all about mirrors and broken mirrors and not totally reflecting reflections and its just neat.

 Gideon just looks at him as Papa looks his way and we cut back to Papa as he says that if Kidnapper sees one of them and Trish dies…if his daughter dies…the ‘I’ll kill you all’ left unsaid.

We see Cheryl dumping the huge ass bag into her car, a banana yellow VW Bug, love the car, hate the colour.

We hear Reid saying they can track the GPS in Cheryl’s car and we see he’s on the phone to Morgan.

Morgan calls him Doc and says they first thing Kidnapper will have Cheryl do is switch cars.

Reid is the Garcia this week, hmm, I kind of like that he’s as computer savvy as she, it makes sense with his genius and all. I wonder if they’d written her character off, would they have made Reid Tech Boy?

Reid is following the GPS on his laptop so he tells Morgan where to head, a rental car lot.

He says it like ‘damn you where right Morgan’ hee

 We see Hotch and Morgan in their unmarked car with its tinted windows, watching as Cheryl’s little bug pulls into the rental car lot.

Morgan says he thinks one of the cars will be unlocked with keys in the ignition and a cell phone sitting right inside, so she switches cars and phones.

We see Cheryl sitting in her car, checking the time on her phone; 2:58

 Back to Morgan and Hotch, both agreeing that Kidnapper will have Cheryl drive around for an hour or so to make sure no ones following, then make the drop, but Morgan is antsy, saying something doesn’t feel right about the situation.

He says he feels like the kidnapper was watching or listening to them but Hotch says the house was checked for bugs.

Morgan says the ransom was too simple so Hotch tells him to think it out.

Morgan starts to list, he says he’ would have said no cops, he would have been really anal about the money, no consecutive notes, no tracking devices in the car or money bag, no explosive dye in the money bag-during this, we see Cheryl take a call and climb out of her car, while the boys watch.

Hotch nods and asks why the kidnapper never said that.

They watch Cheryl starting to walk forwards while on the phone.

She’s wearing these high heeled boots and long skirt and tbh, I’ve seen that outfit on Sims 2, but my main issue is, if I knew I was going to a ransom drop and suspected even for a second I’d be running or fighting, or even I didn’t, cos, Ransom drop, my ass would be wearing either flat boots or training shoes I can run in, and some sweat pants, not just to feel a little less vulnerable, but so I could actually put up some kind of fight if I needed to. Those boots, that constrictive skirt?Oy!

Hotch and Morgan FINALLY figure out its not about the money, it’s a second kidnapping as Cheryl approaches a car that, okay, when they first got to the lot they where sitting so they could see Cheryl parked at one end of a line of cars, now, all the windows where steamed up on all the stationary cars but we could only see two cars that where more or less level with one another.

The car Cheryl approaches as Morgan and Hotch get out of their car and yell at her to get down, isn’t in any of the shots we see of the line of cars, and given Cheryl’s location on the ground after the car speeds off, I’m not sure it was even THERE in those other shots…naw it was probably just out of the frame.

We see a door in front of her was just opening but as she hits the deck and the boys start shootin, the car speeds off.

The boys and Cheryl get home, and Morgan says ‘Cheryl’s okay’ Cheryl looking sort of shell shocked and everyone’s all ‘shit’

The phone rings again as soon as Cheryl’s in the room, and again, first time I saw this ep I thought, how did he know?

 Kidnapper sounds a little breathless and says that the running around was fun and doesn’t Cheryl have to admit it got her pulse racing a little bit?

He says the Fibbie’s figured out his plan and ruined it but if they hadn’t he’d have had the whole set, the matching pair.

We see Reid type ‘He’s a collector’

I like that, that they’ve got this exposition without saying anything.

Cheryl asks why he’s doing this even though Morgan is signalling her to shut her fool mouth, and Kidnapper says she asked him to with her glances and how she talked, her little gestures.

 Morgan hits the hold button and tells Cheryl to shut her damn mouth, but he might say ‘Don’t talk to him’ but Cheryl hits the button and yells ‘what do you want?!’

Kidnapper is like ‘You, maaaybe not today, and maaaybe not tommorrah’(simpsons flashback) but he promises they’ll be together.

He hands up and every one looks pissed or pensive while the loud ticking goes on in the background, which, I love. Gideon has sort of, walked off on his own and is looking into the room with like, half his view covered by a wall.

 We fade to black on just half of Gideon’s face, the other half covered in shadow.

See? Reflections that aren’t exactly reflections.

God I’m good.

We come back and Gideon, with funny half lighting bisecting his face, is leaning on the back of a chair in the office, Cheryl and Papa sat across from him, Reid beside him.

 Gideon says they cant let Cheryl speak with Kidnapper any more and Reid explains that it feeds Kidnapper psychosis when they interact.

Reid asks if Trish was in any serious relationship before the kidnapping and Cheryl says Trish had been with Jordan for two years and, even though Papa didn’t know, they where getting engaged.

 Gideon and Reid agree this could have been the UnSub’s stessor. Did I mention that I love that its these two explaining this? I do.

 Reid explains that they’re dealing with De Clerembaults syndrome, aka Erotomania, the belief that some one, usually of a higher status than you, thinks you’re in love with them, but wont say it aloud, saying it with actions instead, with looks, gestures;

‘Glances’ Gideon clarifies ‘he said ‘you asked me with your glances’’

 Cheryl looks unnerved, again, some more, as Reid explains that the UnSub truly believes Trish and Cheryl are in love with him but don’t say with their voices, they use looks and gestures. He’s obsessed with them.

Gideon says he’s the most determined type of criminal.

We cut to the kitchen where, Oh, one of my favourite moments on the whole show, ever, as Hotch tells Morgan, who specialises in Crimes of Obsession, to take the lead, we see Gideon is peeling an orange with a knife.

 Morgan says they should check the Davenport’s staff again and run their profiles against that of a stalker.

Elle says stalker behaviour is pretty diverse and Morgan concedes but says there’s overlap, Narcissism, inflated sense of self worth. He’s had to work to get where he is in life and his speech patterns reflect him trying to make himself sound better than he is.

Gideon has moved forward and is breaking the orange into segments as he says the UnSub’s speech patterns are bizarre, he never uses contractions, it’s never ‘you’re’ always ‘you are’

 As Elle and Hotch state that they may have to accept that Trish is already dead, Gideon steps forwards again and hands every body segments of the orange, which they all take with just a thanks and no other comment.

They decide to apply pressure to the UnSub and Gideon picks something up as he walks out saying ‘there’s only one way to do that’

 And, okay, I LOVE that they team is so tightly bound that its like, a given that one of them will just offer a snack, and I love that its Gideon, the ‘dad’ of the group, making sure it’s a healthy snack, and I like to think that what he was picking up was, as well as the orange peels, Reid’s slice that he’ll take out to him.

It’s just a quiet, subtle little moment that’s awesome.

I also dig the idea that it was actually just Mandy doing that and everyone going with it because hey, he’s freaking Mandy.

Anyway, back in the dining room/control deck, the phone is ringing and everyone looks all kinds of tense. Papa reaches to answer it and Gideon stops him, letting it ring on then…hitting answer…and disconnect.

Awesome.

Every one looks like ‘Uh, dude?’ and Papa asks what he’s doing.

Gideon stays silent and the phone rings again…Gideon lets it ring, then hits answer, leans in real close and goes ‘hello?’ in this ‘I was in bed you ass hole’ voice which I love.

UnSUbNapper sounds pissed and says ‘tell me there was a technical issue with the line because if you just hung up on-’ AND GIDEON TOTALLY HANGS UP ON HIM AGAIN!!!

God could I LOVE this man more?

Papa is freaking, as is Cheryl, as the phone rings again.

While they express their unhappiness with Gideon, the camera stays on my boy who with this self satisfied little grin is watching the phone ring.

He tells Evan to be quiet, very quietly, and dude, I would shut my ass up there and then if that was me. Papa is a wise man, and hushes but Cheryl freaks out and Papa goes to grab the phone again. Gideon yells ‘don’t touch it!’ as Morgan hustles Papa away with a ‘he knows what he’s doing’

Hell YEAH he does.

Gideon hits answer and again, super casual says ‘Davenport Residence?’

 Kidnapper, even more pissed goes ‘Are you out of your mind, do you realise I’ll kill her!’

Gideon just hits disconnect.

Because he is THAT awesome.

It rings again and with another, wider grin, Gideon breaths ‘thank you’

 Papa goes nuts and tries to grab the phone but Gideon doesn’t even blink as Morgan again, drags Papa backwards while Gideon super cool as a mother fucker goes ‘keep’im quiet’ and I laugh out loud.

Cheryl is crying and Elle’s holding her, and Hotch and Morgan are having to fight Papa-D backwards while he screams ‘you’re killing her! Answer the phone’

Gideon looks up and says ‘Mr Davenport, get a hold of your self’ and I DIE of love.

Again.

Some more.

Poor Papa breaks down wailing and Gideon just goes ‘Quiet him’ like he’s totally the dictator ordering his henchmen to cut out some ones tongue.

 Gideon hits connect again and UnSubNapper screams ‘She is DEAD!YOU HANG UP ON ME AGAIN AND I RIP HER OPEN!’

Cheryl and Papa naturally freak the fuck out, as Gideon, cool as ICE, says ‘I’m sorry, you must have the wrong number’ and hits disconnect.

I….am actually dead.

Love has killed me.

The beauty of it is, I can totally picture that really happening when Gideon has no idea whats happening, like he randomly gets a call off like, the killer from scream and they’re all ‘I want to see what your insides look like’ and he’d be all ‘Wrong number dude, oh by the way I totally know who you are and have already arrested you and imprisoned you…because I’m that awesome’

 Even Morgan is like ‘Gideon, come on’

Reid has stayed silent (and out of any and all shots) through out this entire sequence, make of it what you will. I like to think its cos he’s just like ‘what, it’s gonna work, why even react?’

Papa sobs Gideon’s killed her and Gideon says ‘No, sir’ and Papa’s like ‘then what the hell are you doing dude?’

Gideon; ‘I’m saving your daughter mister Davenport’

The phone rings again and Gideon just says ‘Very Good’ because he knows, he KNOWS, he owns a mother fucker now.

Cheryl is doing a SHIT job of crying and is wearing A LOT of make up.

Gideon lets the phone ring and says ‘Have a little faith’ Yeah. In The Gideon, the One True Lord of Awesome.

 He hits answer and a calmer sounding UnSubNapper…USN, says ‘Put Cheryl on the phone’

Gideon: ‘You’re done talking to Cheryl’

This exchange follows;

USN: ‘Listen to that tone of authority, just like your published works Agent Gideon, fascinating to hear the same arrogant quality in your own voice’ Gideon is just listening with a knowing smile as Reid pulls on his head phones to listen better ‘You are a bit of a pedant Jason, a bit didactic’

Gideon: ‘Well that’s a very interesting conclusion. You sound…intelligent and you certainly sound educated…and we both know that’s not true.

USN: ‘Oh I know all about all of you; The ambitious Agent Hotchner? Do you want to be Director of the FBI some day Agent Hotchner, would you step on Jason Gideon to get there? I think you would, Post Traumatic Stress is a very good excuse, even your sick pregnant wife cant get you to leave your post’ Hotch looks blankly thoughtful, for a second his eyes flicker toward Gideon but we don’t see Gideon’s reaction ‘Jason Gideon, an expert in the criminal psyche yet unable to diagnose the autistic leanings of the very insecure Dr Reid, well maybe he can make money counting cards in Las Vegas’ Gideon is just smiling a ‘we have him’ smile, Reid just frowns like ‘the what leanings of the who now?’  ‘The Lovely Elle was promoted too soon, she doesn’t have what it takes to make it in the BAU boys club, you’re no threat to me, you’re no threat to anyone’ Elle just smirks like ‘loser’ but looks, for second, insecure…it looks like she’s meeting Gideon’s eye and a shot of him shows him seeming to smile at her as if to say ‘its all bullshit’  ‘And token Derek Morgan wants to be taken seriously but he is just a pumped up side of beef!’ Morgan actually laughs out loud, but quietly ‘I know who you are, I know how you think, and I know what to do next. Do you?’

And he hangs up.

Gideon, again is just smiling like he knows he’s won, yet again.

Papa, sounding spent asks what that meant, that he knows what to do next, if he’s going to hurt Trish?

Gideon says he was grandstanding, and Papa stands up looking to ruck as he says Gideon doesn’t know that.

Gideon, totally not afraid of Papa says he’s learned more in the last five minutes than the last 24 hours.

Papa asks why USN is focused on them now and Morgan says its because they’re interfering in his relationship with the girls.

Elle says he profiled them and Cheryl asks why he would do that.

Reid explains that often the UnSub’s are the best profilers, they’re the ones who can walk into an arcade and pinpoint the boy or girl who can be led out quietly.

Elle says USN made a mistake, he gave them something he didn’t expect.

Papa; ‘?’

Gideon says, ‘he told us how to find him’

Fade out.

Fade in and Papa is taken his life in his hands getting all up in the grill of Jason asking why he’s not out there doing something.

Gideon is trying to get a word in edgewise and Papa, apparently suicidal, wont let him.

Agent TotallyDidIt comes over and tells him everyone’s doing the best they can and basically saves his life by dragging him away from Gideon who hasn’t once lost his cool but totally should have slapped the shit out of Papa.

The BAU look a little like older kids watching their parents fight, sort of upset, a little embarrassed, kind of conflicted, as Papa and the other agents file out.

Papa has a bigger entourage than J-Lo y’all.

 With the other agents gone, Morgan states that USN, to know what he knows, has to be one of them a Fibbie.

Hotch says he’ll have Garcia run a check on all the New Haven Agents and Reid points out there are 700 agents in New Haven’s field office as well as 70 in surrounding offices, and Papa knows quite a few of them.

Elle says Cheryl cant stay there while they’re narrowing the list, if USN is an Agent he has access, weapons, and a strategy…if the UnSub is so stupid, how is he in the FBI?

Morgan asks who they can trust and Hotch says ‘No one’ all intense and you cant help notice how much he looks like Fox Mulder.

Hotch says they need to get Cheryl to a safe house and there’s a cute shot of Reid resting his chin on the heel of his hand, nodding as he looks from Hotch and Elle, to Morgan, looking about ten, hee!

Morgan says they need to limit how many agents she has contact with.

 Cut to Cheryl in an FBI Jacket and hat walking out of her house and getting in an SUV with Morgan.

There’s…depending on the lay out of the house, they’re either really close to their next door neighbour, or their house is weirdly segmented, but there’s a room in the back ground and through the window you can see a light that’s probably a computer but looks like a TV. I amuse myself imagining that when he isn’t freaking people out, Gideon is watching some basket ball game, hee!!

Elle, Cheryl, Morgan, some other agents and Agent TotallyDidIt arrive at the house and while Elle gets Cheryl settled, Agent TotallyDidIt says he’ll walk the perimeter while Morgan just looks hot some more.

We go back to Papa looking tired, and, the first time I saw this, I thought kinda shifty, as he apologises for his freak out before.

Gideon smiles and says he doesn’t have to apologise for anything, and Papa asks if the safe house is really…well, safe?

Gideon says they’ve agents inside and out, all they have to do now is wait.

I cant remember EXACTLY how this ep ends, I mean I know, but the details are hazy, but watching it now, as Gideon nods, I totally start to think that Gideon knew the kidnapper was one of the agents who would go, or be picked by Papa, to go with Cheryl, there’s something in the look he gives Papa that’s like ‘when I say wait, I mean for the agent I totally sent with your kid to make his move’

Which…is pretty ballsy there Gideon. But awesome.

Elle at the safe house is on her phone to Reid saying that the Davenport house was swept for bugs as soon as they got there and Reid says ‘I remember- in case you forgot I have a photographic memory bitch, I could add every one of your freckles perfectly to a sketch of your face if I wanted, I remember the Chinese guy saying ‘bug sweep clear’ all of 20 hours ago, god you’re retarded’

Or maybe he stops after ‘I remember’

Elle says that despite that, the UnSub knows them, and asks if Reid asks what Non Local Interaction is.

Before Reid can call her a fucking r-tard for asking stupid questions of his mighty brain, we cut to Morgan splashing water on his face to wake himself up.

Morgan, take off your shirt and splash water there too, you’ll feel better, I swear.

  Reid says he knows what Elle is getting at, how can USN be holding Trish prisoner but know everything as and when it happens at the house.

Reid says they swept the room for the listening devices Elle is sure is their but Elle reminds him, they then brought in their own equipment.

Reid looks back at the whole mess of equipment on the table behind him and frowns thoughtfully.

Personally I’d have freaked the hell out but, that’s just me.

We see Cheryl sitting in a sad, sparse little room as some one knocks on the door and Agent TotallyDidIt walks in.

He does this great little bit where he closes the door with a peek outside, then sighs and rolls his eyes, like, the EXACT thing you’d do if you’d been at a hectic party and finally found a quiet room.

He says its good to finally get her alone and we cut to Reid’s incredibly sexy arms prying open the phone and he and Gideon finding a microphone and transmitter hidden beneath.

Gideon grabs it and takes it to Papa saying that Agent TotallyDidIt called Papa by his first name, does he know him well?

Papa says he works out of New York and they meet socially on occasion, and Gideon asks if he’s been to the house, looking PISSED.

Papa’s like ‘a few times’ and Gideon slams the transmitter down and walks into the cut to Morgan’s cell phone ringing as we pan up his unconscious (and hot) body laying on the floor in the kitchen (Sidebar; his sleeves are still rolled up so we know Agent TotallyDidIt is wimp cos he took out Morgan when the boy was distracted, nice nod to continuity) Morgan’s finger twitches, but he’s out for the count.

I guess Gideon didn’t totally plan it then but still…

Cut to Agent TotallyDidIt asking a confused Cheryl if It pisses her off when people want to stand her and Trish together and look for differences. He pulls a knife and Cheryl FINALLY starts being freaked out as he walks together saying he’s loved them both for so long and known them for so long, they should be together.

I like the ambiguity of Morgan laying injured, we know this dude has a knife now, who’s to say he didn’t stab Morgan, huh?

He totally didn’t but still…

Any way as he slides up the bed and Cheryl begs him not to do this, Elle, sneaky like a FOX slips into the room and points her gun, ordering him to drop the knife.

Okay, if I was Cheryl, my I would roll to my left, her right as she faces me on screen, cos there’s a gap between the bed and the wall. As soon as I moved, Elle could shoot the shit out of the bad guy without hitting me since she’d be aiming higher. She wouldn’t have to kill him, just take him out yo!

But Cheryl is stupid so just sits there crying until Agent TotallyDidIt moves, turning towards Elle.

THEN Cheryl moves like I said, but like seriously, slow ass bitch gets Elle hurt.

Also, she’s fucking STANDING in the corner, like you wouldn’t be on the damn floor making yourself the smallest possible target!

 Agent TotallyDidIt is ranting that Elle doesn’t understand his relationship with the girls and Elle is like ‘What evs, drop the knife, drop it!’

 He wont, because he is insane, and there’s more nice acting when he sort of takes a resigned breath and you know he’s gonna do something. They scuffle, he knocks Elle’s gun away, smacks her, then leans in real close, allowing Elle to draw HIS gun and trip him.

We see that Cheryl’s finally had the incentive to duck, like GOD I wished she’d gotten shot for being so damn slow, and Elle asks if she’s okay, which she is. Don’t ask her Elle! Elle rules.

 She stands on his BALLS and asks where Patricia is and I love that, she’s got a gun pointed at his head and its his NUTS that she threatens him with.

She’s totally cold eyed which I think is unintentional foreshadowing and HEY!!!CHARACTER CONSISTENCY!!YAAAY! for what happens in season two!!Oh, good.

Any way, we cut to a factory looking joint as Trish, or, the blonde wig wearing double who’s probably Elle because this poor show has no budget because the Producers SUCK, playing Trish, is wheeled out on an ambulance, her sister at her side.

Gideon and Reid are looking on, happy to see the family reunited and we see them climb into the ambulance.

We see where the show’s budget of fifty bucks went as Trish’s seat is raised and Cheryl crouches next to her, both girls looking at their father.

It’s the only moment when we see the ‘twins’ side by side and it’s a nicely done effect, enough that I cant tell if me thinking there’s SOMETHING fake to it, being just the fact I know its one girl…

Papa looks gratefully at Gideon and as they move off, Reid asks how Elle got the location out of Agent TotallyDidIt.

Gideon sort of suspects but just says he’s sure Elle was just creative, and Reid goes to ask what Gideon thinks she did.

Gideon sweetly cuts him off and says he doesn’t need to ask so many questions, just enjoy the moment for what it is and they grin at each other.

We fade to some bloody band aids on a desk and then…good lord almighty, we pan up Morgan’s nekkid chest as he….does….something…Damn it!

He’s got the bottom of his shirt between his teeth and he’s twisting to put a band aid on two nasty wounds just on the side of his back.

The boy…is buff, and he’s wearing a short sleeved t that show off the bad ASS tatt’s he has on his upper arm. Also, he’s making these noises like.. ‘Ugh…agh’ and…um…right, so Elle walks over and exposits he was Tazered and that no one expects him to finish the report on the Davenport case tonight.

He’s like, yeah, well, it’s fresh in my mind so…

He says he’s lucky Agent TotallyDidIt didn’t just gut him while he was unconscious and Elle says Agent TDI wasn’t interested in Morgan.

Fool.

Morgan remarks that Agent TDI didn’t see Elle as a peer or a threat, and says that was his mistake.

Elle is all ‘hell yeah it was’ and Morgan grins beautifully at her.

Man he’s hot.

She sighs, all guilty and takes half his files to help him out and we fade out on the two of them at their desks.

Aaw.

Twins are still kind of freaky though.

Yaaaay Criminal Minds Episode FIVE!!! Broken Mirrors, draaaamaaaaa

We open on a house party, two of its attendees making their exits, their names unknown as yet but both actors are those ones you know from everything, ever, in the world, the male is Matt Newton, he’s played…every semi hot but forgettable extra/one episode angry teen kid in TV for the last…five years or so,, I personally most remember him from the AWESOME Skeet Ulrich vehicle ‘Miracles’ (recaps coming soon) playing the ghost/protective spirit twin to a kid who was born without a chin and was being beat up by his dad or something, alls I remember of the dude is that his bottom lip and his neck where the same thing…anyway, the girl is Elisabeth Harnois (that’s my favourite spelling of Elisabeth, the ‘S’ makes it for some reason)

Any way, Liz played Christina in the short lived and memorable-only-for-how-it-could-have-been-awesome-but-sucked-monkey-balls, Point Pleasant, the one about the daughter of the devil washing up on the shore of some out of the way little town called…you guessed it, Point Pleasant, and generally wreaking some havoc…I watched a few episodes…I remember is that Aaron Paul, one of my favourite ‘UnKnowns’ in Hollywood, who is also in EVERYTHING (Including CM, gothed up and FINE) was in a few episodes and his character had some back story with the non satanic lead character and her dead sister…anyway there was an episode with a dance off and Aaron and the non satanic dead sister having chick danced and he dipped her like, a freakin INCH off the floor, it was so hot…..

Ahem, right so until they get their character names, they’re Christina and Matt, Kay? So, Christina and Matt are coming out of the party and Christina seems soberer than Matt, who’s like, staggeringly drunk and he’s all cuddling her and telling her he loves her and she’s all ‘yeah, yeah enough already’ but affectionately.

So she’s all, gimme your keys and he wont so she makes him prove he’s sober enough to drive by touching his fingers to his nose and he touches HER fingers to his nose so she’s like, walk a straight line, and he does, all the way over to her whereupon he kisses her, so she’s like, yeah you can drive and he thanks her and she’s like ‘but no speeding!’and I have to say, they do a really nice job pf playing a couple in love without being either totally stiff or totally over the top, you could imagine them as like, friends off camera or something, their chemistry is nice, natural.

So they’re driving along (Totally speeding) and Matt, henceforth known as Jordan, cuz, that’s his name, is kissing Christina (ROAD SAFETY!) and she’s all ‘uh, road dude’ and he’s like, tell me you love me which…seems a little like blackmail to me ‘tell me you love me…or I crash the car and kill us both…’ but Christina doesn’t think so as she says ‘I do love you, now keep your eyes on the road’ and he’s still staring at her kind of…half loving half too drunk to turn his fool ass head.

Christina yells at him since she’s looking out of the window and has seen the car parked in the middle of the street but Jordan slams on the breaks and they stop just in time, both of them looking pretty shell shocked and Jordan looking like his buzz just died a death.

 We see the parked car is a pickup, a shiny looking one and its got no lights on or nothing. Seriously the first time I saw this ep I was like ‘dude, stay the fuck in the car and reverse up out of there’ but TV people cant hear me so they naturally get out, but not before Christina kind of gives Jordan a slightly dirty look after he asks if she’s okay.

 She is and he’s all ‘why are they just parked in the middle of the road?!’ and I’m all ‘why where you driving drunk, tool’ FRIENDS DON’T LET FRIENDS DRIVE DRUNK!!!!

Ahem. So they get out and both walk toward the pick up, Christina like ‘we’re doing this WHY?’ and Jordan all ‘if they broke down they should have pushed it over to the side of the road’ and I’m going ‘pity you don’t use that brain of yours when you’re DRUNK AND DRIVING A CAR!!’ like, I’m sorry but Jordan is a prick for driving drunk and Christina is a twit for letting him so I seriously hate them both, I’ve known too many people killed or hurt by drunk drivers(which is any) to even pretend I care about these two.

Any way, they get back in the car and Christina is visibly unsettled by the sight of the totally motionless vehicle which is admittedly creepy, and they realise the keys which Dickhead Mcgee left in the ignition, are missing. As they start to root around, we see a man in a white shirt and tie(you have to look hard to see it but its their…oh…Edward Norton in a vest, holding a gun….yum….PAY ATTENTION NADINE, sorry, Eddie boy is in that film with Bobby DeNiro and Brando where they’re all thieves and all you can think when you watch it, apart from, Why did you do Rocky and Bullwinkle Bobby? And Damn Norton is HOT, and Wow, look at Brando…that’s just sad…is, how in the hell didn’t the world explode when the cast list for this film was announced, like SERIOUSLY??)

Back on topic, a man with a white shirt wearing a tie, but we cant see his face at all, has stepped up to the car window and we hear the very familiar(and what a sad commentary on todays society THAT is) click of a gun being armed NOW…I could be wrong but the gun isn’t a revolver its an automatic which should mean you don’t actually need to cock it to arm it, in fact I remember reading…somewhere, that when they do in movies and TV, it really is just for effect…any way, there is a moment of some nice acting when Jordan, who is facing away from the gun, and Christina, henceforth called Trish, since that’s her name, look up at one another, Trish half looking past her doomed boyfriend to the gun. Jordan’s face goes from sort of confused to awfully sad and resigned, and theres like, love in his eyes for Trish cos he’s totally realised he’s not going to make it and all in all, really nice moment Matt Newton, bravo.

 While Trish just shakes, Jordan turns slowly to look at the barrel of the gun which is literally an inch from his face, that same sad look across his features. To his credit, he doesn’t even blink.

Cut to outside the car and we hear a gunshot and see the muzzle flash of the gun, but there’s only ONE SHOT as we fade to black.

Fade up to the BAU office and Reid and Morgan(hi guys!Call Me!) are walking down the corridor, Reid carrying like seriously twenty thick ass case folders.

Morgans enquiring after Reid and JJ’s redskins date and Reid’s like ‘top secret’ but…okay he says it with this sort of little smile like it was actually probably a good date but he isn’t gonna brag about it.

But then, the next bit kinda makes me go ‘huh?’ just cos, to cut a long story short, three hot female agents are all, eye making at Morgan, and he’s all yep, so, you know, in case we didn’t notice, Derek Morgan =Playah.

A female agent actually walks up to them from behind and when Reid turns to look at her, they both stop, she catches up, Reid watching her…then she passes his line of sight and he’s…staring at a spot on the wall behind her? I think the Goob checked out for a second there, heart.

Reid is watching all of this like ‘the hell?’ so like, did he have a good date or what??  and asks Morgan how he manages all the booty attention. Hmm….Matthew Grey Gubler has some nice arms on him….boy should wear t-shirts more often…anyway, Morgan’s all, strictly off limits, and Reids like ‘theres no rule that says you cant date other agents’ to which Morgan replies his own rules for survival say never mess with a woman who carries a gun…which…is ace because it sets up the fact that Morgan would totally love and leave every woman, ever, he’s a WHORE, and I love him and want to lick his face.

Any way they part company and Elle nearly knocks Reid the fuck on his ass as she barrels past which like, RUDE, the poor kids carrying eighty billion folders and she basically rugby tackles him!

Bitch.

Also, she has her hair done in that weird style some people do when they have their hair all one length so they pull part of the front back really flat so its like an really thick hair band on the very front of their head, and makes them look moon faced…also she looks like she has no neck…god I hate her today for some reason. Shut up Elle!

She walks into Hotch’s office, like, knocking once then walking in any way, RUDE, and he’s on the phone to The Wife who is apparently on bed rest and bitching about it, like, woman, I get that you’re up the duff and all bloaty and uncomfortable and bored but a) You’re not even really pregnant so shut up, and b) Shut up and quit bitching, do you have any idea how many people would LOVE to be MEDICALLY ADVISED to lay in bed all day?! Like…a lot, so…shut up.

Also, bed rest might suck for you, but what ever, you have HOTch as a husband, with his intense broodiness, your baby is gonna have Gideon as its sort of surrogate grandparent thing, and even though you’re supposed to be SO pregnant you need bed rest, you weigh like, 80 pounds. So SHUT UP.

God.

As Hotch hangs up Neckless Elle asks what’s up and Hotch explains the doctors are worried about The Wife’s (WE HAVE A NAME!!!HAILEY!!!What ever, she’s always going to be Andi to me) blood sugar levels…yeah, probably because she never eats because she weighs all of twenty pounds soaking wet, also Pre Eclampsia…i…don’t totally know what that is, and he’s worried she wont last in bed six weeks…which…why? I mean, I realise she was heavily pregnant when the series started but we haven’t had a single indication that she’s really super active or even has a job so would get antsy laying around all day…unless she’s a fitness freak which, given her -50 pound body weight WITH the baby, is probable.

Elle’s all ‘she wants out of the hospital’…um, DOY?

And Hotch is like, ‘yeah…doy…got ‘it’?’

Elle is like, yeah and they Pede-conferance out into the office where Reid and Morgan join them as they head to the Round Table room(I like that that was sort of set up from the beginning, that its called ‘the round table room’) talking about Trish, who it seems was kidnapped.

Seriously, Elle, you’re small and have little features, wear your hair up, you kind of stoop your head as it is, you have NO NECK!!!!Stand up straight, tie your hair up, but let some down at the front to frame your face, this homemade hair band is NOT pretty.

  We find out the team has until 8pm that night and we cut to the RTR where Reid is reading what must be the ransom note out loud.

The kidnapper says ‘You’ everything, ‘you will follow instructions, you will answer the phone’ etc and even I totally get he’s taking responsibility off himself and putting it on the parents/father.

 Hotch stresses they have nine hours to get to Connecticut, work up a victimology on Trish Davenport(Christina), and prepare her dad for the ransom drop.

Dude…you can totally do it, you know why? Cos you can fly a man from a PRISON in Kentucky to Florida, get him to and from both airports, get in contact with his lawyer and work up a binding legal contract in less than an hour WITH enough time for tense emotional standoffs. So, just chill, okay? You’ll be fine.

Gideon (Hi Gideon!Adopt Me!) asks how they know the letter is real and Hotch explains the handwriting is Trish’s, the letter was dictated to her, also there is saline on the paper in three droplets, Trish’s tears…how delightfully emo.

 Morgan points out the ‘You’ thing, and Hotch points out the kidnapper hasn’t mentioned police at all, as if he fully expects they’ll call the police any way. Gideon says ‘if he’s expecting us, lets not disappoint him’ and they walk into the credits.

I love Gideon.

Also, I just got the DVD Box Set of Kidnapped…so yeah, Coming soon =)

Quote of the Week is sponsored by Euripadies.

 We find out thanks to the Encyclopaedia Reidia that Papa Davenport (Evan) is a US Attorney, executive something or other…basically he’s kind of a player in government and has had death threats before. He has a round the clock protective detail but Trish declined her own bodyguards when she turned eighteen. Morgan says too bad for the boy friend which, dude I don’t think Trish expected her BF would be shot to death because of who her daddy is so…shut up.

Reid asks why they even killed Jordan. I say Karma for drunk driving but…that’s just me, so Morgan explains that if he wanted to kidnap some one he’d know to take out who ever was with them.

We find out the sort of…thing of the week, Trish has a sister, Cheryl and they are…Identical Twins!!!!!!

It’s Elisabeth playing the same roles btw so don’t get ya hopes up you filthy minded bunch.

Any way, the picture of the girls shows them in cheer leader out fits standing in the same position, sort of….back arched, hands on hips…apart from their different hair and the fact that one of em, with the pigtails has a sort of shy smile, the other, with the big hair, is obviously the self confidant one, they’re in the exact same position and could be mirror reflections.

One is the Elizabeth, one is the Jessica.

If you get that reference…well then you’re probably a girl.

Cut to the Davenport house where Evan Davenport is assuring Hotch and Gideon that all of his staff have been polygraphed or provided alibi’s for the night of the kidnapping.

He says he’s called Cheryl home.

He’s understandably a bit frantic and spent and says he just wants to be told his daughters okay.

Awesomely, Gideon looks past him to Reid and goes ‘Dr Reid? What do the statistics tell us?’

So much love…

Reid says if they follow instructions and give them the money, Trish will come home safe.

Papa D looks….slightly comforted by this so, go Reid.

A random tech announces the house ‘Bug Free’ and I for some reason, (or maybe given its an episode starring a blonde girl who has formally played in a supernatural themed show….) I think of the bit in Poltergeist where the dwarf says in the Lisa Simpson voice ‘This House…is Clear’

 Any way, some in charge looking dude tells his other techs to bring it in, It being the FBI phone bugging, call tracing etc equipment they use for kidnappings.

The techs do.

Papa-D asks for theories about the kidnapper from Gideon who says the kidnapper targeted Papa-D for a reason…uh…his daughter?

He says that Kidnapper blames Papa-D for some reason, thinks he doesn’t deserve what he has.

Hotch adds that he’s probably working alone too.

They sort of pointlessly use the Behavioural Special Effects Screen here.

Any way, cut to the TWIN, Cheryl, laying on her back on the patch of road where Trish was taken.

 We see her secret service detail are looking at her like, ‘for the love of…’ and I cant help but notice that her female SS agent has her shirt unbuttoned to like, her navel, like dude, work place??

Any way, Morgan and Elle pull up and Morgan asks the SS agents who I shall name…Kevin(as in Costner) and Tits Mcgee what Cheryl is doing.

Kevin, the ‘brains’ of the pair is like ‘lying on the ground…duh’ and Morgan’s like ‘yeah, I can see dick weed, why?’

 Tits says she’s trying to get a feel for what happened to her sister and Morgan’s like, by lying on the ground.

For no other reason than let us know the girls are slightly rebellious, Tits says Cheryl spent her teens learning how to ditch her bodyguards, so they’re just happy they can see her.

Elle and Morgan approach, calling out to Cheryl(I will resist the urge to call her Chezza after my old drama teacher Sheryl whom we used to call Shezza) but she shushes them irritably.

She says she’s not crazy, that she’s there for a reason.

We go back to the close up on her face and she gets a sort of…smelled a fart look, standing up and walking forward.

She’s looking at the ground and says ‘he’ dragged Trish from the car, and that Trish fell, that she’s a fighter even with a gun pointed at her.

Elle says she’s right, that there where nail marks in the car seat, and Cheryl says Trish is still alive. Elle asks if Cheryl knows the way twins ‘know’

Cheryl rolls her eyes and pissily says ‘not that, I can feel my twins pain crap, if you stick her with a needle I don’t cry out, but if some things wrong, if some things bothering her I can feel it…even from a thousand miles away at college’

So…yes then?

 Elle asks if she studies physics and Cheryls like, yes but I don’t believe in something non scientific, I just feel what I feel and I feel like Trish is still alive.

Ugh, shut up bitch face, these people are here to help, plus they totally think Trish is still alive too you twit or they wouldn’t be here.

 Elle and Morgan exchange Significant Looks.

Cut back to Casa de Davenport where Papa-D is explaining the girls aren’t totally identical, they’re what’s known as Mirror Twins, apparently some of Trish’s organs that should be on the right side are on the left…actually I was going to mention before that even though one actress plays both girls, they do a really good job of making them look different enough that its believable that they’re identical but not totally so, like not just personality but little physical things here and there.

Papa-D has a book which explains the whole thing which is really sweet, that he’d have gone out and found a book that explained something that could potentially be problematic for his kids, that’s so ‘Dadly’and realistic, aaw.

Reid knows its called Setus Inversus.

Papa-D says doctors said it wasn’t life threatening but again, he has the book and the page is marked so he’s obviously adorably read up on it which, again, aaw.

We find out both girls have had self defence training at dads insistence which… bad ass, Ninja Twins with super secret psychic powers!!!!

Heheee, Papa-D is explaining that the girls got antsy about having body guards when they hit puberty and he was sure that….but he trails off cos he’s watching Reid read the book on genetic abnormalities, but when I say read, I mean Reid Read which is scanning each page for a few seconds…because Reid is awesome.

Papa-D literally goes ‘I was sure they’d reject their body…guard, Can you ACTUALLY read that fast?!’

Reid looks up and goes ‘Our conscious mind can process 16 bits of information a second but out unconscious mind can process 11 million’ off Papa-D’s blank look ‘Yes I…can actually read this fast’ hee!!

Papa-D goes on to say that basically he thinks the kidnapper is some one he’s…what ever his job is, prosecuted, but when Gideon asks him why he says that while he has money he’s not rich so it cant be about the ransom.

Gideon says every case is different.

Uh…ok.

Cut to Morgan playing I Am The Unsub while Elle and Cheryl look on. Elle explains what he’s doing and Cheryl is all bitchy again ‘that’s not very scientific is it’

Uh, no one actually expressed doubt in what you where doing, I mean even Elle’s sort of dubiously asked ‘like twins ‘know’’ wasn’t totally disbelieving, if anything it just seemed like genuine curiosity, so again, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

 I’ve said before but I’ll say again, I love how each characters way of getting into the killers mind matches their own personality; Morgan’s quite a physical character, he physically role plays as the unsub.

Any way, he deduces that the Kidnapper would have known that Trish was always with Jordan, so Jordan was just collateral damage, his killing was just something to be done to get to Trish.

Sorry Jordan.

But then, Morgan re-thinks it. He says Jordan was shot in the face, which is personal, so maybe it wasn’t collateral, maybe he was making a point of getting Trish alone.

As he says this he turns and looks at a Cheryl who looks totally unnerved by the hot ass black dude throwing intense stares in her direction.

Personally I would have been like ‘me and you alone agent Morgan? Okay, what ever you think is needed’ but then my twin hasn’t been kidnapped.

Which ones the evil one? Cos usually it’s the one who’s a bit more rebellious, but I think the innocent one could be like the dark horse…hmmm

Cut to the house where Reid is explaining the phone system to Papa-D, basically theres a button that can put the call on one sided hold so they can hear the kidnapper but he cant hear them, so the fibbie’s can offer advice and what not.

  Papa-D just looks stressed, But Official Guy from before is all ‘you’re in good hands with Gideon and his team’

I cant remember who did it…but that guy totally did it.

Elle and Morgan are in the kitchen as Reid and his nice arms walk in, Elle saying Morgan thinks Cheryl’s a nut cos she claims to feel her sisters anxiety.

I call bullshit, me and my sister have two years between us, my oldest brother and me three and a half, and my two younger brothers are four and ten years younger than me respectively, but I can sometimes get a vibe if something is up with them, even if I’m miles away.

Any way, Reid explains that there is a physiological basis for ‘The Twin Thing’ that….monozygotic eggs, Identical Twins, split relatively late so their DNA matches down to the last strand, there are reports of sporadic incidents of shared pain etc.

Morgan is all ‘so you believe it’ and Reid says he’s just saying its possible.

 Reid says he doesn’t know everything even though Morgan always says he does.

Morgan gets huffy and goes ‘I never said that, when have I said that?’

Reid; ‘Every day since I met you’

Elle: ‘This morning at breakfast’

Hotch: ‘Yesterday when he beat you at cards’

Heheee

Morgan is all huffy and Hotch says they have one minute until the kidnapper calls and Morgan bull shits he was being sarcastic all those times.

Back in the den, Gideon reminds Papa-D to be cool, calm, collected.

Papa-D is a big ball of nerves as the clock dings 8pm and the phone doesn’t ring.

He gets a little antsy but Hotch explains it’s a tactic to keep him on edge since the kidnapper wants him that way.

The phone starts to ring and every one dons ear phones, Reid sitting in front of a laptop shrugs his shoulders as he prepares to type.

Gideon again reminds Papa-D to keep Kidnapper talking, try to get him to reveal something about himself or Trish.

 Papa-D answers and the Very Well Spoken Kidnapper shoots down his attempt to ask questions and says he’s just their to give instructions, but he wont talk to Papa, he wants to talk to Cheryl.

 They immediately(after a fade out that would be a commercial break if this where on TV) put him on hold and say the Kidnappers trying to establish dominance and that they cant keep him on hold for long, nor can they put Cheryl on the line.

 Cheryl, naturally, is all ‘er, why the hell not, if it helps?!’

Morgan points out the weirdness of this, that Cheryl doesn’t have any power (over ransom money, any demands etc) so the kidnapper shouldn’t want to speak with her.

Elle thinks they should let Cheryl talk and the on hold Kidnapper is all ‘Put Cheryl on the phone’ but Gideon just quietly says no.

There’s a cool shot from just to the side of Gideon as Elle says to him again, that Cheryl should be allowed to talk. Reid is staring right at Gideon and nodding, either totally agreeing with Gideon or agreeing with Elle, either way its just a neat little shot cos of how Reid is looking at Gideon, like any choice he makes Reid’ll do.

 Gideon again says no and calls Elle over to impersonate Cheryl.

She does a…passable job, I mean on the phone it might not be immediately obvious but the kidnapper doesn’t buy it, he says he has Trish at his side and knows her voice so he knows Cheryl’s.

 He says if they don’t put Cheryl on the phone he’ll hang up an he and Trish will disappear so they’ve got sixty seconds.

Gideon immediately hits hold again and barks ‘prep work’ motioning Cheryl over.

 Elle explains the dude is arrogant so let him lead the conversation, but say Trish’s name a lot (to remind him she’s a person, create sympathy…I shouldn’t know these…ah well)

All the while, Kidnapper is counting down and Cheryl looks FREAKED but she’s nodding. Elle tells her to empathise with Kidnapper, let him know he can fix it, he can show he’s a good guy by letting Trish go.

She assures Cheryl she’ll tell her what to say.

Cheryl gets on the phone and Kidnapper sounds creepily relieved and asks how she is.

Cheryl is right off the bat ‘I’d be better if I knew my sister Trish was okay’

The kidnapper says he can tell she has a lot of empathy and seriously when I first watched this ep I went, ‘did he hear them?’

 We see Elle and Hotch looking a teeny bit ‘wait a minute’ as Cheryl agrees, yes, she has a lot of empathy, and she can tell the Kidnapper understands.

He says ‘you mean I empathise?’ but like, with…emphasis…heh…on  the word and she’s like, yes, you do.

Reid is typing ‘why empathy, what does he need?’ as the Kidnapper goes on ‘I empathise with you Cheryl, I know you want to be with your sister’

Elle has written on a pad ‘I want Trish Back’ so Cheryl says it and Kidnapper is all ‘I want to know what you want, I want to know all about you, what’s your favourite colour’

Elle hits hold and says don’t answer, stay with Trish so Cheryl says she’ll answer if she can speak with Cheryl.

Kidnappers like, yeah…no, so she relents and tells him she likes blue. He says its ordinary and asks if she likes chocolate.

She has a look on her face like ‘the hell?!’ and Kidnapper repeats the question and seriously, the words ‘Do you like Chocolate?’ have never sounded so creepy.

Gideon looks thoughtful as Cheryl says she does and the kidnapper says he does too.

Cheryl asks if she can talk to her sister and there’s silence while every one looks pensive and the music is all tense and there’s a loud clock ticking in the back ground.

 Cheryl says please again and there’s the sound of a door creaking open (Kidnapper TOTALLY lied) and Cheryl looks frantic as she asks if her sister is there.

Trish, or the pre recorded track or different actress playing Trish’s voice, comes on the line sounding drugged and Cheryl is like, are you okay, where are you, what do you see?! Like straight away, which, clever girl.

Trish is like ‘I cant...’ and goes ‘I see the moon’ and the creak comes again so we know she’s gone.

Cheryl is yelling for her sister as Kidnapper says $500 000 dollars is what I’m owed, wait by the phone you’ll get a call in exactly fifteen minutes with instructions’ and hangs up.

 Cheryl balks and runs out, probably to puke and her dad chases her, leaving the team to discuss.

Reid says they didn’t get a trace and the Kidnapper is probably on a disposable mobile phone, which are untraceable.

 They say she said she could see the moon but she sounded drugged and delirious, but that if she is it might mean the killer is weak and has to drug her to dominate her.

 Gideon says they should re-check all household staff and Hotch agrees, and Morgan gravely points out that Trish wasn’t blindfolded, which means she’s seen the guys face, so once he gets the money, he’ll kill her.

Gideon gets Beautiful Minds over the evidence again and declares them ready for a profile and to draw the killer out.

Cut to the cops gathered around as Gideon starts us off. The killer used tape, wire, he didn’t leave them at the scene, he brought them with him when he left. He has a kind of ‘Killing Kit’ he carries around with him. Lovely.

While he’s explaining the Crime Screen(™ Me, previously named the Behavioural Special Effects) crops up behind him and we see the back of the killer, in what we can guess is Brenda’s room. He’s standing in the same way the photographer did, blocking most of her body with his so all we can see are her feebly kicking bare legs.

What ever actress they hired to play this body has the youngest looking legs and feet, seriously they could belong to a tall ten year old, which makes that scene all the more un nerving as the killer unloads his tape and wire from his bag.

Hotch puts in, this killer is organised so probably has a job, a vehicle that, like his home will be obsessively clean, and may be work related. Since his attacks occur during the day I guess we can surmise further that he probably has a job where he can get around un-noticed.

Morgan says the killer probably watches the houses and learns the rhythms of the home so he knows when best to attack and Hotch tells them they’re not gonna catch him accidentally…although they totally do, don’t they? I cant remember how this episode ends.

Any way Gideon explains how the Killer smashes the victims belongings and is envious of their riches. Reid builds on this by explaining how in the ballad there’s a moment when the Lady offers Death a bribe in exchange for life and Death rejects her offer, telling her that in death, the rich and poor are the same.

Hotch states that Killer is likely middle class, since he blends in to the neighbourhood, whereas a poor person would stand out.

ChocoLove asks why the eyes are glued open and Elle explains, the UnSub is an exploitative rapist, that having the victim watch him is as much a thrill for him as the act itself.

Hotch explains that the killers behaviour shows that while in control at the crime scene the Killer definitely feels inadequate in other areas of life. Gideon adds to this that the victims represent that which is controlling Killer and he wants that control back, this means he’s under the thumb of an overbearing woman who terrifies him.

He stresses that the Tommy Killer is white.

ColumbNot gets his prick on again as he stresses that the witness described the attacker as black.

Gideon says yes this attacker is black, but that attacker was not ‘Tommy’

Hotch points out the Mr Gordon came home when he normally does and Tommy would have known that.

Elle and Gideon double team it, explaining that Mrs Gordon’s attacker wore a ski mask. Tommy, when he enters a house, knows the victim isn’t coming out alive so why would he hide his face?

Morgan adds that the killer wants the victims to see him any way.

We find out, grossly, that the older a rape victim, the younger the rapist(ew, ew ew) and since Mrs Gordon is sixty her Rapist would be about 20, Tommy is too organised and sophisticated to be so young. Elle says Mrs Gordon mentioned a young man who delivers groceries to her home who fits enough of what they’ve said to be her attacker but not Tommy.

ColumbNot is, again, pissy and doubtful saying they have nothing on Tommy so and Hotch asks if he can see him alone for a second.

I think he’s gonna bawl ColumbNot out which would be awesome but Hotch just asks tells him they’re gonna have Garcia tap the phone lines of the tip line, so that when they arrest Mrs Gordon’s attacker and say on the news that they think he’s the Tommy Killer, the real killer’s gonna be livid and call up himself to correct them.

Cut to a young black man in the…back of a store, the shipping and receiving bit of supermarkets and Elle and Morgan arrest him.

Cut to JJ at a press conference being all cool in front of the cameras and saying they’ve arrested a man in connection with the Tommy Killings as Elle and Morgan noisily pull up in a police car and drag YBM (young black man) out of the car, past all the reporters, while they yell questions like ‘are you the Tommy Killer’ and such.

JJ just carries on making her statement without hesitation which I love.

Inside the station, Elle is saying YBM confessed to attacking Mrs Gordon before they even got him in the car and Hotch asks JJ if the press got good coverage of YBM.

JJ says they couldn’t miss him and it should be on the eleven o’clock news, so now all the team has to do is wait for Tommy to call them.

I…think I said before about, I’m not so sure how much I buy into the control the profilers can have over the UnSub’s, I mean they often say the UnSub’s highly intelligent but they can play them like a fiddle once they get a good enough idea of what they’re dealing with but…doesn’t the UnSub ever think ‘hang on, this clearly a trap to draw me out, I’m not going to do the thing they so obviously need me to do’?

 Hmmm.

JJ calls Garcia to make sure she’s ready and Garcia assures JJ that with all the technology she has in the office she’ll need no more than fifteen seconds.

Cut to some dude whose face is obscured by a shadow watching the news report from earlier and getting so angry that he crushes the can he’s holding …I’d be more impressed if the can was closed. I’m just sayin.

A woman yells ‘turn the damn TV down!’ and he balks and does so like the little bitch he is.

Meanwhile back at the station, The Gang, and the cops are all sat around looking stressed and bored and like they don’t have any thing to do and we see JJ on the phone telling Garcia they’ve not heard anything yet, Morgan huffily putting the phone down and Elle and Reid sitting at a desk, Reid fiddling with like a three quarters completed rubix cube (SO awesome)

He asks her if she thinks its weird that he knows about the Ballad and she says she doesn’t know how he knows what he does…but she’s glad of it.

Reid asks if she thinks its why he cant get a date and she just looks at him and says ‘have you ever asked anyone out?’ and he, its so cute, he blinks and frowns and goes ‘no?’ like he doesn’t quite see how that’s important but knows it is.

And Elle is like ‘that’s why you cant get a date’ and I love her and love how she and Morgan are so similar but so different.

Meanwhile, ChocoLove picks up a phone and stands up and waves everyone to attention, so JJ gets Garcia to trace line six while ChocoLove puts the phone on speaker.

The teams listens while Tommy rants into the phone calling them incompetent, saying he’ll show them tomorrow and while he’s killing ‘her’ he’ll be thinking of them.

About ten jokes about how, maybe if he didn’t think about teams of hot crime fighting men while he had sex, he wouldn’t need to rape women to get his jollies and dismiss them all cos they’re in bad taste as Tommy rants some more about being Death, then hangs up.

JJ asks after the trace and Garcia, shocked, tells them she got nothing, there was time for the trace to take but it didn’t get any where. She asks for some time to work on it and we go back to the office for the teams reactions and I spy Reid’s Rubix cube on the desk. It is now completed.
I love Reid so much my head aches.

We break for what would be commercials and come back to see the Killers eye view of a pretty blonde woman coming out of her house to retrieve her early morning paper.

Killer is tapping his thumbs on the steering wheel in way that sounds eerily like ‘tick-tock’ as we cut to the police office and ColumbNot is expositing they’ve got undercover cars all over the neighbourhood and everyone’s keeping an eye out for a work truck or car in pristine condition. Every one heads out and Hotch assures a visibly unsettled Gideon that they will get him.

I like how no ones said that Gideon’s obviously taking this case hard, they’re just accepting it and moving on, also how its not this big THING that he’s having a day of it, he just is cos it’s a nasty case.

Any way we get a nice single shot of the neighbourhood where we get an idea of how many work trucks come through here fairly regularly, gardeners, watermen, the postman even, and we see we’re at Brenda’s house.

Gideon and Elle are sitting watching the house and Gideon remarks it’s the last placed Tommy watched.

Elle says the family is yet to move back in and Gideon says they probably never will, then gets frowns and sighs ‘it’s the eyes’

Elle is like ‘pardon?’ and he explains something isn’t right about the eyes.

Elle is like ‘well…yeah’ and Gideon says that its normal for an exploitative rapist to make the victim watch but that in this instance, they’re missing something.

The fact that the victims where raped from behind? Or at least found on their front rather than on their back.

Cut to Morgan and Reid looking stressed out as Morgan tells us that its already ten thirty.

Reid points out that Tommy didn’t specify morning but Morgan reminds him Tommy needs to spend a lot of time in the house, so he has to attack in the morning.

Reid asks if they’re definitely in a good spot and Morgan says three attacks happened nearby and it’s the main artery through the neighbourhood.

Reid says that three attacks could mean the killer is done with the area and Morgan counters it could mean he’s just familiar with hit. He compares it to looking for a needle in a haystack and Reid correctly corrects him that actually its more like looking for a needle in a pile of needles since a needle in a haystack would stand out and they’re looking for some one who blends in. So they’re looking for a particular needle in a pile of needles.

Morgan sort of chuckles in agreement as Reid pulls out some binoculars in a way that I think is supposed to be geeky and funny but that kinda…always annoys me a little when I see it, cos it’s a little too…goofball, slapstick comedy for the situation, for me any way.

Pacey music is playing to remind us there’s a time limit and we see Hotch looking alert in his own car.

Cut back to Gideon and Elle as a police officer cruises by to ask what they’re up to. He leaves when they flash brass and Gideon notes that ColumbNot doubled then redoubled the police patrols in the neighbourhood after the fourth, fifth and six attacks but the killer still gets around without being seen.

We hear a bird singing and see Gideon spot what I guess is the same bird from the opening, sitting on a telephone wire(you see what I mean earlier??)

Elle asks if it’s an Oriole which I guess is a bird? And Gideon glances at it and declares it a Black headed Grosbeak(pronounced Gross) with out even thinking.

His knowledge and love of birds is a theme they keep constant in the show so, yay.

Elle is all ‘Gross Beak?’ as a second bird joins the first and Gideon says it too is a Grosbeak, a female. The boy bird is bright red and the girl dingy brown and Gideon quotes Orson Welles talking about how boy birds are prettier than girl birds cos boys have to justify their existence.

Gideon says they spend all their time screaming ‘look at me, look at me, mommy, mommy, look at me’ in what I can only call a DeNiro-esque way as Elle gets a call.

Gideon looks back and the birds and repeats ‘Look at me’ in a thoughtful whisper as Elle gets off the phone and says Garcia couldn’t get a trace off the call cos it was routed through 25 different substations.

Gideon repeats this too and jumps out of the car, heading back into the house. He states that he wanted the victims to see him and Elle is like ‘tell me something I don’t know’

In Brenda’s bedroom Gideon says that the scene is about domination, his creation, that he vacuumed, that everything was how he wanted it, where he wanted it.

Elle is again like ‘…yeah?’

 Gideon climbs up on the bed and lays face down and says ‘if the eyes are about them seeing the attack, why are they facing away from it?’ he says that face down, they couldn’t see him during, Tommy wanted them to see him after.

Elle leans over so she can see what Gideon, and Brenda see and spots a great big telephone pole right outside the window.

Elle calls Garcia and asks her to check the local phone line carrier and see if any of the victims had phone repairs prior to their deaths.

Garcia gets on it as Gideon calls Hotch and tells him it’s a phone tech.

Hotch is right on board as Gideon points out the dude would be up a pole not waking around so people wouldn’t be looking at him. Hotch adds he’d be able to see the family leave, watch for cops, when the neighbourhood was quiet as Gideon takes it up, the dude could wander through back yards and say he was looking for a telephone pole, he’d have tape and wire on him at all times cos hello, repairman.

Hotch says it sounds right and Gideon announces it is right and says they have a name.

Fade out and back in and we see the lady from before, who was getting her paper, feeding her baby son in the kitchen.

As we watch her for a sec, we see her back door is wide open and…okay…I know these people live in a warm climate, that its comfortable to have doors and windows open, normal for them…but seriously? If you lived in a neighbourhood where SIX women had been raped and killed in their own homes, where police where crawling the streets, where there HAD to have been some kind of safety announcement saying ‘lock your doors’ wouldn’t you like…LOCK YOUR FUCKING DOORS?! I realise it might make it hot but dudes, Air Conditioning, and also, wouldn’t you rather be a bit sweaty and irritable as oppose to like, dead?

But what ever, another extraordinarily creepy shot happens. The woman turns away from her baby to go and get him some juice from the fridge, baby talking to him the whole time. We stay on her getting him the juice and hear the kid babily saying ‘mommy!’ all cute like and she’s cooing back at him, oblivious. She closes the fridge and turns around and we cut across the kitchen and are looking over the shoulder of a man standing over the baby.

The woman looks horrified and we see her view, a black gloved hand holding a food filled spoon out for the baby as he takes a big adorable mouthful.

Its so insanely creepy and wrong and horrific and just, ugh.

We see the woman look horrified and terrified as we cut to Morgan and Reid pulling up at the phone…place.

They run inside and yell at the guy they find to tell them where Franklin some one is.

We see that damned black gloved hand taking the tape and wire and glue out of his bag as we hear but don’t see the woman begging him, saying she has a baby and please don’t hurt her.

He’s saying over and over in a calm voice ‘cooperate, and you’ll be alright’

There’s a moment when the soundtrack spikes and there’s like a ..flash almost, on screen and the woman is going ‘okay, okay’ so I guess we’re supposed to think he hurt her or she struggled or something. Nonetheless, creepy, creepy.

Elle and Gideon in the car, Elle saying Franklin is on calls in Orange and Chandler so Gideon flips a totally illegal U-ey and tells her to call Hotch and get there with teams.

They come upon the truck and Hotch arrives and they spread out to find Franklin, looking at the telephone poles.

Gideon is walking up a back street staring at telephone poles and notices the fence door of one of the houses is open. As he leans in he hears a baby shrieking for attention and crying out ‘mama!!’ and…

I love this show y’all, I do. But think about this for a second; some parent in America wants to leech money off their kid so badly, that they’ll let him get that hysterical and wont tend to him or tell the director that no the kid doesn’t need to be so wound up.

I hope to GOD that that only took one take cos fucking hell.

Any way, Gideon is walking through the garden and sees a work mans belt on the counter so draws his gun and edges into the house.

The kid is now screaming ‘let me out, let me out!’ and I wonder how old he actually is but that’s not the point cos my heart is breaking with the need to tend to the poor little mite. Fucking  stage parents are sadistic bastards.

There’s a heart breaking moment where we get like a Gideon’s POV that comes around the back of the baby’s high chair and he turns and looks into the camera, or at Gideon, and just starts screaming even louder and more hysterically and seriously!! My heart is dying here, the poor fucking kid!!!

Gideon, keeping his gun pointed away from the kid is edging around the kitchen and clocks what direction Franklin has gone in.

As he fishes his cell out of his pocket, he leans down and kisses the kid on the forehead and I fall even more in love with him that he’d offer even such a small comfort to the poor little bug, and I’ll be damned if it doesn’t help, the kid doesn’t cool down completely but he does sort of, pause and take a breath.

His parents had better spoil him ROTTEN.

Gideon stays near the kid, sort of leaning next to him(heart) as he calls Hotch and tells him which house the hangs up and carries on through the house.

He sees some one moving upstairs so heads up, quiet as a church mouse. We here Franklin ranting about how no one sees him and Gideon steps on a creaky floor board.

Franklin goes quiet as Gideon pulls all manner of ‘oh shit’ faces and then obviously decides ‘fuck it’ and heads into the room.

Franklin has the woman tied and gagged, face down on the bed with a gun trained on the back of her head.

He says he’ll shoot and Gideon, cool as ice people, as always, goes ‘No you wont Franklin. If you hurt her I’ll kill you and just say we caught a low life burglar, say you didn’t turn out to be Tommy after all’

I love that, hurt, not kill, hurt, If you hurt her…Gideon’s a total bad ass.

He says Tommy will remain ‘un-caught’ as he edges forwards and says people will forget about him. He says every five or ten years they’ll do a TV show and ask what ever happened to that Tommy guy, why’d he disappear. Again, Mandy is rocking this scene, as always, mixing that icy cool and charisma and just, love it.

He says eventually people will just stop talking about ‘Tommy’ and Franklin/Tommy looks phased, blinking and losing his steely resolve.

Is…is Franklin, Jesse off Diagnosis Murder? Older with shaved hair and a fuzzy beard?

I…really cant tell but from the sounds of his voice he might be. Either way he’s doing a cracking job of being insanely insane here. And...did i just admit to watching Diagnosis Murder...yes i did.

Gideon says if he lets the woman go, he, Gideon, will make sure everyone knows who Tommy is, he’ll have his face on every paper, News show, everything in the world. Bundy and Dahmer levels of fame.

Franklin twitches a smile at this and gets teary eyed as Gideon continues that he has a media specialist down stairs right now.

Franklin, verge of tears, asks ‘Promise?’

 And Gideon, with a sincere nod says ‘yes sir I promise’

There’s a stare out when it looks like it could go either way then Franklin drops the gun and Gideon calmly tells him to back away.

He does, lacing his fingers behind his head, looking very young and scared,(again, amazing acting folks)

Hotch and Elle have arrived and Hotch walks forwards, cuffing Franklin who stares at Gideon until he’s led out of the room while Gideon and Elle start to un-tape the hysterical woman who immediately asks after her baby.

Elle assures her the kid is fine and I scoff out loud thinking, not if he gets sent home with anyone other than Mandy, especially not his evil fucking parents.

Gideon is looking her dead in the eye and telling her she’s fine, then glances out of the window to see a telephone pole and another CGI bird flittling around.

We fade to the BAU Jet as Gideon VO’ Quotes Rose Kennedy about birds after storms.

JJ and Hotch are reading paper work, Elle and Morgan are sleeping and Reid and Gideon are playing chess (almost mirroring one another physically, I feel the need to add)

Gideon starts and gives Reid a wrapped present he forgot to give him at the party and Reid opens it to see a pair of tickets in the box.

He says ‘Red Skins’ as two separate words and acts like he’s made up and Gideon, cool as a cucumber is like ‘you ever been to a pro-football game?’

Reid, sort of relieved admits he didn’t even know it was football and Gideon assures him he’ll love it.

Reid is like ‘We will, you’re coming with, non?’ and Gideon just goes ‘No’

Reid looks confused until Gideon tells him some one else on the plane is a huge redskins fan and Reid asks who.

‘The only person in the world who calls you Spence’ Gideon says like the sly fox he is who totally just bought those tickets like, today.

Reid is like ‘JJ?’ and Gideons all ‘oh yeah’

Reid asks what should he say and Gideon just looks at him so Reid stands and goes to leave, pausing only to checkmate Gideon.

Gideon stares at the board with a ‘Oh no he di’unt’ look for a sec then breaks into a chuckle(love, love, love the dynamic here!!!aaaargh!!!)

Reid sits down opposite JJ and broaches conversation with her awkwardly while she looks at him like ‘huh?’ but sweetly, like she gets he’s tryna ask her out and just isn’t very good at it, which I love.

Reid shoots Gideon a nod and Gideon just smiles and we fade to black….

The End.

Number Four!!!

And we’re in San Diego California it seems as some funky music plays and the camera slowly follows a totally CGI bird of some sort over the neat little suburbs of…Whereeversville USA.

Oh! Total spoiler but what ever as the BIRD flies past some TELEPHONE POLES,(Nice moment director of the ep or who ever put that moment in)

So anyway establishing shot of a nice, big house and we close in on the open window as the music fades from soundtrack to actually playing from some ones radio as we track across a plushly decorated bedroom and come to rest on a woman bopping along to the music as she does her morning work out in time with the fitness show on her TV.

She’s generally loving herself and is awesome and I covet her drive to actually exercise if nothing else.

Oh…oh so creepy, we cut to down stairs and see that some prat in the house has left a window open, one that’s at like, waist level, and a black gloved hand slams onto the sill as Intruder pulls himself into the house and I feel like I’m going to be sick at the thought of home invasions.

 We get an Intruder POV as he walks through the woman’s lovely kitchen and we see she has no less than THREE coffee makers…like dude…who needs that much coffee? One I think is a cappuccino machine, one may be a fancy looking electric kettle but the point is they have a lot of stuff.

We see the tap is still half running and one of many creepy little moments in this ep, the black gloved hand reaches out to turn the tap off.

It’s Intruders POV as we see this family is NOT poor, they’ve got crystal wine flutes and fine china, silver cutlery, we see the woman upstairs has a husband and two refreshingly normal looking kids in a family photo.

Intruder heads up the (gorgeous) stair case and straight for the lady’s room, turning the knob silently as I start to hyperventilate.

We’re inside with the woman as the door opens and she turns around and stops dead, her face a mask of disbelief.

I actually have a seriously distressing moment here because while the outcome was mercifully different, that moment is very similar to what happened to me and I want to reach into my computer and grab the woman and save her.

The black gloved hand snaps out from behind the camera and grabs her as we fade to black and I go and check my door and window are locked, make sure I have my keys in plain sight, debate getting my big knife from the kitchen and generally have flashbacks to that fucking break in and remind my self that we came out unscathed and safe.

This all happened in broad daylight, bright morning light with that funky music playing along the whole time. Fantastically creepy opening that didn’t need a single cliché (darkness, bad weather, weird noises) to make it creepy.

In fact the normalcy of the scene preceding Intruder’s entrance, makes it so much creepier.

Any way, we come back and see all the coffee makers, crystal, and silver, have been smashed on the woman’s bedroom floor and have been tagged with those Crime Scene number things.

Cops are milling around and well put together shot pans up across the bed showing us the womans’ bare legs(she was wearing full length leggings earlier) and since we’re looking at her calves we realise she’s face down.
Poor thing.

Any way an investigator dude is standing in such a way that all we can see are her legs below the knee with the guy and a mirror blocking the rest from view.

The mirror has something written on it in lipstick and a world weary looking guy we’ll call ColumbNot thanks to his nifty (and since they’re in California, totally unnecessary) beige over coat.

He orders the photographer to get lots of shots of our victims face and we cut to a shot of the very face in question. She looks…terrified, not just her wide open eyes but the set of her mouth…beautiful acting from what’s essentially a day player. As the camera flash lights up her face we see blood ringing one eye but the flash fades us to white which morphs into the candles on Spencer Reid’s birthday cake as the title card tells us we’re back in the BAU office.

JJ, Elle and Morgan are gathered around a cake shaped hat wearing Reid, while the older men, Hotch and Gideon, are in the back ground watching the proceedings.

Nice blocking to give an idea of how the characters view one another and themselves, especially in Hotch and Gideon, I mean you really cant picture them cheering around a cake unless its for like their own young child, plus they’re the two superior agents of the team so might feel it inappropriate for them to participate in…silliness.

Elle, JJ and Morgan however, are younger and clearly way looser and free-er in their attitudes, hence, cake proximity.

Oh also Morgan’s pranked Reid with ‘never go out’ candles and the young genius(who I guess didn’t get made into some big black guys bitch last week in prison…or at least not permanently) is trying to blow them out even as JJ explains he never will, calling him ‘Spence’ as she does.

Morgan teases Reid that ‘mommy’ came to the rescue and there is what might be a foreshadowing moment when Reid goes ‘Mommy?’ in a…not a telling tone, just like he’s not totally getting Morgan’s teasing, but given what we learn of Reid’s mum at the end of the series, I cant help but wonder…

Any whoodle we cut to Hotch and Gideon and Hotch kindly gives Reid an age by remarking how smart he is when he’s only just 24.

In the back ground Morgan asks if this birthday makes him legal yet and I giggle that Morgan doesn’t know how old Reid is as Gideon, smiling with genuine affection as he watches Reid states ‘imagine what he’ll know by fifty’ and I go ‘aaaw’ and fall in love with Gideon, again, some more.

Cut to Elle, JJ and Morgan all crowding around Reid to get some cake and Reid looking really freaked out by how close they are to him, which is a nice nod to the autism thing they set up in a few episodes time which, people can argue back and forth if he is or isn’t at least a little Aspergers-y, but guys, they say it ON THE SHOW, so…shut the fuck up, basically.

Any way Hotch gets called away to take a phone call and Reid comes over to Gideon who is watching a news report on the TV about a car bombing that is just audible enough to make me think it was significant.

Reid steps into Gideon’s line of sight still wearing that ridiculous hat and Gideon gets his incredibly subtle ‘dadness’ on asking ‘havin’ fun?’ of his totally surrogate genius son who he adores like a father.

Reid is hilarious as he blank faced and blank voiced declares that yes, he is definitely having fun, while his eyes are desperate, hehe!!

Gideon asks if he made a wish and Reid gets all cute again going ‘can I take this hat off?’ and it really is like a little kid who has been made to wear something dorky for a party, asking his dad for permission to remove the uber Dorkiness.

Gideon coolly tells him ‘I wouldn’t’ the unspoken implication being that to do so would be sort of rude and indicate a lack of fun.

Seriously, who hasn’t been in a situation like this at a party? Either as the kid, or the older person being asked? I remember endless Christmases going back years where we’d all have to wear our newest clothes we’d gotten that day, to eat Christmas dinner and afterwards we’d all approach mum and ask if we could please, please go and get changed now since of course, you cant really have fun with your other presents when you’re worried you’ll ruin your new outfit.

And every time we where told sweetly that we could not, at least not until every one of the grandparents and any one else who’d come, had left.

Where was I?

Oh yes, JJ calls to ‘Spence’ with a piece of cake and Reid goes to leave, coming back for a second to inform Gideon that no one else in the world calls him Spence except JJ.

Aaw. He totally has a big geeky crush.

 Gideon goes back to watching the news and we hear a news reader say something about a ‘splinter group’ who I guess have been blamed or claimed responsibility for the bombings.

I really don’t get why the news is so prevalent in this scene as nothing ever comes of it but mean while, Hotch is getting off the phone.

 Hehe, Morgan tells JJ to feed Reid cake, kinky, sexy bastard.

Captain Buzzkill, aka Hotch tells them parties over and we cut to JJ carrying files, including photo’s of the woman from the opening, into the Round Table room where the team have assembled.

The ‘Tommy Killer’ has raped and murdered six women in their homes in the last three weeks it would seem, which means he has a short fuse, and according to Hotch it’s getting shorter as the amount of time between attacks is growing shorter by days every time.

Reid suggests a regression to a psychopathic state and the idea is dismissed as this guy is too organised.

I ponder that for a second…regression means going back right? Like you might regress to a child like state if you suffer emotional trauma or get brain damaged or something…so…does that mean that at some point in our lives we’re all psychopaths? Like new born babies are all bug shit insane but too small to be dangerous? It would make sense, actually, especially if you say that by the time they’re old enough to be a danger, they’ve been handled by their parents to a point where its just like intense therapy that makes them safe and sane. It would explain why sometimes kids with out proper adult supervision are so often, utter little bastards.

Hmmm.

Any way, Hotch is heading for the plane while the gang read the files and Morgan asks why they call him the Tommy Killer. Hotch looks suitably uncomfortable as he explains that the name comes from The Who’s (although he never says the name of the band) Rock Opera, as this killer glues the victims eyes open.

Ugh, I hope it’s the reporters who gave the killer that name, only reporters could find a way to cheapen womens death and at the same time, taint pop culture.

I feel the urge to rock out to pinball wizard as we go to credits.

I love the shot in the credits, of Morgan, from compulsion, with the lighter.

BAU Jet as Gideon gives us our quote, about mirrors. Hotch names the victim from the opening, Brenda Samms.

Her children found her when they get home from school.

Ugh.

Brenda was strangled with a thin ligature, possibly a wire, which wasn’t at the scene, nor was the duct tape used to bind the victims.

Gideon listens to all this dialogue while sort of compulsively sketching eyes, in…okay seriously a scarily similar way to the way I do as like my default doodle when I’m bored.

It took four scenes before the killer left the messages on the mirror, which Hotch reads out

‘Fair lady throw those costly robes aside, no longer may you glory in your pride,

take leave of all your carnal vain delight’

Reid, who has been looking thoughtful, finishes

‘I have come to summon you away this night’

 and every one looks at him as he explains it’s a 17^th century ballad, ‘A Dialogue betwixt Death and a Lady’ about a woman begging death to live.

Gideon is…I cant even describe it and do it justice, he is grinning from ear to ear that Reid even knows this, almost laughing and I will say again and again how much I love the dynamic between these two, that nothing seems to make Gideon happier than letting Reid be smart.

Morgan’s face goes from ‘what the fuck Reid?’ to ‘That’s Reid!’ which is awesome while Elle wonders if they’re looking for a literature professor or some one educated, but Reid dismisses this saying all you need is an internet connection.

He starts off on a Reidble(Reid+Ramble) of what happens when you type death into a search engine but Morgan cuts him off kinda bitchily laughing at why Reid can never get a date.

 Reid looks…like Reid, that face he pulls that says he’s hurt but he’s so very used to it at this point in his life, which, another nice touch, as Gideon tells him to stay on the message in case it has deeper meaning than just something fucked up to write when you kill some one.

Morgan notes how trashed the crime scene was and Gideon says that the eyes are the signature that isn’t necessary to the murder, but for the emotional release the killer craves.

The way Gideon is looking…I think at Elle, he might be sketching her eye, I cant quite tell but it looks that way.

Reid points out that thing about people used to believe that the eyes recorded a snapshot of the last thing people saw before the died and Morgan, again being a prick, goes ‘yeah people used to write poems about talking to death’ and Reid, Reidily, corrects him ‘ballads’ which Morgan pissily ‘whatever’s’

Again, Reid looks put down and I wonder if Morgan was always such a twat to Reid and I missed most of it or if the writers where regressing to their own childhoods as bullies or bully victims for this ep and working some shit out through what they wrote.

Elle wonders if we’ll ever stop running out of things to do to each other and Gideon states that ‘finding new ways to hurt each other is what we’re good at’

Everyone looks a bit sad and pensive and Hotch gives Elle slightly concerned looks.

Cut to San Diego where an older lady in an apron (other clothes too you sickos but in the context of the scene the aprons the most important thing since she’s cooking) is walking out to a lemon tree to pick a lemon.

 I want a lemon tree.

As she turns to walk back inside a hulking figure steps half into frame to watch her go and between bouts of being freaked out, I have to point out that she must have some serious suck ass peripheral vision to not see the guy…

Oh hang on, that might have been on purpose since we cut to the San Diego Task Force Headquarters where our agents have arrived and Elle, Gideon, Reid and Morgan make straight for the big evidence covered note boards or phones or what ever, brushing by ColumbNot from earlier.

ColumbNot looks a little offended but Hotch explains that the team tends to get tunnel vision in cases like this…see what I mean about it being on purpose? Apron lady is sorta tunnel visioned cos she’s thinking on her cooking…do you see the parallel? Do you? I don’t know why I bother.

Hotch introduces himself and JJ and we cut to Gideon having a Beautiful Mind moment with the evidence. What happens next is kinda heavy handed, as we see pictures of the victims, alive and dead, as VO’s of like, their kids asking them to tuck them into bed, or to help with homework sound all ghostly and sad in context, especially the last one, a little girl(who if she’s supposed to be Brenda’s daughter, sounds WAY too young since the girl in the photo Intruder looked at was at least fourteen) asking ‘mom, where are you?’ in what must have been the moments before she found her mothers raped body.

Any way, like I say, I get that its supposed to remind us that these victims where people and I guess maybe we’re also supposed to guess its Gideon’s mind at work, like he’s figuring why the killer picked these women, trashed the house, glued their eyes open. It’s actually a pretty well done bit, if, as I said, heavy handed, especially since they explain it anyway by cutting to the mirror messages printed out and taped to a wall and we hear Reid reading them aloud;

 ‘Do you not know me? I will tell you then; I am he that conquers all the sons of men, no pitch of honour from my dart is free, I am Death! Have you not heard of me?’

 He moves onto the next one

‘You may as well be mute, there is no time…’

 As JJ declares them creepy.

Reid explains that actually they where the norm for the Renaissance but off her look he amends it to ‘yeah, creepy’

Aaw Reid don’t change yourself to make others comfortable, love who you are and be Geeky and Freeeeee!!!

Ahem.

Morgan is plotting the locations of the homes that have been attacked on a map, while Gideon points out that they’re high risk victims at high risk times, so the killers confident in his ability.

Morgan says the attacks happen inside a five mile radius and there’s a weird moment of looping with Gideon saying the guy must have vehicle, which sounds like Mandy actually phoned up the do the recording, hehe!!

Gideon’s looking at pictures of a particular scene and a local cop who I shall name…ChocoLove(for he is black, and has a fantastic ‘tache) offers to take them to see that crime scene since the husband of the victim wont go back in. aaw.

They head off and we cut to Elle as Hotch is telling her to examine the rape independently of the killing so they know what kind of rapist he is.

Reid comes over and tells them that the versus on the mirrors are only Death’s side of the conversation ‘Death speaks but the Lady never answers’

Elle gets the profound line ‘maybe their bodies are answer enough’

Cut to ApronLady from before taking something out of the oven in her gorgeous kitchen, like seriously I’m not one to go all funny over the interiors of homes but GOD its lovely.

She’s pretty into her cooking so she doesn’t notice some one opening her unlocked door(come on people!Vigilance!Yes I speak from experience so that should be even more of a warning!) and walking into her house. But I do.

And I totally freak out and decide to write the rest of this with Kitty my stuffed cat I’ve had since I was…five, six? Cuddled onto my lap where she will stay.

Any way, the door opens near silently and as the camera closes in on ApronLady she is grabbed by some one in dark clothes and dragged out of the shot, screaming all the way.

*shudder*

Cut to ChocoLove, Morgan and Gideon in the car(I wonder if Morgan called shotgun to get the front seat) and ChocoLove is all ‘does profiling really work’ and Morgans all ‘yup’ and he and Gideon explain that they look at stuff that cops aren’t even trained to look for, emotions as much as actions etc.

ChocoLove asks what they know of this killer and Gideon says ‘he’s not gonna stop until he’s caught’

Cut to the house from the opening as the car pulls up and they climb out and we see two police cars cruise by in the background.

Gideon comments on this and ChocoLove explains ColumbNot increased patrols and called people off vacations and free days since the fourth attack.

Morgan points out that even with extra cops around the guys still managed two more attacks and Gideon states the killer blends in.

He gets a call, Hotch telling him of an attack two blocks from the station house, but says the husband interrupted and the killer got away.

Gideon sends him and Elle to check it out while he and ChocoLove and Morgan stay at their scene.

ChocoLove heads over to the other scene, giving our boys the key for this house and heads off, so Morgan goes around back to use the Killers way in, obviously meaning do his ‘mind of the killer’ thing which I like and which they’ve kept constant through out the show.
I like how each character seems to have a different method, a different approach to how they get into the killers head, and its sort of fitting that the most…physical member of the team(there’s a sense of ex military about him) does that physically, by mimicking the movements of the killer.

I do worry that he’s not obviously a cop in this moment, he’s a black dude sneaking into a house in a rich, white neighbourhood, but that’s just me.

Gideon goes in through the front and walks through the house while Morgan climbs in that same window from the opening.

 He seems to manage it fine even though it’s a pretty small window but he says out loud that its not easy to manoeuvre so he(Killer) must be at least a little bit athletic.

I say…at the very least he’s thinnish and can climb but then again, I’m not a profiler.

Gideon’s upstairs and closes the door to the bedroom behind him, walking through the room slowly.

I DIE for the bed frame they have as we see the bed has been stripped down and the wrecked stuff cleaned up.

Morgan down stairs is reviewing crime scene photos and wonders why ‘he’ would take the time to take the appliances upstairs and wreck them.

We don’t find out as we cut to Hotch and Elle at ApronLady’s house as crime scene techs crawl over that lovely kitchen like ants.

Hotch says ApronLady is lucky and Elle says ApronLady probably doesn’t think that right now.

They come to a living room looking place just off the kitchen, and ApronLady is being cuddled by her husband as like, eight male detectives stand around staring at them both while ColumbNot asks Husband if he’s sure.

Husband says he saw a six foot tall black dude run out of the door so ColumbNot tells his men to get the description out.

I scamper off to call Morgan and tell him to watch out as ColmbNot walks over to Hotch and Elle with a ‘there you have it’ look on his face.

Elle and Hotch are wearing identical troubled expressions as Hotch explains that its very rare for rapists to cross races.

ColumbNot ask if its impossible and Hotch says no but I’m just saying.

Elle is watching a shellshocked looking ApronLady and announces she’s going to go and talk to her since the poor woman is surrounded by men.

ColumbNot is all pissy asking why and…okay I DO love this show and mostly they have the local detectives just going along with what ever the profilers say, since they know they’re the experts and all, but when are TV writers going to get over this cliché of the local PD getting all arsey over the teams giving them advice?! Especially this show where it is the detectives who call the BAU asking them to help out with their cases!! On any other show I’d let it slide but this is actually a show where the detectives are the ones who call the BAU in, the BAU doesn’t inject themselves into the investigation so they’re hardly stepping on toes, or if they are, the toes have been offered up to be stepped on so what is up with the BITCHING already?!

GOD!

Any way, Elle very kindly walks over and asks Mrs Gordon, ApronLady, if she’d like to go for a walk.

Mrs Gordon(who deserves her name) is understandably cautious but Elle assures her they’re only going some where quiet.

Back to the other house, Gideon and Morgan are still hanging out.

Morgan asks himself why ‘he’ broke the china and silver, and why Brenda didn’t hear him do it-sorry but that’s just retarded right there, as if they wouldn’t have already deducted that the broken stuff was broken after, ugh! This ep is good but there are some moments…

Any way Gideon is reading the verse off the mirror

‘You may as well be mute, there is no time at all for vain dispute.

 Your riches, gold and garments, jewels bright, your house and land must on new owners light’

Cut back to Elle and Mrs Gordon sat in the back garden of Mrs Gordon’s house and Elle is telling her to just sit and breathe and collect herself, and Elle will be waiting nearby when she’s ready to talk.

As Elle gets up, Mrs Gordon admits she didn’t even know the dude was in the house (oh, ugh, shudder, freak out) and asks if that was common. Elle assures her it is very common as we cut back to Morgan and Gideon.

They realise the killer must have spent enough time in the house to vacuum the bedroom carpet, not just vacuum it, but do it to a degree that he got rid of the indentations on the carpet from the platform Brenda was using in her work out.

Morgan says that Brenda must have been dead or unconscious when Killer smashed the things he did and Gideon says they where her things, Brenda’s things and quotes the verse about ‘riches, gold and garments’ etc and says there’s something he’s not seeing right in front of him

Elle is still with Mrs Gordon who is saying how her attacker pulled her down to the floor and she tried to fight him off but he was really strong, but then her husband came in and screamed, so the attacker ran away.

Elle asks if she’s sure it was a black man and Mrs Gordon says her husband is sure but that she was staring at the guy while they fought, that she decided if he was gonna kill her he would have to look in her eyes while he did, and the killer stared right back through the ski mask.

I can’t tell if Mr Gordon insisting it was a black guy is supposed to be sort of…automatic racism, or if its really a case of mistaken identity.

Either way Mrs Gordon gets emotional and Elle comforts her, and we cut to Gideon and Morgan getting back to the station where Reid greets them with a question; Why didn’t the killer leave verses at the first three murders? The ballad is ten verses long, just on the Death side so its not like he could run out.

Gideon asks JJ to find out when the press first ran a story on the killings and explains the killer wasn’t getting enough attention, that the police sometimes don’t even know they’re looking at a pattern until some one tells them they are, so the killer started leaving the verses to make the cops realise he was a serial killer. They figure out the police patrols started after fourth killing, as did the press coverage, the fourth killing being the first one with a verse.

Hotch and Elle walk in to inform them that Mrs Gordon’s attacker was black which…I thought the revelation about the mask was to say he wasn’t black…o…kay…any way Morgan reminds us Cross Racial attack don’t happen and Reid cites Herbert Mullin who killed 14 different people of varying ages, creeds and races.

Elle agrees but says Mullin’s crimes didn’t have a sexual component so is a different type of profile.

 Elle then brings up the fact that Mrs Gordon’s attacker wore a ski mask and…once again, huh? I thought…I thought the point was the Ski Mask made the Gordon’s think the guy was black…

Cut to Elle and a larger lady coming out of the lady’s house and the woman is explaining how she never understood the allure of old coins and papers.

She offers Elle some relationship advice, don’t marry the first guy that proposes and that just makes me sort of sad cos in that one line she speaks volumes about being a young, larger woman thinking she’s never going to get proposed to twice.

She explains that David turned their garage into a work shop and we see a David’s Eye View as he watches Elle and his wife approach.

Cut to Hotch talking to Reid on the phone, Reid giving him the name of the antiques dealer from his list.

Hotch realises this is the same David Walker Elle is currently visiting and looks concerned as we cut back to Elle digging her phone out of her purse as Mrs Walker wonders why she can hear the car coming from the garage.

She actually kinda hilariously goes ‘I hope he’s not committing suicide, I wont be able to collect on the life insurance’

Elle answers her phone and Hotch snaps ‘Elle it’s him, it’s Walker!’ as the garage door opens and a car comes speeding out.

There is a moment of GENUINE unintentional comedy when Elle throws her arms wide and screams ‘Get out of the WAAAAAY!!’ and LEAPS out of the way of the car while Mrs Walker slams onto the hood, which, less funny.

Walker brakes, throwing the wife clear and speeds off as Elle fires after him.

I question the sense in firing a gun into a suburban street willy nilly as we…fade to black.

We come back and Hotch is walking by the stretcher carrying a neck brace wearing Mrs Walker.

He approaches Elle, asking if she’s okay and she says she’s fine but says ‘Poor Mrs Walker’

Hotch agrees, with the brilliant line ‘yeah guys a real peach’ and I love him.

He assures Elle the cops are out looking for Walker and asks again if Elle is okay.

She’s looking spooked so it’s a fair enquiry and she just nods a yes, explaining that Walker has his work room.

They head in there and find out Walker was doing…something to change the dates on coins to make them worth more, and he has a newspaper clipping of Bale on which he’s written ‘the best’

They realise this is why he’s used Bale’s bomb design and see he was working on a bomb before he fled, that he’s taken with him.

Hotch tells a uniform to get word out Walker is smart, dangerous and has nothing to lose.

Cut to Garcia unpacking a seriously tasty looking lunch, a sandwich, celery sticks with a dipping sauce, a drink in a mug, an apple, and two cookies in a plastic container she pats lovingly, as I would.

She literally puts her sandwich to her mouth, is about to take a bite when Morgan walks over and asks if she’s ready to work.

He hands her a list of emails Reid forwarded to them and says they’re hoping that since Walkers in the wind, they’re to use the emails to see if Bale gave him any cop avoidance tips.

Garcia is the one who states this though, calling it Signature Behaviour and Morgan complements her for taking notes.

She scoffs ‘medical school shmedical school’ and they do a cute little finger five thing and go to work on the emails.

Back in Miami we learn Walker has done time for forged cheques and fell back into bad ways, forging antiques this time and posing as an antiques dealer.

He got into debt, he couldn’t forge fast enough to keep up with demand.

The little old lady who was bombed, who had the coins, she found him out and threatened to go to the police so he killed her with a bomb but planted all the others to cover that up and make it look like something bigger than it was.

As they’re talking we hear some one yell in the background ‘I said stop!’ and turn to see a sweaty guy with a necklace bomb attached to a complicated looking device on his chest, walking in to the room.

The guy, incidentally, is middle eastern, which I know is irrelevant but it’s an interesting casting choice since it’s a bomb attached to his body and we know suicide bombers carry bombs in coats or bags. Like I say it means nothing really but it’s a nice little touch since people would be even more inclined to think he was the bad guy and I guess, gun him down, probably setting off the bomb.

We don’t know yet that this isn’t David Walker, and I guess no one has seen a picture of the guy yet, cos every one pulls their guns as the guy stutters ‘Please, its not me!’ trying to keep calm and I feel so bad for him, I mean an entire police station full of cops just pulled guns on him, they are, as is expected, freaked and angry and yelling over him trying to explain himself, he has to be aware how this situation looks, he aint just a guy with a bomb, he’s a middle eastern guy with a bomb…sucks to be him, and I mean that in a nice way.

Any way Gideon is staring…and again, Mandy Patinkin’s sheer awesome overwhelms me as he looks totally, but not over dramatically freaked the fuck out and at once we remember he’s been in the presence of bombs that killed his friends so for him this is like ten times worse than for every one in the room.

But he still manages to keep his head and raises a hand in a ‘be calm’ gesture for everyone to see.

The cops are telling the poor terrified bomb guy…Bomber Jack, to back out of the station but he gasps he cant, that ‘he’ will kill him.

One of the cops does NOT point out that they’ll kill him motherfucker, as Gideon asks who ‘he’ is and Bomber Jack explains that ‘he’ held a gun to Bomber Jack’s head, put the bomb on him and told him to come into the station.

Gideon’s being very kind and sweet and asks what ‘he’, Walker, wants and Bomber Jack stutters ‘a helicopter…a passport’ and that when he receives these he’ll send instructions on how to remove the bomb.

The cops realise Walker must be nearby and scramble to get snipers up inside and around the surrounding buildings as Bomber Jack begs them to remove the bomb.

Gideon is being totally calm and cool and generally keeping Bomber Jack from freaking out as he explains they need to figure out how the bomb works before they can try to remove it and the bomb expert from before, Tracey (I guess the little girls bomb didn’t like, explode and kill him, thanks for telling us show) runs up with a digital camera and starts to snap off pictures.

Every time the camera beeps and clicks, poor Bomber Jack flinches and moans and it’s a nice little touch, acting wise, that he’d sort of think the noises are from the bomb and react every time.

Cut to Tracey holding the camera so the team can see the view screen and explaining that he needs a lot of time to figure out how to remove the bomb, but that time is something they don’t have since there is a timer attached to the device that’s counting down.

Gideon explains to Bomber Jack that they can’t just remove the bomb, and tries to make him go outside and it’s interesting that they would all so…not happily but they’re all comfortable sending that one guy out to potentially die, to save so many others. Bomber Jack wont go though since Walker swore he’d kill Bomber Jack if he did so Gideon says they have to isolate him and Bomber Jack freaks out some more.

Cut to a freaking army of SWAT dudes piling out of trucks and racing around looking important and one older dude with a bitchin’ rifle taking up a position on a roof top and finding Walker in like, a nano second. Walker is pacing and looking frantic and has a remote for the bomb.

Snipers are so badass.

Cut back inside the PD and Bomber Jack has been placed into…its like a steel mesh cage and I think there’s like…not plastic but bomb proof or shatter proof or what ever glass or Perspex covering the mesh. I am totally guessing here but…the thing contains the blast from the bomb? I mean I know they generally detonate bombs if they cant disarm them, once they’ve gotten people to a safe distance so I guess in cases where they cant move the bomb to a big open space and are stuck with it like, in a house or office type place, they use the cage thing to contain the damage?

Any way a bomb guy in full bomb gear is in there fiddling with the bomb as the team walks by and Jay Acovone, the local detective reports that the sniper has found Walker. They state that the best thing to do is confront him since bombers are cowards. They come up with a plan of action, Hotch taking a team into the building and go to it.

Cut to Elle and Hotch approaching the building and Elle admits the whole situation feels hinky to her.

Hotch reiterates the plan and he and his team…who tbh look like a bunch of…extras…I mean they’re all guys in suits so I’m assuming they’re local cops or something but…why aren’t they going in there with SWAT?

Any way they head in and Hotch tells Gideon they’re approaching the room Walker’s holed up in and Jay Acovone asks Gideon ‘so all bombers are cowards huh?’

Gideon nods that every last one of them(bombers) are indeed cowards.

I…don’t get that scene, in the here and now, they might build on it later but for now I cant think why that little exchange matters.

Anyway, Hotch and Elle enter the room and its all super tense, Walker is hiding behind shelves and boxes and verily is scared and cowardly and Hotch demands he show himself.

Walker is all ‘I cant!’ and Hotch repeats his order, stating he’ll ‘shoot up the whole room’ which…I love that line, and Thomas Gibson’s reading of it, I cant explain why though, it just stays with me, I think cos I love the thought of Hotch just…shooting up the whole room willy nilly for one guy.

Anyway Walker says his hand is on the remote for the bomb and that they know what he wants and need to let him go. Hotch tells him that as smart as Walker is, he has to know he’s not getting away, but he can get out of the room alive if he cooperates, and has till three to comply by sliding his gun across the floor, and says ‘One’

Walker is all ‘you wouldn’t let the hostage die’ and Hotch is like ‘wanna bet? Two’

Walker gets Joe Pesci on us all ‘okay, okay’ but his accents no where near as fun(Gimme a word any word and I’ll say it funny for a nickel) and slides the gun forwards, so Hotch orders him to walk towards them.

Cut to Gideon getting a phone call from Morgan who reads him an email from Bale to Walker where Bale says his only regret is giving himself up and having to live out his days in a cage. He’s told Walker that if cornered, don’t let the cops take him.

We get a quick cut of Walker moving to arm a second, huge looking bomb as

Gideon frowns and flashes on…basically the events of the episode but seems to focus on the funky machine that changes the dates on coins.

Back in the real world he mutters ‘Walkers not a bomber he’s a forger’

and he grabs the walkie talkie, screaming into it ‘get out of there NOW’

Cut to Hotch who doesn’t even hesitate to tell Elle and the other men to bail-Love that he just knows to obey Gideon- and they book, Elle and Hotch of course lagging behind for no other reason than the shot of Hotch following Elle around a corner as the bomb goes off behind them is really cool and dramatic.

Cut to Hotch’s voice reporting everyone’s fine but Walker is crispy bacon and Jay Acovone asking Tracey the bomb guy how long is left on the timer.

They’ve only got two hours and Jay tells Gideon, who is sitting in the bomb cage with Bomber Jack, chewing on a toothpick, that he’s out of options.

I like the idea we’re presented with in that small moment-assuming some time has passed, Gideon’s gone into that cage and gotten comfortable on the floor.

I like the thought that he’s sat there talking with Bomber Jack for a while, keeping him calm.

Any way, Gideon declares he has an option that might work and we cut to some one shouting to Bale who is in his cell and looks up thought fully.

Aaand here is where I go ‘whazzuh?’ as we see Gideon and Hotch talking with Bale, offering him a transfer to a medium security prison if he cooperates.

I guess this answers the question posed to Hotch earlier.

So any way, my issue is, earlier on we saw Reid and Gideon take a plane ride to go see Bale, who is imprisoned in Atlanta, Georgia. Now, geography isn’t my best subject, and I know little of travel times in the USA but it seems to me that getting Bale to Miami from Georgia, given the amount of time it’d take to get the Powers That Be to okay a transfer, get  a high security prisoner  shackled, to an airfield, onto a plane, from THAT airfield  to Miami, to the police station, get his attorney there to advise…even if you say you need it done in two hours, doesn’t it seem like it’d take…really, dangerously close to two hours?

We cant all be like 24 with our real time, but come on guys, you could have said three hours at least.

So anyway, the actor playing Bale is doing his very best Peter MacNicol impersonation, sitting with his chin resting on the heels of his palms, his hands almost covering his cheeks, but you sir? Are no Peter MacNicol.

Bale demands that he be transferred to a mental institution since he’ll get way more freedoms there, as well as being able to talk to non prisoner type people. He gives Gideon this great look that telegraphs how much bullshit he’s spewing and goes ‘I want to connect again’ with this sincere nod.

Gideon is just looking at him and agrees so Bale pushes its further, saying the one last, deciding vote condition, is that Gideon confess that he fucked up in Boston, that Bale beat him. He wants Gideon to apologies to the families of the men who died and he wants it in writing.

Hotch has had enough of this putz and tells Gideon as much in another nice moment that indicates how much respect he has for the older man, that he wont let him lower himself like that.

Gideon ignores him and asks Bale if he(Gideon) does it, Bale will tell them how to defuse the bomb and Bale says he’ll only tell them how if Gideon does it.

Gideon calls bullshit and Bale’s attorney states that its all in writing, that if Bale refuses to help, or lies, the deal is null and void.

Cut to Gideon signing the deal and Bale says he’s wants to hear it.

Gideon shrugs and starts to read out the prepared speech that… I guess he’s just written which makes the next scene all the more awesome since Bale, who really looks like Alex off Grey’s Anatomy’s older brother, but…more weather beaten, and who is playing with the sunflower seeds on the desk because, ya know, he’s Krazy, interrupts to say he wants Gideon to say it.

Gideon doesn’t even blink as he slides the paper across the desk and leans forwards as Bale leans back with his eyes closed to really savour the moment.

Gideon ‘There was a hostage situation. I negotiated with Bale. He agreed to give himself up. He came out of the warehouse peacefully. I gave the okay to…send some of my agents in and(sort of wry, not amused laugh)…they never came out’

Cut to Hotch looking distinctly pissed off and uncomfortable.

Gideon continues ‘It was a mistake. It was my mistake I was uh… I was outfoxed by Mr Bale’ (Heart the use of the word ‘outfoxed) He’s looked up at Bale for that moment and Bale meets his eyes while Gideon amends ‘By you’

Gideon drops his gaze back to the desk for a second before looking up, and carries on ‘I sincerely regret having made the decision to send those agents in that day. And I sincerely regret and apologise, to the families of all those who died that day’

Cut to Hotch looking uncomfortable some more, then looking up and past the camera to where he’s presumably been signalled as he says quietly ‘four more minutes’

So they got Bale to Miami in…call it two hours?

Is that possible?

Any way, Hotch looks in Gideon’s direction without looking at him, since Gideon is staring at Bale who is looking evil and thoughtful.

Cut to Gideon, and Hotch flanking Bale as they all stand outside the room where the Bomb Cage has been set up.

Tracey explains he needs to know, blue wire or red wire and Gideon asks Bale who takes a breath before stating ‘red’

Gideon doesn’t immediately pass this on to Tracey and glances at Bale, reminding him that once that wire is cut its over and Bale gets to spend his time in a cushy asylum with nurses and visits and outdoor walks, and Bomber Jack walks out of there alive.

Hotch is giving Gideon a look like ‘dude, so LITERALLY not the time’ as Tracey, sounding remarkably cool while managing to have a hint of ‘okay, SERIOUSLY already’ in his voice reminds them ‘seventeen seconds’ and I wonder what took them over three minutes to drag Bale from the room like two feet away, to there, when they can get his ass from Atlanta, bypassing a million legal statues and travel…facts, in like, an hour.

Any way Gideon is like ‘You’re sure it’s the red?’ and Bale nods again.

Gideon keys the walkie talkie and states ‘cut the blue wire’

Hotch frowns and Bale glares at Gideon as Tracey asks if he’s sure and Gideon tells him to cut it, so he does and the clock stops counting down at three second.

Hotch wordlessly grabs Bale and drags him out of the room as Bomber Jack weeps and thanks Tracey who looks sort of uncomfortable. Aaw.

Tracey doesn’t much like people. Bless.

Elle steps up beside Gideon and asks how he knew and we flash back to Bale in prison earlier telling Gideon that the emotional release of setting off the bomb was too much to pass up.

Gideon tells Elle Bale told him, and gives a sort of chuckle as he says ‘I just took his word for it’

Love the implication that it was, for all intents and purposes, a total gamble but he shrugs.

Some kinda cool music is playing as Gideon and some prison guards escort Bale through prison and Random Faceless Prisoner # 1 yells that some ones been transferred to Ad.Seg and I wonder who, and why that is.

As Bale is placed in his cell, Gideon tells him that despite Bale lying to them and voiding his deal, Gideon made sure he told all the other inmates that Bale was more than willing to grass them all up.

Gideon says Adrian is a rare bird(again, totally love the way Gideon speaks, Heart Mandy, such Heart) and that he(Gideon) ‘Cant tell (Bale) how much pleasure (he) gets putting (Bale) in this little tiny cage…You might even call it an emotional release’

Bale, who has been staring off at nothing the whole time with an attitude of ‘yeah what ever old man’, glares at Gideon as he says the last and Gideon walks way as the cell is closed.

We follow Gideon as he walks out of the prison, grinning wonderfully to himself.

I have to say, as much of a cliché as it is to have a main character with a traumatic, potentially damaging past, Criminal Minds handles it better than any show I’ve ever seen, not just in how the present it to the audience, not revealing everything in one go, not being too secretive about it, but in how they’ve just dealt with it.

Most shows would pull that shit out for ages, over several seasons if they could but in the first three episodes of this show, they air it out and give Gideon his ‘fix’, his demon confronting episode.

And the best thing about it is, we get to see that Gideon, while blaming himself for what happened, does so intellectually as much as emotionally, he doesn’t wallow in self pity or hatred, he knows he did wrong, people died because of him, and he is genuinely regretful and apologetic…but he doesn’t let it bog him down, he isn’t…a drunk because of it or something.

Nor is he too proud to admit his flaws to the only other person in the world he could foist any blame onto, which again, I adore, that he’ll give some one he truly loathes that kind of gratification, to save one guy?

Such love, for this show.

I kind of wonder what happened to Reid though.

The last we saw of him he was in that prison…and then he disappeared….

Okay, open on Tense Dude sitting in a car some where in Florida, looking….tense…he’s watching Bald Man, who’s carrying a great big box, as Bald walks out of his home toward a car and there’s very much a sense of ‘early morning’ over the whole thing.

Tense Dude is called Joe and Bald guy is called Gil, and he’s been dodging Joe’s calls but Gil promises they’ll get a chance to talk about…what ever…I think they’re loooverrrssssss.

Any way Joe gets a bit aggressive so we think he might be the villain, storming off as Gil hefts his Box’O’Bomb(spoiler?) off the top of his car.

We get an extreme close up on Joe as the bomb goes off, following him down to the ground as the concussion wave knocks him on his feet and they turn down the sound a little so all we can really hear are Joe’s grunts and gasps of shock/pain.

As sound returns we hear car alarms and screaming and Joe turns around to see Gil lying beside his wrecked ass car, looking more than worse for wear, screaming his damn fool head off as people come running over to help.

And just like that we’re in Virginia with the Team and Hotch is telling Gideon that the bombing was the second that morning, that ATF are on it and Homeland security wants a threat assessment as well as a profile.

The media are all over it but JJ’s keeping tabs on that.

Both bombs where set off in residential areas of Palm Beach and ATF are sending over pictures of bomb fragments as they find them for the team, mainly Morgan since it’s his thing, to examine.

In the conference room the team look at some pictures and determine that the bombs where pipe bombs sent in packages, but had mercury triggers which basically means that a bent tube with two contacts at either end is filled with Mercury and all the bomb needs to blow up is the box to be tilted.

Elle points out that the box couldn’t have been delivered through the mail then so the bomber must have hand delivered the box so Gideon decides not to raise the Terror Alert since this may not be terrorism.

JJ comes in to show them that the bombing we saw in the opening is all over the news so to not raise the terror alert will make them look weak but as the report is going on (JJ name drops like eight different news channels which is a hint that no station wanted this show for a while since otherwise it’d be a made up news affiliate or a CBS one that was never quite named but obviously CBS)

As the report is going on another bomb goes off in the background and while the explosion looks fairly small, it’s a bomb so…

Hotch announces they’re going to florida and we close in on Gideon looking pensive as we cut to

Credits.

Hotch is on the phone to some one as Morgan catches him up and states that since the bomb fragments are being sent to them and he has a history in ATF he should stay behind and see what he can see…you know if Hotch is cool with that like, but what ever…

Hotch sees right through it and calls Morgan out on being spooked about being in the field on a serial bomber case and Morgan states that it’s not the bomber he’s scared of.

Hotch is all ‘this again?’ and Morgan points out(fairly, I guess) that the incident in Boston ‘sent Gideon into a post traumatic tail spin’ and wonders why that isn’t still a concern of Hotch’s.

Hotch is all ‘profile the bomber not your boss, ass hat’ and Morgan sighs and agrees.

On the BAU Jet Hotch gives us the skinny on the victims, an old granny, Gil from the beginning and the lady killed in the blast we saw on the news.

Of the three only Gil survived but there is a connection with the victims, Gil was some kind of investor working on some ten million dollar condo complex but a geographical survey revealed that the land was bad and a lot of people lost money, including, I guess, the other two victims.

It seems to me as the child of some one who builds apartment complexes that if the people invested before the land was even cleared they where asking for trouble but that’s neither here nor there since Gideon discourages trying to find a motive just yet and states that they should start at the beginning; What do they know about bombers?

Reid tells us, mostly male, loners, criminal records, fifty percent of all bombings are the product of vandalism and more often than not bombers end up accidentally blowing themselves up so their suspects are sometimes the victims.

They brain storm that Gil (Clurman) was the only male and that with the failed business thing he had a powerful stressor.

The also note that he was the only survivor and the only one whose bomb didn’t go off at the door, he carried it out to his car rather than carrying it in the house.

At the scene, Hotch explains that Gil claimed he found the box at his door and carried it out to the car, and we learn that Angry Joe who was cleared as a suspect has reported seeing Gil get into the car with it.

The theorise again that what if Gil didn’t receive the box, he was taking it some place and for what ever reason, his agitation at Joe possibly, he tilted or knocked the box and kaboom!!

Gideon wants to talk to Gil and tells the team to get a warrant and search the house.

We cut to Morgan back home receiving the bomb fragments and I take as second to wonder that since they apparently did decide to let Morgan stay home, didn’t they consider that it might be wiser to have their bomb expert as close by as possible since there’s a chance they’re going to have to defuse a bomb?

Any way, Garcia and Morgan banter and we learn she didn’t get into med school so she joined the FBI instead which…fits with what we now know of Garcia, that she doesn’t handle the messy stuff too well.

Morgan explains that the way the bomb was assembled can tell them a lot about the mind of the UnSub.

Garcia is dubious so Morgan gives her an example; The bomber as threaded some wire onto some…something, used a very fine powder and basically made a bomb that is hella dangerous to make and is a bomb made for killing not vandalism etc.

This UnSub aims to kill…DUN!!

Ahem, sorry.

Back in Miami the detective has arrived and Hotch and Elle explain they’ve not yet found anything concrete in Gil’s house just some normal household stuff that could be used in bomb making.

A harried looking woman, Mrs Gil, enters and isn’t happy her husbands a suspect but Elle and Hotch kindly explain that its protocol, just as a detective calls them to the garage.

They’ve found a toolbox filled with bomb making gear and a book entitled ‘the anarchists companion’ which I guess is supposed to be like the anarchists cook book.

Hotch asks Mrs Gil if she knows anything but before we hear her answer we’re at the hospital with Reid, Gideon and Gil.

Gil is laid up in bed and reveals he thought the package was a pot for the orchids he collects but keeps at the office, which is why he didn’t take it inside.

Gideon’s very kind but to the point, asking about the argument with Joe, the condo’s, the investors.

All we learn is that the geologist who originally tested the ground scammed the investors and Gil felt awful over it since so many people lost their money.

He starts to feel pain in his now missing foot so Gideon goes to get a doctor.

We mean while head back to the house where we see Gil’s plants are looking a little dry but Gideon calls to explain that Gil in person is not a bomber, just as Elle points out that Gil’s 12 year old nephew stayed with them the week before, the bomb kit could be his.

Hotch tells Elle he’ll have the local PD check on that as we cut back to Morgan and Garcia, the former stressing because he’s got spare pieces of bomb and cant figure out where they fit in the otherwise complete device he has in front of him.

He explains how bombers like to ‘sign’ their work with certain things, a certain type of switch or in the case of the Unabomber, who used something wooden in all his bombs.

Morgan goes on to explain that once they have the pattern of the bomb down they can run it through databases and see if they’ve encountered the bomber before.

Garcia suggests that a rod through the middle of the bomb completes it and Morgan is shocked when he realises that he knows who made the bomb, but the dudes currently serving life in a federal prison.

Garcia gets a look like she’s figured out what that means as Morgan picks up the phone to make a call.

Adrian Bale is the bomber who killed the agents in Boston and we get a mini recap of what we know so far.

Reid explains Bale’s gathered a cult following not unlike Manson so the bomber could be a copycat, while Gideon explains that the connection to Bale could mean nothing.

Gideon tells the Miami detective to give carry on with the profile and the detectives like ‘what profile?’

Cut to the BAU team doing their thang;

Our bomber is totally non confrontational, he’s highly organised, he’s smart, a loner, he’s a murderer who just happens to use bombs as his weapons, harking back to the non confrontational thing.

The attacks aren’t random though, as bombers fall into certain categories for motives and so therefore, victims; terrorist bombers will strike heavily populated areas that will disrupt day to day life, like subways, politically motivated bombers hit targets that make a statement, an abortion clinic for example.

The UnSub here however places the bombs on the stoop of his targets houses, he singles THEM out so there is some connected motive.

Gideon tells Hotch he’s going to jail to talk to Bale.

A little later the Miami PD have some names they’re gonna track down and Elle and Hotch are running victim profiles to see what they can find.

Elle cant understand why some one would hurt a coin collecting little old lady and Hotch says they may have wanted the coins, that he himself spent a good chunk of his childhood searching for a 1944 penny worth thousands.

Off Elle and JJ’s looks he admits he was a bit of a nerd an ask if its such a surprise.

Elle snarks ‘not to me!’

And Hotch twitches an eyebrow as his phone rings.

Morgan tells them the bombs are exactly the same as Bales, that the bombs seem less built than forged, he also says to warn the public that the bomber may write the addresses on the packages in block lettering with blue ink since Bale did the same thing.

Some FBI superior chick calls up to inquire as to whether Hotch and co would make a deal with Bale if it seemed like the only way to get anything out of him.

Hotch thinks that’s premature planning and we jump over to the US Penitentiary of Atlanta Georgia.

Why would a guy arrested in Boston be imprisoned in Georgia, any one know? Is it cos it’s a federal prison?

Bale and Gideon are in an interview room and there’s a really nice sense between the two that there’s history, not good history obviously but you can tell these actors have worked on their scenes to get this familiarity with one another.

Any way Gideon’s all ‘this dude is copying you’ and Bale’s all ‘I’m evil, I care not, plus I fooled you before, nyah nyah’

We see Cute Kid and her Mum bantering about CK’s dad who it seems is showing a house or something, while CK is colouring in front of the TV.

Mum is trying to hear the news where JJ is giving the information about the packages but Mum misses most of what JJ says as CK asks lots of questions about nothing.

More reasons children should be seen and not heard…

Anyway, back to prison with Gideon and Bale and Gideon is admitting that he underestimated how ruthless Bale was.

Bale basically gets his evil on and goads Gideon asking why Gideon didn’t search him, why he sent the six agents in when he wasn’t sure whether Bale had a remote or not, basically why Gideon didn’t do his job.

He foreshadows about how for him it wasn’t about beating Gideon or the FBI, how basically he gets an emotional release when he sets off bombs and Gideon should have figured that out and been more on the ball, basically.

Gideon gets that ‘barely restrained’ look as we cut back to Cute Kid and Mum.

CK is yelling to Mum that there’s a package for her and while the audience freaks out Mum asks her what its like; the moppet describes the very Package of DOOOOM JJ was warning us all about earlier on.

Mum remembers the news report and runs out to see if she’s right, and Lo CK is holding a big box so naturally instead of keeping calm so as not to frighten her kid, Mum loses her shit and starts screaming.

Oh incidentally, the local PD detective dude in this ep? Is Jay Acovone who has been in everything ever but was Kowolski in Stargate SG-1 and seriously died like eighty four times.

Cut the to bomb squad turning up at the house and we see Mum has finally gathered her wits; she’s crouched in front of the kid and is supporting her arms so the little girl isn’t holding up the heavy box all on her own, and is sweetly promising her it wont be much longer.

The bomb dudes approach, one of them carrying a little table thing that looks like something you’d put inside the door to drop your keys on, which he slides under her arms while she frets she’s going to drop the box.

The guy adjusts the table so that it comes up from beneath and they don’t have to lower the box and risk the mercury sliding.

They get the box on the platform and CK and Mum run to safety while bomb guy looks like ‘thanks dudes, I’ll just uh, I’ll stay here with the BOMB’

Gideon is coming out of the prison talking on the phone to Hotch, telling him that Bale gave him nothing but he does think Bale’s part of it.

Gideon explains the next part of his plan and Reid says he’ll stay behind and check Bale’s in and outgoing communications to see if he’s trying to contact the UnSub at all.

I grow concerned for Reid’s skinny white ass in a federal prison. And I do mean his actual ass.

Elle comes to Hotch with the information that the old lady was trying to insure some of her old coins but the insurance company thought they might be fake.

Hotch gets a pretty funny look on his face like ‘You’re kidding right?’ and goes ‘You think the insurance company is blowing up annoying clients?’

Elle explains the coins where worth some money so it could be a motive.

We get a name, David Walker.

Cut to Garcia in the Den of…what ever its called and Reid is calling her to explain that Bale has sneaked around some firewall in the prison and gotten himself internet access, and set up an email account.

My question is how does Reid know?

I mean if he found out from the prison authorities, why didn’t they stop it earlier thus potentially preventing the bombings from happening, and like, saving a whole bunch of lives?

I mean I get why Reid doesn’t put a stop to it there and then, they need to find out who Bale is contacting but it seems a little odd that they didn’t explain how Reid found out.

If it’s just to save on explaining away my earlier question that’s…fine, what ever, Reid’s cute when he’s on the phone.

So any way, Reid asks if there’s a way to monitor what Bale is typing when he’s online so Garcia says she’ll send him an email containing a virus that’ll do just that.

While they’re talking she’s whizzing around tapping at keys and screens so I’m guessing she retrieves Bale’s addy some how, but dudes this is EXACTLY why you should never open Spam mail, which is exactly what Garcia is gonna send Bale, if they can monitor your key strokes they can figure out your credit card number or anything, so, that’s another PSA for ya.

Any whoo, Reid tells Garcia Bale is impotent so she has to send him an email that’ll make him think he’s in control.

Garcia gets a dirty grin on her face and goes ‘I got some’thin’

Cut to Bale in the prison library non to subtly checking out the guards before he opens the internet page.

Seriously, he does the big fake ass stretch and blatantly checks out the guard on the furthest side of the room from him but seems to ignore the one close enough to actually see the screen.

The first email’s subject bar reads ‘Sexy Teen Hot for Inmate xxx’ and Bale grins and EVEN MORE OBVIOUSLY THAN BEFORE checks out the guard again.

But I mean, he just turns his head and looks at the dude and makes no effort to be sneaky.

He’s also a fucking retard cos he actually opens the damn email.

I get that this show is about the psychologies of the bad guys, and we’ve seen how the profilers constantly use the profile to actually actively manipulate the UnSub’s behaviour and I totally buy that, that they play into or against the UnSub’s mind and all that but…given this guys supposed to be a genius villain type, he’s being a spaz right here.

Any way we see him licking his licks all hella creepy and cut to Garcia telling Reid he called Bale’s number, that Bale’s been to six porn sites in the last hour.

Bale starts to post on a message board, naughtyhobbies.net, a website for bomb enthusiasts, and he basically tells ‘who ever’ that the FBI is onto em.

Reid’s all ‘get all the posters names’ and she starts to work as we cut to some dude building a bomb.

Reid is on the phone to Gideon who’s looking tired and kinda fried on the BAU Jet, and Reid’s explaining that not everyone filled in the ‘occupation’ part of the websites sign up form.

Gideon points out that the UnSub takes pride in his work so he’d fill it in so Reid starts reading out the list of people who have and Morgan homes in on an Antiques dealer.

Okay, Episode 2, Compulsion.

Starts with previously’s, FootPath Killer, Gideon at the gas station, figuring out Haas is the killer, the shotgun, Haas in the mirror, Gideon’s eyes then

Jump to…present day I guess?

Haas orders…eventually…not making fun of speech impediments but there ya go,  Gideon whose gone very still to take out his gun and throw it away and Gideon is being careful so asks any particular direction.

For some reason this pisses Haas off and he hits Gideon in the back of the knee with the gun and next thing we’re down stairs or indoors or somewhere and Gideon’s being slammed against a wall, still with the same expression on his face from before, sort of shock and calculation while Haas…eventually…asks who he is…

Gideon reveals he’s Fibbie(FBI) and Haas wigs a little bit, demanding to know what Gideon knows.

Gideon is as always on form and calmly says he knows a lot about Haas, his vics etc.

He says very calmly ‘I know some(sort of awesome hesitation)thing no on else has been able to tell you…I know why you stutter…’

Haas twitches and bugs out some more and while I HATE Haas he does rock this role so lets give him that, he even does that ‘stop, breathe, continue’ thing when he’s really struggling with a word which is a telling character detail(that he’s had speech therapy) that’s some pretty awesome work right there.

Any way Haas is buggin and we see Gideon giving him a look that says ‘and I can tell you if you don’t kill me’ in no uncertain terms which again, awesome, then we fade from what we realise was actually a past event to the show’s present and realise Gideon did survive and is telling his story in his office to yet more Fibbie trainees to whom he admits he was scared, that finding the kid was a total fluke, that his training just revealed Haas to be the bad guy.

More Quotationing goes one before Gideon ends the lesson and the trainees leave as Elle who I guess was listening at the door, enters and asks the question of the ep, Why did Haas stutter?

Gideon seamlessly exposits Elle got onto the BAU team so offers the answer to her as a challenge, she can tell him.

Gideon walks out into the main office of the BAU, eating a candy bar I think(I’m loving that he eats candy for some reason) and we see Reid and Morgan out there, Reid playing himself in a game of chess.

Barely pausing Gideon moves a piece and announces check, with checkmate in three moves then carries on his way while Reid is left literally going ‘what?!’

Morgan explains Reid will only win when he learns to think outside the box and Reid gives him a look like ‘there’s an outside the box? Are you high??’

Enter Elle to propose the question of the stutter to the gang who explain everyone’s asked and never gotten an answer so she offers it to THEM as a challenge.

Ella is up for a challenge which is when JJ Jareau dumps a pile of papers for Elle to deal with on her desk.

JJ knows Elle’s history since she’s the unit liaison basically she deals with the bureaucracy of the bureau( I had to WORK to spell that bloody word) and she’s awesome in her breezing in and out of the scene, introducing her self to Elle, the audience, everyone, conveying she’s smart,  very busy, very capable, in about twenty seconds of screen time

Enter Hotch and their brief interaction tells us it’s also JJ who decides which cases the BAU team actually see.

Hotch walks through the room and calls the team to the conference room to see something but the reason I’m pointing it out is that he says ‘BAU team’ and my mind follows it with a Ron Burgundy style ‘ASSEMBAAAAALE’ that sets me off in a giggle fit.

Aand we’re back, in the conference room Hotch is explaining that it’s from Phoenix, one Bradshaw College, that’s had six fires in seven months.

It turns out that during one of the fires a college kid taping it also captured an UnSub pouring gasoline under the door to their room, which one of the other kids went to investigate only for the gasoline to be lit and the kid to be burned.

I wonder why any one smelling gas would go near the stuff when they must know there’s a rash of arson going on. Fucking idiot students. I mean really, why would you go near it?!

We pan over the reactions of the team as they watch the tape before…

Credits.

I always wonder if there’s anything in the choice of what serial killer jazz is run along each characters title card in the credits, like the shot of JJ with the headline underneath reading ‘Hillside Strangler’

Probably it’s just a case of what ever but I might check on that.

Any way, another Quotation, Einstein, Imagination, BAU Jet,  the arsonist is accelerating his attacks rapidly, also his likely motive is a loss of love or his job.

Morgan asks Reid for statistics on arsonists in a nice nod to Gideon’s comment last week about Reid and statistics although it would have been better coming from Hotch but what ever.

Reid is setting up a chess board and rattles off the numbers as usual, giving arsonists an age range  (17-27 years, 82% are white males, female arsonists less likely cos their motive is usually revenge) so Morgan guesses the arsonist is likely a student.

Gideon shrugs this off re-emphasising the theme of think out side the box, then explains that the arsonists escalation is going to drive him to burn more than buildings as his need for satisfaction grows to include the power over life and death.

The team gets to the campus and Gideon orders no badges on show lest they satisfy the Unsub’s need for attention, telling them to blend in where they can.

Hilarious moment where he tells them not to look official, looks at what he’s dealing with and corrects to ‘less official’ as we see the four team members, Hotch Morgan Elle and Reid in their formal suits and ties.

Cut to the team pedeconferencing with I guess the Dean and the on campus fire safety dude who give us more expo, some one stole highly flammable chemicals from the lab, which fits with the pattern the arsonist has of stealing his flammables (gas, petrol etc) then using em-he has a time line, one day after he steals, he burns.

This gives the team at least one day before the next fire so cut to Reid and Hotch at the scene of the video we saw where they realise the arsonist couldn’t have seen the fire he set and couldn’t get gratification from hearing the burned kid screaming because of people coming to see what was happening.

This goes against the normal trend of serial arsonists so is very confusing.

We find out the other fires set where done so with devices, timers, but the fire with the burned guy, Matthew was not.

The team discuss why the arsonist might manually start one fire but use devices for the other, Reid geniuses some more about motives for arson which the team marks off as they go through; Not revenge cos Matthew was well liked, not vandalism cos the fires are too sophisticated, not political cos there’s no clear statement.

Gideon and Reid come to the conclusion the arsonist sees the people being hurt as objects, Reid going so far as to say chess pieces, tying some more themes together nicely.

Cut to Morgan wearing his utility belt doing his ‘I’m *insert criminal/crime here* bit’ and realising the building wasn’t the target.

Elle and Reid figure out the arsonist is probably a chemistry student cos of the device he uses, and Elle nails it down to some one without self confidence, ‘he doesn’t go on dates, he doesn’t go to parties, he doesn’t feel comfortable in front of groups’

Cut to Reid realising HE fits that description perfectly and giving Elle a pointed look  like ‘Uh, Elle…’

Elle amends ‘Oh and of course he’s …a total psychopath’ with a ‘Shit’ look on her face and Reid is all ‘of course’ but totally not convinced and very adorable and I have to wonder at this point had the writers decided his mum was schizophrenic yet??

Any whoodle cut to Gideon and the dean discussing that the hotline isn’t going to work as they enter a building and we see Gideon get visibly freaked out as he watches a kid(who looks about ten, seriously) light  cigarette.

We cut to a professor looking dude, Dr Doomed, enter his office while calling amiable good byes to a student, so we know he’s well liked too, and sniffing the air before noticing a puddle coming under the door at the other side of his office.

Again, serial arsonist on campus, smell of chemicals or gas in the room…who goes to investigate?!

I mean they tell you if you walk in your house and smell gas(as in cooking gas) to not ever turn on the light and like, if possible don’t move a whole bunch just at all cos of any sparks…but these people, a PROFESSOR no less, walk right the hell over to mysterious, chemically smelling puddles and turn the lights on?!

Cut back to Gideon who has noticed the drinking fountain isn’t working.

Back to Dr Doomed who’s going into the other room, groping for the light switch, as we pull back to see the bulb has been drilled open and filled with something and as we’ll soon see but many of us know any way, drilling a hole in a bulb and filling it with, whatever, gunpowder etc, causes explosions. (thank you Nightmare on Elm Street).

As the dean is calmly saying they’d rather not evacuate if need be because a stampede will crowd the exits, Gideon clocks on and pulls the fire alarm and proceeds to chase everyone out of and away from the building as insanely as he can while we see Dr Doomed hit the light switch.

The bulb explodes and fills his eyes with glass and we see Elle and Morgan running toward the building from out side while indoors Gideon has found Dr Doomed’s office, and a fire extinguisher and is doing the best he can but the dude is dead.

Morgan runs in and grabs Gideon, bodily forcing him to leave while Gideon shouts that there’s a man in the flaming office and there’s a randomly hilarious bit where Gideon, or Mandy I guess must be holding the extinguisher too tight as he’s pulled backwards and he squeezes it off toward the camera.

Any way, outside Hotch and the ambulances have arrived( and heeeere coooome the ambulaaanceees)

Morgan gets Gideon out onto the fire escape but Gideon’s still trying to go back inside so Morgan ends up shoving Gideon back against the railing snapping ‘let it go, he was already dead, let it go’ right up in Gideon’s grill until Gideon concedes and Morgan backs off.

Reid arrives too and Hotch orders Elle to take pics of the crowd in case the arsonist is in the crowd watching, so she does as the team themselves scan the crowd.

Gideon looks exhausted as he leans against a wall.

Fade to the deans office where we find out that verily Dr Doomed was beloved teacher, that evacuating wont be easy if they decide to do it, and that doing so might even make the arsonist lash out.

Gideon calls for a team meeting and as he and Elle exit a kid who looks like the kid from Almost Famous enters the office and tells the dean he and the other chem students want to help since they’ve figured out how the arsonist did it.

Dean looks intrigued and vaguely shocked as we cut to the team looking wound up that the pictures Elle took don’t reveal anyone enjoying the fire.

Reid quotes Peter Dinsdale (I am devoted to fire, fire is my master) and Morgan steps into the blue screen for some Behavioural Special Effects, the wall fading into the campus quad with students wandering by.

Morgan lights his lighter and we see Random guy watch the flame as he walks buy before the whole thing fades again and I do like that trick they use to further the plot and make what could be long, boring, talkie scenes, something more interesting to watch..

Elle tells us fire is one of the early indicators of disassociative behaviour along with bed wetting and hurting animals-basically if you do one or indeed all three of these things as a kid, you’re gonna grow up to be a sociopath/serial killer.

Gideon builds on this with absent or abusive father, low self esteem, problems with the opposite sex (and again, spoiler but I am wondering how much of Reid was planned in advance cos they’re really laying on the hints here[Reid’s dad walked out when he was a kid], he is kind of a geek around girls, I doubt he burned pee’d or tortured but I think sometimes high intelligence can counter those but…im theorising so what ever for now)

Gideon continues that the profile of serial arsonist is very much within a set precedent, based on interviews etc, basically coming back to ‘think outside the box’ we learn the two most common motives of the arsonists are sex and power and these throw off the profile.

Gideon btw is increasingly wound up through out the ep.

Gideon is outside…getting air? And runs across a college kid neighbourhood watch type dude who asks for his ID, as is protocol it seems.

The kid is naturally all ‘oh you’re one of those FBI dudes etc’ and goes on to express doubts about profiling as an art.

Gideon neatly puts him in his place by declaring that the boy’s girlfriend thinks she’s going to break up with him, as evidenced but the gift she has given him, a necklace  bearing the Chinese symbol for forever yours, which since the kid keeps fiddling with, Gideon guesses is a newly given gift.

The kid, called out, just looks shocked as Gideon leaves.

Kind of a pointless scene other than to set the kid up as a red herring/clue giver later on but nonetheless awesome scene giving us an insight into how the BA’s minds work.

Cut to Reid and Hotch hanging out in the chem. lab with the chem. geeks and Hotch suggests Reid try to talk to the kids as he’s closer to their age.

Reid, of course geeks out with the anagrams of BAU, BSU, NAVIG etc until Hotch steps in and translates, again, that they’d like to know what the kids have figured out.

The Almost Famous looking kid takes the floor and explains what we know about drilling a hole in a bulb to make it explode and Plain Girl in the background states how its all over the internet(how to make bombs) and goes on to list the ways you can.

I’m noting now cos I’ve seen the ep that she’s wearing a tri-linked ring, she repeats some of what she says three times, she lists three things to use to make a Molotov cocktail, she’s wearing a little cross around her neck and she does a very good job of revealing her disgust/shock at how easy the info is to access without being overblown in any way and of getting the little ‘threes’ in a very natural way.

Any way, there’s some more neat acting where both Reid and Hotch notice the girl on a profiler level but it seems automatic which is again, a great insight, and Hotch states that the info they’ve just been given doesn’t need a chem. Major to figure it out.

The point the chem. kids are trying to make is that verily ANYONE can figure out how to make bombs etc so it would be best to get the hell out of dodge.

Hotch, Almost Famous kid(AFK) and Reid board an elevator where we discover that AFK has a key to the lab and elevator for after hours working and there’s more comedy when the kid smugly asks Hotch if he knows how to solve the ‘Three Body Problem’ and even as he says it Reid starts to nod distractedly like ‘duh dude’ and Hotch is all ‘The what now?’ as the kid explains something about gravity, the earth sun and moon while Reid nods some more in the background.

Cut to JJ entering Garcia’s Den of Awesome on the phone bitching that a million people have called her convinced the arsonist’s a fire fighter and the line ‘I’m like, yeah, I saw BackDraft’ has me wondering if that’s a nod in some way, where any of the BAU in that film?

Any way Garcia’s gotten an interesting hit on the hotline, a creepily manipulated voice saying what sounds like ‘Karen, I do this for Karen’ßAccording to my subtitles any way, I heard at as ‘Keiro’ or something, I forgot what it ends up being.

JJ looks troubled.

Cut to the team listening to the tape, Gideon insisting it be replayed louder and louder because there’s something about it that he cant explain but that is getting to him and Morgan asks Garcia to clean up the tape as best she can and they share some more adorableness.

The team gets a list of all the Karen’s on campus (there’s a lot) and head out.

Cut to outside where an increasingly agitated but trying to hold it together Gideon and a pensive Reid are discussing that the arsonist isn’t going to be one of the many students we see leaving campus because he’s not done with what ever it is he’s doing yet and a repeat of the whole ‘think outside the box’ thing, the box here being the typical profile of a serial arsonist.

This loops back around to the stutter again, about thinking of things no one else thought of but for me this scene has a couple more layers than that, mainly in Reid’s ‘that’s what Morgan’s always telling me, he says it’s why I can never beat you at chess’ speaking volumes about the brotherly bond these two seem to have, a theme continued through out the show, Gubler’s delivery of the line and Reid’s whole attitude smacks of a little kid repeating what an older, ‘wiser’ sibling has said, to an adult he thinks can explain the concept that he still doesn’t understand.

Oh also, the security kid from the night before rides by again in the background of this scene, just so you know, which again, red herring but still nice touch for the eagle eyed viewer.

Any way Gideon’s all ‘he’s probably right so lets think outside the box, about the unknown outside the box’

Cut to Morgan and Elle’s dismissing another Karen and taking a minute to discuss the Stutter Challenge. We learn Elle’s very into the competition and has studied up on stutters but still has no answer, so lets in the next Karen..

Cut to Gideon wandering the corridors of…some where and examining the displays of students work on the walls which…do they do that in the states? That’s so very Sixth Form(High School)

Any way as Gideon seems to focus in on the Thee Body Problem the Security kid pops up again, all creepy now but totally hot and he and Gideon have some banter where we find out Security Kid did indeed break up with the girl friend cos he wanted to date ‘Brian’

Gideon declares this a pretty good reason and asks how the GF took it, the answer that she told Security kid he’d incur the wrath of god, giving Gideon a clue which he rushes off to figure out.

We see that at the same time Garcia’s figured out ‘Karen’ is in fact closer to ‘Ker Rowan’ and as Morgan announces this to Reid, Gideon comes back and corrects it further to ‘Charown’, Hebrew for ‘God’s Burning Anger’

Point of interest, Gideon comes straight to Reid when walks in the room, indicative of …Reid’s genius I guess, of the likelihood Reid will simply go with Gideon’s theory than question it? What ever, I like that he does, it speaks of their trust for one another.

Any way this means the arsonists motives are religious and which makes sense cos of all the religions that see Fire as a figure/symbol of power.

Everyone jumps on board with this and wonder about theology majors as suspects as Elle gives Reid a salad he doesn’t want which, random but funny moment in the midst of sort of …pacey rapid fire dialogue from, everyone frankly.

Everyone’s throwing out theories which Gideon is taking down but he steps back and announces that they cant jump to conclusions that religion may or may not be part of it and some one says the word ‘Compulsion’ causing Reid to look thoughtful and repeat ‘Compulsion’ like he’s figured some one out.

We go back to the tape from the beginning that caused Hotch and Reid to wonder why the arsonist carried on with the fire when they couldn’t get in the room to see the effects.

Reid is watching the tape over and over like he’s trying to spot what it was that has caught his attention and we get a small montage of him alone in the room trying to figure it out.

As he wipes the board down and writes ‘Fire’ muttering ‘think outside the box’ Gideon stick his head in to offer encouragement, mentioning the three moves in chess thing again. Reid looks thoughtful again and you can actually see in his expression the little leap his mind makes which is another great acting moment.

I love the idea set up here that the rest of the team has just left him to it, trusting he’ll figure it out eventually.

Anyway, back to the tape again and Reid notices the door handle turns three times. He goes to Dr Doomed’s office and we see it’s room number 3 in the building. He heads to the burned out dorm room and see’s Matthew took Dr Doomed’s class, Tuesdays at 3pm.

Reid goes back to the team and reveals his discovery, the arsonist doesn’t fit the profile cos they already have a different profile, OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

In this case it’s focused on the number three meaning the arsonist will have to kill again.

Cut to Reid explaining how there’s a form of OCD that manifests in religious devotion so we get the tie to fire, he points out the door knob, that there where three fires on that day, that the first single fire occurred on the 3^rd of march (third day third month)

Reid points out the other occurrences of threes, Dr Doomed’s office number, Matthew taking Dr Doomed Class on Tuesday at three, his third class of the day-we learn that with this arsonist the compulsion upon seeing the pattern of threes is to set a fire.

Hotch makes another leap and we learn that Plain Girl from the chem. Lab is called Clara so while everyone books to find her, Hotch explains what he noticed about her that day in the lab; she had the ring she kept turning in little bursts of three, the repetition of words etc, Gideon recalls the three body problem.

Ella and Morgan get to Clara’s dorm room and lo is she bug shit insane, her walls papered with bible pages and excerpts from Paradise Lost.

Reid on the phone explains why she’s focused on certain demons(burning as sacrifice) and Hotch reveals his discovery that Clara survived a fire when she was sixteen, something her mother called a miracle; her mother declared that Clara had been tested by god and come through it blessed- their house was number 333.

Ella and Morgan explain ‘magical thinking’ basically the superstitions we have like ‘step on a crack break your mothers back’ that compel us to obsessively avoid stepping on cracks.

Clara has this based around three 3’s, when they turn up around other people god tells her to test them.

We see that Clara has at least thirty home made bombs in her room and there’s no indication of where she’ll strike next, but they need to find the next pattern of threes.

Gideon orders every one to go into every building and pull the alarms and just empty the buildings out.

Cut to AFK and two of the chem. Lab girls (so three of em…) One of em carrying three books, nice touch props guy, One of the girls hair in braids (three tendrils of hair interewoven-nice touch hair and make up) are heading back up to their lab because they are stupid, insisting they can look after themselves with their mini fire extinguishers.

They board the elevator and as it gets to the third floor we see some one turn the key to stop it.

Here’s where I gripe, does it count as one of Clara’s threes if she is the one who made it happen?

I guess it does.

Anyway, we get shots of people evacuating buildings and alarms going nuts and the science building is declared safe and empty, no elevators in service(Clara’s stopped the elevator by the main board I guess-oh also there’s no Cell reception in the elevator)

Cut to the elevator where one of the girls hits a button three times(I really liked these little touches and I want to go back through the ep and look for more now) and we find out AFK left his elevator operating key in the office like he’s supposed to so they cant just override the stop.

They worry why no one can hear the emergency stop alarm and it looks for sec like AFK hits the button six times, which again, nice touch…and I could be wrong but Braids’ hair might actually be three separate plaits too.

Hotch is telling Gideon that it will be impossible to reason with Clara since OCD is not psychological but physiological, so it’d be like trying to tell a bullet to stop mid air rather than tell the man holding the gun not to pull the trigger.

I guess.

The chem. Lab kids finally hear the fire alarm and start to wig and try opening the doors which only open so far, as a safety precaution.

Clara opens them from the other side(looking crazy but the actress is adorable so she has her nuts but cute thing working) and they tell her to go for help as she states she’s there to save them.

They ask her if the building is on fire as she seems to be leaving but she ducks back and declares ‘Not yet’ in a tone that says ‘but don’t worry’ for all the wrong reasons.

The chem. Lab kids collectively shit their pants.

Elle and Morgan got nothing.

Clara is staring at a light bulb and we can imagine she’s hearing the voices now.

She heads back to the elevator and is crazy some more, repeating her words three times and invoking the holy trinity(again, I love these little touches with the threes) as she starts to squirt THREE bottles of accelerant onto the chem. Lab kids, who naturally, bug out.

Hotch and Gideon get the idea at the same time about heading to the science building (Hotch remembers AFK and the key, Gideon learns from Reid that the third floor of that building is under construction…so I guess that three counts then)

Clara is praying over her road flare/candle/naked flame while AFK and co are yelling at her to stop.

Hotch gets there first and…tries to reason with Clara and long story short ends up shooting her in the leg to stop her.

Gideon points out that Hotch tried reason and Hotch just looks shaken…interesting shifts all the way through the ep of protagonists’  big part of the reason I love this show, its so rarely just about ONE of the main characters, it shifts back and forth.

Any way, on the BAU Jet,  Elle tells Gideon she figured out the stutter, it was a stalling tactic, there’s no real reason why people stutter so Gideon was just buying himself time to think.

Elle pushes for what really happened with Haas and Gideon, who’s not totally happy he’s been figured put but at the same time proud of Elle for doing so, states that one thing he does know about a stutter is how to provoke one, and so we head back to the store;

There’s a neat effect where present day Gideon turns around, the back ground changing as he does so, and as he walks forward we see he’s in the costume from earlier. Haas is marching him down the corridor of the store and forces him into what must serve as his den proper, a room that judging by Gideon’s ‘Daaamn’ face when he enters, stinks to high heaven.

Haas reveals that even though only 6 where found, there are thirteen victims and Gideon admits to being impressed by this.

Haas is not stuttering now and seems calmer in a more intense, driven way than we’ve yet seen him so Gideon tears that the hell to pieces by stating with smile that he’s impressed because he didn’t think Haas could count, the profile they made indicating he’d be too stupid. And also, a chronic bed wetter.

Haas’s eyes bug out and he loses that intense calm, twitches and tics coming back in an instant and again I’m blown away by his acting right here.

He is literally unable to speak, so bad is the stutter as he seems to be trying to order Gideon to pick up the camera but Gideon is still wearing that nice pleasant smile as he goes ‘what? I don’t know what you’re trying to say’ which as we all know is exactly the opposite thing to do to some one with a stutter as it raises their awareness, self consciousness and anxiety and makes the stutter worse…which is the point.

Any way, Gideon is tuning the bastard quotient up a few more notches by out and out laughing in Haas’s face that he doesn’t know what Haas is trying to say and I couldn’t love the man more right now.

He gets mean with it ‘say it, say it, just spit it out’ as Haas is totally incapable of finishing the word ‘camera’

Eventually Haas dips his whole body toward the camera and Gideon moves quick as you like, grabbing the gun and knocking Haas out with it after a brief grapple.

He yells ‘Come on!’ at the unconscious Haas which I love before we see present day Gideon opening his eyes as he surveys the chess game he and Reid are playing.

We get a Gideon’s eyes view as Voice Over Gideon quotes Faulkner, of Reid giving a little hop of delight and announcing ‘Check in Three’ with barely restrained grin.

Gideon gives him his dues with a ‘not bad’ that delights Reid more than figuring it out (and the whole time its clear to see that Reid’s as made up about the fact he’s learned to think outside the box as he is potentially winning a chess game)

Before we see Gideon’s view of the pieces moving around in some chess way that I don’t understand, Reid is like a little kid waiting for the other man to make his move. Gideon does, declaring checkmate and Reid’s face falls.

Gideon assures him he’s getting there and they set up to play again.

Once again, we end brilliantly with another character dynamic building scene where we see Reid’s delight at learning, Gideon’s delight that his agents do still learn and don’t assume they know everything, Gideon’s affection for Reid and respect for him to not just let him win just like that since he knows Reid basically thirsts for knowledge at all times, and the childish side to Reid that makes him such an endearing character.

I’m not above being a snarky cow and poking fun if I see the need but if I get incoherent at any point its cos my love for the show overloaded my brain briefly.

Also I’m gonna warn y’all I’m a film student and a semiotics/mise en scene FIEND so if I go a little analyses crazy I apologize, I’ll try and keep this as vanilla recaps but…bear with me.

Also I’ve seen all of season 2 that’s out so far but I don’t totally believe procedural crime dramas set stuff up seasons in advance, so I wont be going that nuts but there may be some spoilers eventually , mainly concerning character stuff I think, so …again, bear with me.

Any way, episode The First; Extreme Aggressor

We open with a pan across rainy Seattle Washington with some nice, mellow but probably building to something guitar on the sound track, a quick cut to some people presumably rushing to work, every one of them carrying an umbrella against the rain(clever people, I always forget mine)

Just as I’m wondering if the fact that all but one woman, who’s umbrella is bright red, are carrying grey umbrella’s (I’m gonna look out for it later…), we cut again to a similar pan to the over head of lovely rainy Seattle of an office and indeed the woman with the red coat and the red umbrella is who we focus in on.

Noodles resists the urge to go on a little spiel about Hollywood  TV/Movie narrative and semiotic conventions based around the colour red as a signifier for either evil or death as we see that our victim who has lovely hair and a nifty reddish coloured cardigan on is receiving a j-peg from some one with the screen name ‘Z4SALE’ of an orange car that…if its not identified later is going to remain, orange car, it could be a Porsche of some kind, it puts me in mind of the car from Starsky and Hutch…I don’t know cars.

Anyway, Z is telling…Red(til I learn her name) the car’s had a new paint job and tires and she seems delighted by the picture(I smell a set up…[lets pretend for the sake of some of my comments that I haven’t seen these eps…or indeed any television, ever, before, k?])

Red who’s name is Heather, asks why the car is being sold so cheap(smart girl…for now) and is told Z is moving and needs to sell the car(suspicious) and asks her if she’s up for a test drive.

Heather’s IQ plummets a million points it seems as next thing we know she’s standing alone in her RED coat with her RED umbrella, out in the rain, waiting expectantly, in a gorgeously composed shot with her in the middle ground, the fore and background all drab and grey and rained out.

The orange car pulls up, and the driver climbs out wearing a deep, face covering hood against the rain and Noodles stops for a PSA-Men and women both, if you’re buying anything EVER from an independent buyer, and its an object, like a car, where you may need to go and see it or test drive it NEVER GO ALONE, don’t assume that cos you’re an adult bad things cant happen!

Any way, ZDriver runs around to the other side to let Heather climb in the drivers side (Very clever because any witnesses will remember seeing her not only voluntarily enter the car, but indeed drive the thing away!)

Anyway they drive off and talk cars to each other (‘twenty cc’s banana power with an eighty litre fangagle injection unit and twiddlyfumble spit licker’---really don’t know cars) then ZDriver offers to show her what’s under the hood(I’m sure he does, wonk wonk)

They pull over and basically Heather seems to be agreeing to buy so ZDriver offers to drop her off and leaver her his number, letting her climb into the passenger side seat.

We still haven’t seen his face, btw, and there’s another brilliant shot as they drive off up the street, all the traffic lights are set to RED, again, which, lovely indicator that Heather is making all the wrong choices in life.

Any way, cut to Heather giving ZDriver directions and assuming he’s made a mistake when he misses her turn.

He ignores her completely as she chuckles that they can flip a U-ey up the road, then there’s a lovely piece of acting from Heather as she slowly realises she’s fucked up and demands he pull over, scrabbling at the door to find the locks removed, sealing her in (Point of Huh?-did he remove the locks when he put her in?-REWIND- Oh he did, ooh that was subtle, as she’s settling herself in the seat he slips the lock peg out)

Any way, she’s locked in, but there’s a good moment before she realises when it looks like she’s considering just opening the car and jumping out giving the hint that while Stupid she’s not above doing what ever the hell she can to escape.

She seems to be scrabbling with something for a sec, maybe her purse so, cell phone? Mace?

But ZDriver punches her unconscious so any plans are made moot, and he drives off into the rain.

We cut to a nice suburban house in Washington where Aaron ‘Hotch’ Hotchner(we’re going back to admitting I know who everyone is and what’s gonna happen) and his HUGELY pregnant wife who, half way through series 2, I still don’t know the name of so until he says it aloud I’m calling her Andi cos…Dawson’s Creek…(ooh connection!!Spoiler!) are talking baby names with Andi sat on the bed so we don’t see how teeny she is and how her big preggo belly is fake(I sound bitchy but …I care not)

Any way, Hotch is building the baby crib and being more emotional in that ONE moment with his laughing at the name suggestions and (gasp) Joking with his wife, than he is in the entire run of the show up to and including season two, and we get a nice foreshadowey moment when The Wife suggests Gideon as a name for BabyHotch and Hotch vehemently but still sweetly says ‘No!’

Something beeps and Andi looks ‘understanding’ as he pulls all sorts of apologetic faces, then we see him receiving a faxed picture of poor dead Heather although it says ‘Missing’ on the sheet he receives…I actually cant remember how this ep ends so me saying she’s dead is a guess not a spoiler.

Anyway we cut to a ‘trendy’ bar and I start making growling noises as the deliriously hot agent Derek Morgan appears on my screen like a gift from above, looking FOINE as HELL in a suit and tie and playing a drinking game with a gaggle of unfeasibly attractive trainee feds which seems to consist of naming serial killers based on the MO or something, but what ever because I’d play any game with Morgan where he and I end up with lowered inhibitions…ahem, moving on, we get some exposition that the team doesn’t just work serial killers they work ‘we cover the whole spectrum of psycho’s’

I have to say now, as good as Shemar looks in a suit(and he looks GOOD people, I prefer his later costumes, specially season 2’s tight as sweaters, the did the same thing with Danny Messer in CSI, like they hadn’t noticed how fine these boys are)

 He gets a call from BAU and we get more foreshadowing with the line ‘wow you work with Gideon…where you with him in Boston?’

With a sort of dark look Morgan seriously replies ‘I was supposed to be’….dun!!

Cut to a close up pic of a dead guy with a Polaroid dropped on his dead.

We hear that ‘k-chunk ChK’ sound of a slide projector and there’s another pic and we here before we see Agent Jason Gideon as played by the ridiculously awesome Mandy Patinkin and I’m gonna stop for a sec to tell you I have ALL LOVE for Mandy so if I get a bit fangirlish over his sheer superiority over like, the entire human race, I apologise. Seriously I watch ever ep of this show waiting for him to sing and/or dance.

And also, personality wise he reminds me strongly of my granddad who died about three years ago so be warned!

Any way, we see Mandy’s…sorry, Gideon’s silhouette as some one tells is the pics are the victims of the ‘Footpath Killer’

We also learn UnSub stands for Unknown Subject.

Don’t worry. They will explain this again.

We’re in Quantico btw, the Fibbie training place and Gideon is teaching a class on Behavioural Analysis, so we gather he’s a fucking expert at this shit, which, awesome.

 Cut to a wide shot and we see Gideon from afar, every student/Trainee in the place hanging off his every word as he gives the profile of the Footpath Killer.

As he states the killer will probably have a stutter, we get our first close up of Mandy looking great(his personality reminds me of my granddad but the man is classy looking old dude so it’s not creepy)

Any way Gideon justifies his surety of this by explaining the killer is ashamed of something hence the murders taking place on hiking paths.

This is basically to give us an idea of how BA works so I probably won’t always recap all of it.

Any way Gideon’s interrupted by a tall skinny adorKable dude carrying a folder which he taps significantly then we cut to Gid and the kid in the corridor with Kid(I’m waiting to name him, hehe) who exposits that our killer from the opening scenes is becoming known as the Seattle Strangler. Catchy.

We find out the vics are kept for at least five days and then strangled with a belt, which prolong the killing and, Gideon points out, lets the killer enjoy it.

 Gideon states he’ll look the file over and send on his thoughts ASAP but Hotch interrupts to announce Gideon will in fact be joining the investigation.

  Gideon, hilariously, gives him a look like ‘say what now?’ while Hotch, joined by Morgan with Kid in the background (Lotta hot men on screen right now) exposits about Heather from the opener, explaining the killers email carried a time delay virus which wiped her hard drive and left a note on the screen reading ‘For heavens sake catch me before I kill more I cannot control myself’ over and over again.

Gideon and Hotch have a minor stare out and even though Gideon walks away first he wins because he’s Gideon and he walks over to a picture on his wall of a crime scene with the same message scrawled on the wall.

This original message was posted by one William Heirens, ‘The Lipstick Killer’ In 1945.

Incidentally, I share a birthday with Lizzie Borden. Little trivia for ya.

Any way we learn Heather has fewer than 36 hours and the Powers That Be want Gideon back as leader of the BAU.

We learn Gid’s been on medical leave and there’s a beautiful little moment where he‘s momentarily vulnerable as he gives a tiny smile and asks quietly ‘You’re sure they want me?’

Hotch gives a small, and I mean MINSCULE mouth twitch smile at this before looking sombre as he announces the order ‘Came from the Director’ (of the FBI)

Given what we learn about Hotch’s aspirations in the job that was a nice moment from Thomas Gibson conveying his characters grudging admiration for Gideon and his own disappointment at this potential career setback.

Gideon ascents and we cut to the typical pilot ep credits where its just the title of the show and the names scroll along the bottom of the screen, the way most credits actually run now.

 We see the team boarding a plane (The plane needs a name people) and get our Thematic Quotation of The Week, a Conrad one about evil not being supernatural.

We also learn Gideon’s reinstatement isn’t all above board and Hotch is a sly fox who’s under orders to step in at any time he thinks Gideon is failing

There’s also a hint that Kid (they haven’t named him in the show yet!) overheard the conversation as he seems to be eyeballing Hotch.

Any way, on board the jet…the BAU-Mobile?

There’s some more profiley stuff where we learn the killers changing MO is a learning curve and some more character stuff where we see Gideon very subtly pushing Kid to theorise about the killer, watching him closely as he talks about learning. It’s a nod to the relationship Gideon has with Kid, the mentor thing, it’s also an indication of Kid’s intelligence, he’s obviously very very smart, it’s also indicative of Gideon’s distance from Morgan and Hotch as peers the way he seems to be more talky to Kid…like even though they all know each other the time apart has had an effect on their relationships.

ANYWAY, cut to a dingy dungeon looking place where we see Heather is in a cage that looks like something you put animals in to transport them(Spoiler?)

Anyway she’s chained with her eyes taped and is in a bad state, messy and beaten.

She seems to reach to uncover her eyes but Badguy is nearby and creepily whispers ‘what did I tell you about the tape?’

Heather gets more terrified and repeats sorry over and over again while Baddie opens her cage and grabs her hand, and I think he cuts her nail?

Her fingers look bloody so i'm guessing he’s not gentle about it.

Her screams carry us off into a beautiful shot of the Seattle skyline as the sun rises before we see the BAU Boys(the next big boyband, watch this space) arriving at the Seattle FBI office.

Gideon’s looking more than a little wired and Morgan pulls Kid aside to ask why Gideon won’t have his back to windows, and won’t let people stand between him and a door.

Kid calmly explains that they’re common signifiers of Post Traumatic Stress disorder which freaks Morgan out but we’re assured ‘it’s been six months’

Hotch introduces Gideon and Spencer Reid as experts on obsessional crime(Gideon) and , well, everything(Reid)

Gideon corrects Hotch’s labelling Reid an Agent as Doctor Reid(significant later!)

Anyway, there’s some more profiler stuff about cars, the killer isn’t afraid to travel with a body, he might have a prior criminal record or knowledge of law enforcement.

 More BA exposition, the Agents wont look at suspect lists till after a profile so they’re working without bias.

We learn there’s a time limit for this profile which phases Hotch and Morgan but Gideon doesn’t bat an eyelid and decides to start at the site of the last scene.

And so there we go.

 It’s under a bridge and a mess and Gideon’s looking around while a cop exposits some more with Morgan, Gideon caught a guy called Adrian Bale in Boston but it cost the Bureau six agents and Morgan seems a smooch bitter about that…

Any way, Gideon and Morgan profile banter that Killer is probably in his early twenties (Youthful Arrogance) and dresses the women after he rapes(?) them (remorse) but then dumps them in what is a garbage site(he views them as disposable) and Morgan is undisguisedly bitchy about his doubts about Gideon.

Cut to Hotch and Reid at the house of one of the victims brother where his Labrador is barking at an adorably unsettled (and pissed off looking)Reid.

We learn this is the Reid Effect and happens around kids, we also get the skinny on Reid’s genius status; Three PhD’s, IQ of 187, Eidetic memory(that’s photographic memory)and can read 20,000 a minute(all of this comes back into play awesomely as the show progresses in season two btw) so yes, he’s a genius.

We get more character stuff, Hotch can turn the nice on for family members, Reid is wicked smart etc, we see it’s already habit for other people to translate Reid’s genius stuff to others, and Reid very quickly clocks onto the fact the killer is the dude selling Heather a car.

Cut to the office, Morgan is still being antsy about the seemingly controversial indicators they’re getting, Reid is being beyond cute and spinning in a chair, Hotch is kinda watching Reid with this ‘What the fu-?!’ look in his eyes but all three are giving us more profiler jive.

We learn the killer acts like a paranoid psychotic but doesn’t, but the point of the scene is Gideon over by the…wall, computer screen? He’s fixated on the pics of victims, the maps etc while in the background the others are kind of starting to argue about their lack of profile.

Gideon very quietly puts an end to this by telling them they have a profile and are ready to give it to the task force.

Hotch is...wait for it…stoic…and Morgan is very much ‘We have a what now?’ Gideon walks out and Reid just starts making notes so Morgan asks if he’s okay with this ‘We got a woman with only twelve hours left to live, an incomplete profile and a unit chief on the verge of a nervous breakdown’ and naturally as he says the last Gideon walks back in the get his watch and smoothly states ‘they don’t call em nervous breakdowns anymore’ before walking back out with nary a blink while Morgan looks like he’s thinking ‘crap’

Reid announces ‘It’s called a major depressive episode’

 And I have to note that’s one of my fave scenes in the pilot for reasons I cant explain, I just love Reid’s complete ‘eh’ about Morgan’s tizz fit and his trust that Gideon is ready if he says he is.

Cut to the…big room…place…Gideon is giving the profile; Killer is white, late twenties, blends into a crowd, previous criminal record, probably auto theft, petty stuff. He’s been classified as an Organised Killer, psychopathic not psychotic(as near as I can guess that’s…bug ball nuts but not just mindlessly violent with it, he’s smart)

 He’s not some one you’d point out as crazy basically and they name his car, a jeep etc

Btw all this is done with the ‘Killer’ and such appearing in the background without us ever seeing his face clearly, as the shots of Gideon move over  blue screened backgrounds, the dump sites, a busy street etc.

 He’s probably sexually inadequate since the rapes don’t involve penetration, stemming from a childhood trauma, probably the death of a parent.

He has a history of paranoia and , awesomely as Gideon is describing the death of a parent/fear of being watched, there’s the blue screen effect of a kid at a funeral who turns to look at Gideon as Gideon says ‘now he feels persecuted and watched’ which is just neat.

Murder makes Killer feel powerful, this dude will try and inject himself into the investigation.

Gideon KNOWS they’ve already interviewed the kid.

This revelation takes us to a suburban street and we see a pretty brunette woman approach a nice, small house on the corner.

 We all know she’s Elle Greenaway but go with it, Brunette tells the old lady at the door she needs some one to come over to the house she’s watching for a friend cos she’s worried there’s some one in there.

Old lady calls for Richard, who is DJ Qualls, Skinny Geek from Road trip.

Richard and Brunette go over to the house and she lets him lead her inside whereupon he is jumped by about a million SWAT guys and Elle reveals her true FBI roots(SHOCKER!!)

As Gideon emerges from the shadows to stare upon Richard’s laser sight dotted head Richard gives him some creepy ass looks and I giggle that Elle’s real name is Lola. I love that.

We head over to Richards house with the team and verily he already fits the profile, mum died in a fire he probably started, with references to Son Of Sam from Reid and co to explain to us how this is important, more characterisation to Elle who it turns out had the plan to lure Richard out since she refuses to send SWAT into a house with kids. Good girl.

Oh, Reid explains Heather aint in the house so they can hold Richard on probable cause but not for long.

Elle has history in Sex crimes and is profiletastic reporting Richard probably records his crimes to relive later.

She wants Hotch to lead the interview with Richard (I guess as a power play thing to make Richard more willing to talk?) and Gideon’s all fine but hold off cos he’s try and lawyer up cos he knows the system.

I am tickled but the idea of DJ Qualls as a seasoned jailbird.

Elle and Morgan have some banter where we learn she’s not a…whatever that euphemism is for women, wilting rose or something, Morgan teaches hand to hand so he’s a badass, there’s a nice sort of friends with mutual crushes they’ll never act on relationship, oh and Elle wants in on BAU.

I wonder if she’ll get it…

Gideon and Hotch out side, Richard has the car but doesn’t have the bruises he should given the defensive wounds on the women, up in his room his bedroom is very much ‘a boys room, not a mans’ all neat with model airplanes on the walls etc, and the local PD cock up by trying to access the computer of A SUSPECTED KILLER WHO THEY KNOW SENDS HARD DRIVE WIPING VIRUSES TO PEOPLE.

The team has gathered in Richards’s attic den which, I realise he’s a baddie but I want a den in my attic.

 Richard is playing a board game against himself, called Wei-Chi, or Go, the hardest board game ever…it looks kinda like really complex checkers.

Anyway this is a good thing because it reveals psychological profiles of the players.

Reid is again, wicker smart because he examines Richards’s pieces for a second before announcing him the Extreme Aggressor, and we have an episode title.

Significant looks all around.

We find there’s a password lock on Richards comp, six tries to break it or presumably it’s wiped.

There’s some funny banter between Morgan and Gideon where Gideon quotes Samuel Beckett (Reid provides the name for us all) and Morgan counters with Yoda (which again, Reid names, love it)

Any way inside a book he wrote on criminal psychology, Gideon finds a newspaper clipping of himself and we get more indications of what happened in Boston ‘Shrapnel Blast Kills Six’ over a picture of Gideon with blood on his clothes, looking traumatised, being supported by a paramedic.

 Gideon is gonna talk to Richard. Aaw yeah.

Mandy owns every scene he’s in but when he’s like this he’s a force of nature.

Right, Richards getting his Intense and Creepy on as he remarks that Gideon debunked the belief in Multiple Personality Disorder (OOOH!Given Revelations lets see shall we Gideon!) and Gideon asks if Richards setting up his defence. Richard reveals he’s a ‘fan of Gideon’s’ , rattles some CPR statistics off and gives us yet more hints about Gideon’s trauma(Gideon tried to give a friend CPR and kept going even after he’d broke the dudes ribs…y’all…that’s fucked up)

Gideon is visibly restraining himself (in that Awesome way Mandy does where it’s like…98% in the eyes) but asks after Heather.

Richard knowing it’s point to Richard, who has been leaning creepily forward the whole time, barely even blinks as he leans back, switches to Innocent Mode and asks is she’s the girl gone missing a few days ago.

Gideon gives a ‘so that’s how you’re going to play this’ nod, glances around the kitchen and spots a plaque reading ‘good little boys are like sunshine’ and a cookie jar reading ‘Cookies are for good little boys only’

I should have mentioned earlier, Richards’s grandmother who opened the door to Elle was kind of a bitch when she shouted for him.

Gideon, knowing how he can play it, walks out.

Hotch finds him outside, visibly composing himself with deep breaths. Gideon reveals the girls still alive (Richard said ‘Isn’t she the girl not ‘Wasn’t) and Hotch reveals he didn’t know about the CPR.

Gideon plays off telling Hotch to ask Reid for statistics on CPR but Hotch pushes it and wants to be sure Gideon’s okay.

He tells Gideon he can’t be two people at once which strikes Gideon and he grins, figuring it out, the conflicts in the profile-there are two killers.

Cut to FBI offices, serial killer stats, who ever the other killer is, he’s dominant to Richard personality wise.

Hotch is asking NanaRichard about his friends using his Emotion Chip to access her.

YAY!!Cut to Penelope Garcia rocking her blonde hair and bright red lipstick, hunched over her computer as always…without sounding bitchy, from this angle it looks like our girl lost a lot of weight between seasons one and two which, good for her, she’s gorgeous and fabulous anyway but good on her.

Anyway, -oh, trivia, this was a one time role or bit part type thing originally but people liked Garcia so much her character was written into the series proper…that’s bad ass.

SO Morgan has called her to ask about the computer problem but its bad news, the security system Richard has is the number one crack resistant software out there and the only way to get that password will be to get inside Richard’s house.

 Office of Too Freakin Bad….love.

There’s nothing of the brilliance of Morgan and Garcia’s relationship in this exchange btw, she calls him gorgeous but its casual and affectionate more than what we’re used to.

Given that she wasn’t gonna be in the show that much I like that her brief introduction was so tame or she might have been hard to take.

Any way Hotch gets a name out of NanaRichard who might fit the profile so Gideon and Elle head off talk to him, Morgan is putting himself in Richards mind by using CD’s as the reference for the password.

Cut to Hotch at the office as Reid stands over a fax machine waiting for an address.

Out of the blue (and harking back to what I said about did Reid over hear Hotch’s convo about Gideon) Reid asks if Senior Management wants a field assessment of Gideon.

Hotch looks caught out and tells Reid not to worry about it and tries to leave but Reid calls him on if he knows why Gideon always introduces Reid as a doctor.

Hotch correctly calls it that it’s so people will respect him rather than just see him as a kid.

I…personally never quite got that scene other than to show Reid’s concern for Gideon…I guess they’re trying to say Hotch isn’t out to get Gideon, he understands him?But what ever, acting wise it’s a nice moment cos Hotch speaks softly to Reid as if he knows the kid needs reassurance.

They get the address for Charlie, the potential partner but it no longer matters.

Cut to a prison gym lookin place and we get the…third or fourth (if you count Beckett) quotation of the night from Gideon.

This is a theme that doesn’t continue for the subsequent episodes.

Which is okay I think.

I mean I like how it highlighted the scene transitions and the shift in the narrative but I think it’s better now the way the quotation at the beginning is sets up the themes of the ep and the one at the end is the conclusion.

Anyway, gym, prison warden is getting one of the guards who knew Richard in prison and Elle announces Charlie Linder, the possible second unsub, is dead so not the second unsub. Elle and Gideon look stressed.

The guard who knew Richard is chatting on about how often he had to put Linder in solitary but long story short he admits very casually (not clocking on he’s in trouble) that he used to protect Richard from other prisoners.

 Out side Elle and Gideon put it together that verily the guard fits the dominant personality thing and indeed the same keys he was using to open and close prison gates had a big key ring with a metal Z on it.

The Guard, Vogel, books outta the prison in that fugly orange car from the beginning while Gideon and Elle watch and radio in to Hotch that Vogel is their leverage with Richard. They follow Vogel and we jump to Hotch interrogating Richard, setting things up so Richard’ll break (lowering the temp, getting lots of cops from different units in the room, file boxes full of paper that can be blank, as long as the boxes have Vogels name on the side an Richard sees it)

They enter the room and Hotch dives right in all, we’re after Vogel (drops the boxes on the desk) we don’t care about you really etc

Cut to Reid sitting cross-legged on Richards’s bed, surrounded by discarded CD’s, looking thoughtful and cute.

As we cut to close up he looks up in realisation. Morgan is in the den fretting as Reid walks in twiddling an unwound paper clip and figures out the CD they’re looking for is actually in the computer itself (he uses the paper clip to pop the CD tray which is either just a Reidism or its another nod(season 2 again) to Reid being good at picking locks)

It’s a metallica CD which Reid figured out cos it was the only empty case which Morgan holds in front of Reid while he ponders what song it could be.

Reid ‘Enter Sandman’

Noodles ‘Where’s my Ipod?’

Aaand i’m back, that was fun, ahem, back to Richard, Hotch is speechifying that the whole car thing from the beginning ties everything together more than we the audience realised, basically car salesmen make us buy cars by what amounts to a guilt trip and Vogel used the same thing to get Richard.

 Vogel is a bully, Richard owes him nothing etc Gideon and Elle, following FuggoCar, they pull him over and it’s not Vogel, he’s had a friend drive the car for him to throw them off so he’s potentially in the wind but they know for now Heather’s alive cos Reid and Morgan got into the computer and can see her on the webcam.

Hotch doesn’t think he’ll have enough time to get her location out of Richard, but Reid figures out Heather’s on a boat cos of the swinging light bulb.

Hotch uses the old ‘we have your partner and he’s selling you out’ scam on Richard who scoffs at first until Hotch uses the boat to back up his claim.

Richard gives it up and we jump to a boatyard where Elle and Gideon are.

Webcam shows us Vogel arriving at the scene and Morgan calls Elle to warn her to wait for back up but she dismisses him.

In the dungeon Heather seems to have passed out so Vogel sees no harm in unchaining her to pull her out the cage but Heather is a clever lass and as soon as she’s free and he’s not directly above she kicks him the fuck in the face and runs.

Hilariously right into a post(she’s still blindfolded) but she rights herself and heads up and out of the boat.

Vogel catches her but she’s screaming like a banshee(GOOD GIRL) and Gideon turns up and ….holy crap y’all this scene is BRILLIANT, Mandy…again, owns its like fiend.

I’m gonna recap his speech cos its just brilliant;

 Calmly at first ‘I wouldn’t (shoot her) If I where you I’d aim the gun at me, shoot her you got nothin’…shoot me instead…come on….what are ya a lousy shot?’ (spreads his hands so his guns aimed away from Vogel ‘ Fifteen feet away you got a perfect shot, come on, shoot me…’

Vogel ‘You think I’m stupid?!’

Gideon ‘I think you’re an absolute moron; I know all about you Tim, you’re at the gym five times a week, you drive a flashy car, you stink of cologne and you cant get it up. Not even Viagra’s working for ya you know what that tells me Tim? You are HOPELESSLY compensating, it’s not just in your head, it IS physical…what did girls call you in high school? What’d they come up with when you fumbled your way into some girls pants and she started laughing at just how little you had to offer’ (Ignoring Vogels screams to shut up) ‘Short Stack? Very Little Vogel(that shit cracked me right up-Noodles) I got it. Tiny Tim’

 At this point Vogel shoves Heather aside and shoots at Gideon who takes a slug in the arm as Elle who has been watching this blow Vogel the hell away with like, a whole clip.

Hot DAMN people that scene…I can watch it over and over and over, Mandy just….owns it like anything.

 Elle goes to Gideon who tells her to see to the girl and we cut to later when Heather is being shipped into and ambulance with a few comforting words from a bandaged up Gideon who then goes back into the ship and we see Morgan and Hotch the former asking what the PTB want to know about Gideon. Apparently whether he’s fit to be a field agent and Reid tells the Gideon means Mighty Warrior in Hebrew which he kind of adorably knowingly deems appropriate which, I love.

Morgan declares Gideon gets his approval and we cut to the Jet of CrimeStoppery where Morgan and Reid are sleeping on the couches…separate ones you dirty minded fiends.

Hotch approaches a pensive Gideon who asks if they’ve picked baby names.

Hotch angsts how all the names they liked for the baby where tainted cos each name he thought up, he could name a serial killer for it(Charles; Manson, Jeffrey; Dahmer, etc etc)

Gideon calls Hotch on his report to the powers that be and Hotch is caught out again which is interesting that twice people he knows are smart and profilers by profession, have pulled him.

Gideon himself points out that he’s a profiler (in an awesomely random old timer type accent)

Hotch is all ‘well what ever happens you saved Heather today and Gideon agrees.

 We get our final quotation, the Nietchze one I’m sure many of us (especially those who have been to or are at university and knew a philosophy student) know about when you look into an abyss it looks back etc.

Cut to Dumfries Virginia where Gideon’s pulling into a gas station out in a forest…I guess he’s going on vacation…?

Any who, he heads inside to pay and the gas station attendant Lukas Haas(hate this actor with a passion) is standing at a counter surrounded (SO creepily IMO) by all these Polaroid’s of past customers I guess.

What follows is one of the best moments I’ve ever seen on any screen, ever, even from Haas who I hate.

Basically Mandy, without twitching a muscle in reaction, sees the pics, notices the guys truck outside, then as Haas stutters for him to have a nice day, figures out he’s just stumbled on the Footpath Killer.

He stands there, blank faced,(it’s ALL in the eyes) and he and Haas have a stare out with Haas noticing the gun Gideon’s carrying, Gideon staring, Haas staring, the music building and building and building as while both blank faced you can SEE the gears running in their heads before…Gideon blinks, the music hits this point where it’s still there but there’s a quiet moment, he picks up his candy bar and turns to leave…we’re outside the door with him coming toward us and we see Haas in the background disappear out of frame while Gideon in slow mo walks towards us and the music is still quiet but urgent then BAM Haas comes back into frame following Gideon out and the music EXPLODES back to full volume as we see Gideon clock Haas behind him in a mirror on the gas thing. Rapid tight zoom on the mirror as Haas swings a shotgun into frame, cut back to Gideon’s face, his eyes, the music pounding as over the beat we hear that ‘Ch-Ch’ as the shotgun is cocked and we cut to black.

What a fucking Pilot.